when you want someone to listen

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Have any of you ever had times where you had a problem, and you wanted to talk to someone about it, but when you talk to the person, they won’t only listen?

In other words, what you really want is someone who will literally sit with you, for however long it takes, and patiently listen to your dilemma with genuine interest, and not butt in right away trying to help you, asking a million questions, or advise you right off the bat?

It reminds me of someone who picks up a mystery novel, reads the prologue, then reads the last chapter of the book to see how it ends, then skips all of the stuff in the middle. Colonel Mustard, in the study, with the candlestick. “Person” doesn’t care who Col. Mustard killed, or when, or how, or why. They want the Cliff’s notes version of your story.

Why does everyone have to play “superhero” when they are your trying be your friend? If one wants to be my friend and do whatever they can to help me out, hey that’s awesome, thanks eternal. I’d do the same for you. However, sometimes being a true friend means simply just listening to what the other person has to say. That’s it, nothing more. It isn’t life or death situation. Listening means listening. Conversing, means reciprocal communication. Unfortunately, people rarely seem capable of “just listening” in a one-on-one basis.

Point is… don’t try TOO hard to be someone’s friend. It’s easy to go overboard, regardless of your intentions.

2

I actually tell my Mother: Just listen and say “Oh poor Baby” during the pauses.
Maybe you should just tell someone what you need???

3

It’s my suspicion that this is half the secret of the good therapists out there.

People are problem-solving critters by nature (maybe nurture, take your pick); the natural reaction when someone, especially someone cared about, is struggling with a problem is to solve it. That of course means getting in there, getting the information, and etc., the usual fix-it mode. It’s definitely a good thing to learn to suspend, but the fix-it instinct itself doesn’t warrant condemnation. It’s a good instinct, when all’s said and done–it’s just that people should always work on improving how they act out of it, and sometimes in spite of it. I think that’s probably the other half.