Ha! Your smart tricks can’t fool me … because I’m a moron.
– From a very very very very old Bugs Bunny cartoon. The wording may be off a bit, but you get the drift.
Indeed…
Take pretty much the entire script of Firefly/Serenity and throw in random Star Wars quotes.
“I’m a leaf in the wind” is good when I screw up but manage to get away with it anyway.
There’s never a bad time to say “And we will call it… This Land”
Sister uses “Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal” with salesdrones, I’m told.
From The Tick - “Not in the face, not in the face” around any fast-moving objects (which is common when one has two sons aged 7 & 10)
Star Wars - “I’ve got a bad feeling about this”, the 10 year old says this frequently
If someone is having trouble with just about anything - “Use the Force, Luke”. This is usually not appreciated.
“Ggrgggrrnrngngg!” or however you spell that one thing Chewie said to Han in the cockpit of the Falcon.
Fosters Home For Imaginary Friends -
“sFloor taste funny” whenever anything tastes not-quite-right.
“Now I’m a horsey” is great for changing the subject. “Now you’re a horsey, gimme up!” is even better.
I probably use Spongebob lines without even knowing it.
“Dammit, Beavis!”
Another daily favorite, from The Fairly Oddparents: I’m respecting your privacy by knocking, but asserting my authority as your parent by coming in anyway!
“Cats and dogs, living together…mass hysteria!” (as a finale to any list of bad things)
– Bill Murray Ghostbusters
“You can’t leave! All the plants’ll die!” (when someone says they’re leaving)
– Bill Murray Stripes
“Na na na nananah…”
– Chevy Chase Caddyshack
“I got a rock…” (after other people have done “I got this…” “I got that…”)
– Charlie Brown Great Pumpkin
When ever I need to get down to business // crack knuckles moment
“Let’s Dance”
-Johnny Cage, Mortal Kombat: The Motion Picture
I wan’t to use more often:
“I reject your reality, and substitute my own!”
from Mythbusters
I thought that was the peanuts Valentines day special ?
My Mom says this as well.
Dittos on “I’ll be back”, and “you just keep thinkin’, Butch”.
“Are you pondering what I’m pondering?”, and
“What do you want to do tonight?” “The same thing we do every night…try to take over the world”.
“I’m fuzzy on the whole good/bad concept”
“Damn! We’re in a tight spot!”
One of our bigger ones, from The Simpsons.
[One of Fat Tony’s Goons] Shudda yo face!
[Linguo] Shut YOUR face.
The kids and I also use two from Spongebob:
“Liar, liar, plants for hire!” “That’s pants on fire.” “You would know…liar.”
(when faced with something extra-delicious) “I think I’ll eat it now!” gulp “I think I’ll eat it now!”
Jeez, these aren’t funny if you didn’t see the show!
Maybe it was in the V-day one, but I got it from Great Pumpkin. When the kids were going out for tricks or treats, after each house they’d do a poll: “I got a candy bar!” “I got a popcorn ball!” (Charlie Brown) “I got a rock…”.
I should add:
“Patience, young padawan” - from the SW prequels, whenever my 9-year-old is climbing the walls.
“What were you THINKING?” - quoting Apu’s reaction to Marge’s banana bread, whenever my wife or I can’t believe what someone else has done.
“That’s just crazy talk! No wait, this is crazy talk…BLEARGH BLOOGH BOOOGA BOOGA BOOGA BLEEAAAAHH continuing on like this for a minute or two”
I knew more thinking would yield more results:
Boondock Saints: “I can’t believe that just fucking happened!!!”
Thanks, Elysium, I can’t believe I forgot The Big Lewbowski!
Any day I can work “nice marmot” into a conversation counts as a success.
It’s amazing how many times my answer is “It’s all for you Damian” to every request my boss makes. At home, same attitude but the answer is “My life for YOOOOOoooooou!”
And if someone just can’t grasp a simple concept? “M-O-O-N. That’s how you spell [insert topic here].” Also very handy for work.
Lots of Star Wars, lots of The Princess Bride, and anytime someone says, “Please pass the mustard”, somebody else will say, “Mustard! Let’s not be silly! Lemon; now lemon, that’s different !” From Alice in Wonderland.
“We’re gonna need a bigger boat”- a million different uses.
“Pool, pond. Pond’ll be good for you”- Caddyshack. It’s surprising how often this one is appropriate.
“Punch it, Bishop!”- Aliens. Whenever trying to maneuver our way through traffic.
“Ahh-firmative”- Aliens again.
“Alright, people. Let’s move like we got a purpose”- yeah, still Aliens. Good for getting the kids to leave the house & get in the car.
