A little background - I’m 48, female, single mom, and about 8 weeks ago I had a heart attack. Surprised the heck out of me. The cardiologists told me that it was Spontaneous Cardiac Artery Dissection (SCAD), which primarily occurs in women who are either 1) pregnant or 2) under extreme stress. They think it is hormonally related, because it mostly happens to females.
Anyway, since I’m not pregnant, they tell me it was the result of stress, and I must reduce the stress in my life. I know I am extremely stressed. The source is primarily the stress of juggling my kids, keeping house, a full-time job, dealing with the divorce, financial issues, and in general, feeling very alone and lost. I feel like I have to be super-mom, taking care of my kids at the expense of my own well-being.
I figured it would be helpful to see a therapist to help me figure out how to deal with the stress. But, I’m not sure what type of therapist to look for. Should I try a psychiatrist, in case I would benefit from medication? Should I look for a behavioral therapist, to help me learn how to deal with my mom-guilt? Or do I need to try meditation or yoga? Or a combination?
I have been to therapy before about this type of thing, but I have always been frustrated when a therapist says, “Well, you just have to tell yourself to stop feeling guilty for taking time for yourself”, without giving me tools on HOW to stop feeling guilty. It always sound suspiciously like “Get over yourself”. But there has to be a way to accomplish this.
I am not sure where to start, so I thought I’d ask you all, so I can go to my health insurance company and ask them to send me a list of providers that specialize in that particular type of therapy. Any suggestions? Thanks to you all!
Do you have friends or trusted colleagues who have seen (or are seeing) a counselor? This is definitely one of those situations where I think it’s most helpful to ask around about good therapists. That’s how I found a really terrific one when I was struggling. You don’t need to reveal a lot about why you need one. All I said was that I had some issues I needed help working through – is there anyone you’d recommend?
Once you have a list of possible candidates, then check with your health insurance to find out which ones are in your network.
I think this might be a more effective way of finding/vetting possible therapists than beginning with a likely long list of people that your insurance carrier could provide. Their list will be a lot of names and addresses without a context.
Keep in mind that it’s OK to set ground rules with a therapist right at the beginning. Tell him or her that in the past you’ve been told not to feel guilty. You’ve already recognized that, so how can they help you accomplish that?
I also wouldn’t start off narrowing your list to someone who could prescribe medication. First see who you’re comfortable with. If that person is unable to prescribe anything and you both think it’s a good idea, they will refer you to someone who can.
Absolutely go to your health insurance company. Either on your card itself, or certainly at their website, there should be a link/telephone number for mental health information. They may even have a list of therapists sorted by location that you can browse online. Remember that not every therapist is right for every person, and you may have to try more than one before you get one that fits you.
Have you said that to the therapist? The tools definitely exist, and if the therapist isn’t able to share them, you may need to find someone who can. If that’s your prime concern, you may want to be upfront about it. When you get your first appointment, and the therapist asks why you’re there, explain that you are looking for specific tools to help reduce your stress/guilt, etc. and see if you feel comfortable with her answer.
Good luck. It sounds like you have a lot going on and a competent, objective professional may be able to help you sort it all out.
Beadalin’s suggestion about recommendations can work, but if you don’t have someone to recommend a therapist, working with your insurance company can be a good alternative.
Thanks for the ideas; I know how to go about getting names, making an appointment, etc. What I DON’T know is, is this called cognitive therapy? Behavioral modification? Psychoanalysis? Is there a name for “here’s the steps to changing your behavior”? What am I asking for? Are there therapists out there that can teach me how to do this, or am I searching for a way to change my thinking that doesn’t exist?
I’ve had a lot of luck with a few different cognitive therapists over the years. If could tell me where you live, either PM or on the board, I could ask my last therapist - he seems to be very well connected - for a referral.
Also, I’d try to stay away from insurance company lists if you can afford to do so.
If Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is something that appeals to you, there is a recent thread with people sharing their experiences with it, where you can ask more questions.
Good Luck!
I had a great experience with a therapist who was an MSW (Master of Social Work), a good therapist doesn’t have to be a Dr.
Yip. The one you seem to be talking about is CBT. Psychoanalysis is more talking about your problems to help to figure out what caused them in the first place. It’s not too bad (although some versions are junk), but CBT has a better track record.