What makes a person a "good" listener?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Can someone be a good listener while at the same time rarely committing any of what is heard to memory?

Example that got me thinking of it: My husband was reading some article on the Foo Fighters. He said to me, “I guess I must be a little behind because I didn’t know that Dave Grohl used to be the drummer for Nirvana.”

I said that he did know because I had told him several times. He didn’t remember that I had told him (we have actually had discussions about it…)

I’m not ragging on my husband. I could share other examples (even those where I am the person whose listening skills are questionable).

So if a person doesn’t remember (as in, “has no recollection of”) what has been said, can that person still be considered a good listener?

2

If you’re boring, I’m a bad/good listener. I’ll listen intently for awhile, but then the drifting begins…

I’ll maintain eye contact.

I’ll nod at the appropriate moments.

I’ll occasionally tune in to see if I should add any input, such as “Such as?”

And I’ll spend the entire conversation watching The Breakfast Club in my head.

3

A good listener (in my humblest of opinions) gives their undivided attention for the duration of the conversation and attempts to fully comprehend the message you are sending.

To be fair to your husband, the fact that Dave Grohl was the drummer of Nirvana is not a particularly important thing for him to remember.

4

I’m sorry, what were you saying?

:smiley:

5

A good listener gives his full attention to the speaker - he/she does not sit there just anticipating and waiting for his chance to speak next.

SO many people (and I am really bad for doing this as well) spend their non-talking time composing their next response.

It is something I try to work on but I have a loooooooooooong way to go.

6

I’ll only say that there is a difference between a good listener and a good rememberer.

I have been to that place, and I can relate to it.

Good listening is for the moment, and it sounds like you got that.

A good memory for what was said is different. I won’t go into that, but I will say that one thing that drives my wife absolutely INSANE is when I say something like, “But Honey, you said completely the opposite thing in 1984…I think it was summer, but may have been late spring.”

Sometimes, this is not a good thing, so count your blessings.

7

I’m trying to break my nine-year-old of that habit.

Seems like before I even finish saying something important (like rattling off a three-item list of things he can do to straighten his room), he’s already taking a breath to speak.

“Were you listening to me, or waiting to talk?”

“I was listening.”

“What did I say?”

“Something about my closet? Or picking up my shoes? I don’t know…”

It’s a wonder he’s stayed alive as long as he has… :wink:

8

First I think there is a difference between “Are you listening to me?” when giving instructions/information, and “I just need someone that will listen to me” to share feelings or get fears out in the open.
I think a good listener is just that. A listener. One who gives their undivided attention and doesn’t do that “Oh yeah, something like this happened to me but waaaay worse!”. Like stated above, they are just waiting to interject the thoughts they have been arranging since early in the talk.
Most people just need a sounding board. Someone who will let them arrange their thoughts out loud. A good listener doesn’t always have:
A similar but worse story
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Memory is handy but a different issue IMO.