Your wife would have been totally stumped by that bonding conversation I had with an Italian client. It was along the lines of:
Her: Vafanculo!
Me: Imbecile! Cabron! Figlio di putana!
Her: long string that surpasses my Itagnolo
We were talking about her boss. Who I still think was a bastard, an imbecile, a son of a bitch, a lousy siphylitic pimp, and should have been fucked up the ass by a metalhead dolphin, but hey, we had to make do with describing his habits in detail while working on fixing the shitpile he’d made.
And I am afraid I find myself forced to inform you that the third Machado brother, you are not. Someday I’ll find that damned “guitarra, tienes alma de mujer” poem again…(“guitar, you have a woman’s soul”)
Er, nothing? I’ve never thought I was physically or personally attractive, but I had girlfriends before I got married and a wife who has no doubt rolled her eyes over my platonic infatuations, at least the ones she knows about (no, those others she only suspects ), for some 36 years, so I guess some women did. Can’t for the life of me figure out why. What might have happened was that some had tried to unload on other people and I was the sucker who said, “I’m sorry to hear that,” instead of changing the subject or running, screaming, from the room. On a club trip to Washington DC in high school I was told that word had gotten around that I was easy to talk to gave good advice. That’s the only time I heard that, and they were the last females who wanted my advice, but it explained why all the pretty, little freshmen and sophomores* sat down in turn to tell me all of their troubles. More recently, I suppose my being married makes me seem safe. Though there are still cases where a woman I barely know spills her guts, then is surprised, and I like to think disappointed, when I mention my wife. “You’re MARRIED?!?!?” can sound mighty sweet when you’re an old guy.
Has to be an energy about you that attracts their energy. It is them approaching you with their life story? or you sliding up first as the white knight ready to listen at a moments notice? And there has to a point of no return in the conversation where she not only feels compelled to narrate her story but that you have also given permission for her to do so. Might just not be the spoken word she is interpreting, might be your body language, eye contact, facial expressions etc. You are sending a message and it obviously is being received. The interaction you describe does not happen in a vacuum.
I think you are reading too much into this. But that’s okay, because they may have read too much into it, too. All I think was happening was that my slightly-sympathetic, “I’m sorry to hear that,” instead of changing the subject or leaving the room, was different enough from their preconceptions that they felt invited to say more. Having someone who would feign interest while they went on and on about their troubles was helpful, like I was their shrink.
And I can’t discount the possibility that some of them realized how attracted I was to them and it was a little game to watch me squirm because I knew they were already taken and wouldn’t make a move.
Or they figured I was gay. Not all of the women I’ve known were brilliant; with legs like those, for instance, a guy can adjust his standards.
It could just be a case of “The Bagpipe Who Didn’t Say No.” (Assuming that site’s not a copyright infringement.) It’s hard to say if your facial expression or body language might be encouraging these outpourings when we’re answering over the internet. Well, barring video, and I’m guessing you don’t have a session posted on YouTube.
Well, they do if you avoid introspection because it makes you all talky and self-recriminatory and boring (or worse, interesting), and understand the motivations of others so poorly you have to ask strangers on the internet to explain them for you.
But also, a lot of stuff happens for no reason at all, and when people look for its meaning I refer them to my guru, Mr. Natural. But this has been going on for 40 year, and though humans detect patterns where they don’t exist, I recently got to wondering why there seems to actually be a consistent pattern here.
I asked if he objected and Shel didn’t say no. My Ouija board may need a tuneup, though.
My face is normally a studied blank, maybe looking a little cross. I smile when I’m on the phone with customers because they really can hear you smile. I try to raise an eyebrow or give a sidelong glance when I hear something too juicy, stupid, or funny to ignore (it shows I’m awake), but smile and twinkle when I make a comment, like the I use here, to let people know I’m not serious. But the big mistake I make is smiling at the other, nodding sympathetically, laughing when appropriate, and generally making an effort, though often forlorn for me, to follow the conversation and remember some of the main points.
In fact, these are tools that those “nice guys,” who are always starting threads about how women don’t like “nice guys,” could use, because women actually do like nice guys and guys like nice women (funny how that works :rolleyes: ). They could end it with a gentle play, like, “I’ve really enjoyed our talk. Would you like to continue it Thursday afternoon at Starbucks?” or whatever kids these days do. It may not work, and it might earn them a punch in the nose from the boyfriend, but it shows they are interested. I wasn’t trying to make a sale, but the first thing I learned as a salesman is that the sale, or the girl, usually isn’t going to waft into your lap if you don’t ask.
Welcome to my world. Too often in class I would get close to the end of making a point, stop, and admit I had forgotten what I was talking about and where I was going with it. Sometimes a good soul would pick up the fumble and take it to the goal line. At work I’ve had moments when I completely forgot why I was calling this person. Going to my script was no good because I had also forgotten how to read.
I use here, to let people know I’m not serious. But the big mistake I make is smiling at the other, nodding sympathetically, laughing when appropriate, and generally making an effort, though often forlorn for me, to follow the conversation and remember some of the main points.