“The world’s an imperfect place. Screws fall out all the time.”- Breakfast Club. Whenever I try to repair something, and have parts left over.
“Most things in here don’t react well to bullets”, pronounced [Sean Connery]“Mosht thingsh in heah dawnt react well to bulletsh”[/SC]- The Hunt For Red October. It’s my Sean Connery impression, the opportunity for which comes up more often than one would think.
There are more, but I have to get some work done today.
“Uuuhhh, beer nuts” accompanied by Homer drool-face, whenever we are describing something wonderful.
“I think it’s the hats” from Seinfeld.
“Is anyone here a marine biologist?”
Show’s over. “But I have nowhere to go.”
Almost invariably after someone tries to lighten a dull moment by talking about how it’s fun (“Are we having fun yet?”, etc.):
“Remind me to discuss your definition of ‘fun’ sometime.”
– Windcharger, “Fire on the Mountain,” Transformers
Within my circle of family and friends, quotes and references are de rigueur. Here are some of those most likely to be used:
“We go this way!”
“I would agree with you if you were right.”
“Do you look at a menu and say, ‘OK’”?
“I hate small food, you know?”
“Maybe you can help me straighten out my Longfellow.”
“I been thinkin’ of takin’ up smokin’. This clinches it!”
“My mother did that to me once. Once!”
“You’ll feel better if you have a cookie.”
“Well I’ll say one thing for you. You sure can banter.”
“Dare we dream?”
“When’s the next bus?”
“That’s a fargin’ trick question!”
“We got a lot in common! We both scrub floors. We’re both swell lookers. And neither one of us is Chinese.”
“Yours is a capricious nature. Do you always blow hot and cold like this?”
“No time for the old in-out, luv. I’m just here to read the meter.”
“Come with uncle, and hear all proper! Here angel trumpets and devil trombones! You are invited.”
“Sometimes it is hard for us to believe that the good Lord had a plan. This is one of those times.”
“That’s why I don’t smoke anymore. Dope makes me stupid.”
“See, that’s the problem with these things. You have to watch them every minute.”
“If you sleep this late, you’re going to miss a few mini-dramas.” “Well, I just hope you’ll wake me for anything really ugly.”
“I’ve always wanted my own table. Now, I’d have a chair, too, right?”
“Have you ever gone a week without a rationalization?”
“I think the guy in the hat did something really terrible.”
“You’re so analytical. Sometimes you just have to let art . . . flow over you.”
“What is this, published somewhere?”
“This is a big decision. I’ll get back to you in the third quarter.”
“Are we the first ones up?”
“I thought everybody did everything in order to get laid.” “Who said that, Freud?” “No. I did.”
“You’re so . . . . . . . deep.”
“Remember the night we saw them at Cobo? No, you probably don’t. You were tripping pretty bad that night.”
“This is the blood of our Lord, Jesus Christ. And a damn fine Beaujolais!”
“I am the Lord they God! Out of my way, asshole!”
“I drove the money-lenders out of the temple. I think I can handle a ten-spot.”
“I’m an escaped mental patient with a history of violence.”
“God I love these things.”
“I’m Latino, and I enjoy it.”
“At least the box is cute.”
“Have you seen the people who drive Chryslers lately? They don’t look normal.”
“People who talk on car phones annoy other drivers.”
“If everybody would just move, there wouldn’t be traffic!”
“The point is, we are in the middle of a traffic jam the proportions of which would astound you.”
“If this keeps up, we’ll be here 'til Boxing Day.”
“Can we get some heat in here, or are we practicing to be Canadians?”
“Don’t let it get to me? Don’t let it get to me? Oh, no, I won’t let it get to me. As far as I’m concerned, it’s a beautiful sunny day! There’s probably a bluebird on my shoulder if I bothered to look!”
“So what should we have for breakfast? Barbecue? . . . . . OK, chili.”
“We could get diseases.”
“Can’t let a little thing like this stop a damn pilgrimage.”
“That car’s afflicted.”
“There’s nothing wrong with going nowhere, son. It’s the privilege of youth.” “We’re not youths anymore, Peter Pan!”
“They’re jailbait. Bimbos. Little girls, with little brains.” “Well we’re not trying to expand their minds, so don’t get picky.”
“You are the most irresponsible person I’ve ever met!” “Well, somebody had to be.”
“I want a woman who will arouse my intellect, as well as my loins.”
“That’s when the big bucks start rolling in.”
“I tol’ 'em we already got one!”
“It’s merely a flesh wound.”
“Remember, though it not be written down, that I am an ass.”
