I’d like to hear some thoughts from the board, there is a lot of advice about child-rearing and dealing with teens, but I haven’t read too much about dealing with young adult children.
In America at least, parents are I believe completely off the hook for all responsibilities to their children at 18. I am 26 and going through a lot of drama with my mother right now (I’m choosing not to speak to her because she won’t apologize for something she said), but it got me thinking. What do parents owe their 26 year olds? Is it possible to be a “good mother” to a 26 year old and have very little interaction with them at all?
My thinking is that typically, good parents don’t stop helping their children just because they turn 18. They do things like, call their kids to make sure they are okay, answer their children’s phone calls or at least return their voicemails, and even be their backup in case of an emergency. It’s also not out of the norm to give your children in their 20’s some financial assistance, or occasional help paying a bill (I don’t think…not that I would consider asking really).
My mom is my only adult family within 2000 miles. She says I need to come up with backup plans that don’t involve her. My thinking is that in a healthy family, your family IS your backup, that’s uhhhh, kind of the point. If family is not there to help you when you are having trouble, they are just people who share genetic similarity to you and no more, right? I’m not asking for much, but I voiced to her my concern that I could get into a horrific accident, and sometimes I cannot get in touch with her for weeks at a time, even calling every day and leaving voicemails. She told me, “Call AAA. Their first pick up is free when you sign up.” Is this normal?
I have tried to repair my relationship with my mom after a very bad childhood. She has admitted to me that she “never bonded with me”, so it’s not like I am some pampered brat asking for more-more-more. I was kicked out at 14, 18, and 19, and my mom who is a lawyer has contributed a stellar $70 to my higher education so far (part of a textbook).
I had severe pneumonia last november and I almost got too weak to call for help before I luckily picked up the phone and my mom picked up (very unusual for her). To be honest I sometimes worry about dying alone in my house and rotting for weeks before my roommates investigate the smell.
I would like some honest input, whether you have gone through similar lack of concern, or if you think I am being a whining entitled brat, anything is fine.