“If I were as tedious as a king, I could find it in my heart to bestow it all upon your worship.”
“When I said that I would die a bachelor, I did not think that I would live 'til I were married.”
“Twenty-six, and already entered middle age.”
“I wouldn’t worry. You look like a practitioner of safe sex. As a matter of fact, you look like a practitioner of no sex.”
“I have magical healing hands.”
“You despise me, don’t you?” “If I gave you any thought I probably would.”
“I never make plans that far in advance.”
“Sweetheart love, what watch?” “Five watch.” “Such watch!”
“Open the door.” “Open it yourself. I already got a client.”
“If we don’t hurry, we’ll miss all the good trees!”
“I’m a private dick on a case.”
“You’re not very tall, are you?” “Well, I tried to be.”
“You’re cute.” “What you see is nothing. I got a Balinese dancing girl tattooed on my chest.”
“You see what I did there?”
“Whaddayou know from funny, you mamzer?”
“It’s my voice, isn’t it?”
“Get that cat out of here!”
“Can I use her underwear to make soup?”
“You need a cup of my java.”
“My cab driver smelled like a man eating gorgonzola cheese while getting a perm inside a septic tank under a chicken coop. I said, ‘Hey, buddy, there’s an extra five in it if you run over a fuckin’ skunk, OK?’”
“Nobody said it was gonna be fun. At least, nobody said it to me.”
“I. Feel. BETTER!”
“It went away? ‘You are my sun, my moon, my stars, without you I dwell in darkness’ and it went away?!”
“At times like these, the Church grants dispensation.”
“This little cottontail sure wishes she had that cross back.”
“I’ll meet you at the place by the thing where we went that time.”
“Isn’t this a great date?”
“No, don’t kiss me! I don’t know where your lips have been!”
“You know, sometimes I like to eat my entire dinner using only my salad fork.” “Does that include the soup?”
“A prune Danish and a seltzer!”
“Oh my god, we’d better hurry. Before you know it, the Renaissance will be here and we’ll all be busy painting.”
“I don’t want to hear your life story.”
“I’m not overreacting! Why would I overreact? Nobody in my family overreacts!”
“Oh, Christ.” “Are you referring to our Lord and Savior?” “Yep, that’s the one.”
“What if there is no tomorrow? There wasn’t today!”
“I could explain it better, but then I’d need charts and an easel.”
“Well, I say it with a great deal of charm.”
“One, I seldom prance.”
“You’re not the only one with alimony and dope bills.”
“I am, after all, Caucasian.” “I understand my man, and I sympathize.”
“I thought we could have a few laughs before we slip into our postcoital depression.”
“See, it’s not that I don’t want to have my heart torn out. . . .”
“Well, if I were to say to you, ‘You have a fat ass,’ then you could be offended. But if I say, ‘Gee, you sure look steatopygous,’ then you don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about.”
“All right, let’s just take a step back. . . . No, wait, I’m sorry. Take a step forward. . . Now take a step back. And a step forward, and a step back, and now we’re cha-cha-ing.”
“Put simply – in deference to you, Kent. . . .”
“You’ll rue the day!” “Rue the day? Who talks like that?”
“How was I to know you were a Mason?”
“Oh my goodness gracious gosh, no! They are not devils!”
“I never saw the like! Charging out like some green leftenant anxious to be mentioned in despatches!”
“It was ‘detriments’ like us wot built this bloody Empire!”
“You mean you’d stand a chance if she had bandy legs and a hump.”
“I’m black, and I’m proud!”
“God sent him.” “On a fucking Suzuki?”
“Hey! Ginger! Shut the fuck up, willya!”
“Don’t you know the meaning of propriety?”
“I don’t know, I just thought it sounded distinguished-like.”
“Shake! Worry, willya?”
“Stop being taller than me!”
“He’s very clean.”
“There you go, hiding behind a smoke screen of bourgeois cliches!”
“Wandering abroad. Malicious intent. Conduct liable to cause a breach of peace. He’s a proper little aborigine.”
“No actually, we’re just good friends.”
“Well, I’ll have a bash.”
“Oh yes, I’d be quite prepared for that eventuality.”
“That pose is out too, sonny Jim. The new thing is to care passionately and be right-wing.”
“We turn the sound down on her and say rude things.”
“I’d like to be a hair dresser. Or two. I’d like to be two hair dressers.”
“These go to eleven.”
“The point is taken, the beast is dead.”
“You take my booze, but you won’t take my advice.” “Your advice sobers me up.”
“Perhaps I’ll fast tomorrow.”
“It flatters the wearer.”
“Wanna breed?” “Tempting . . . but no.”
“If we can’t renegotiate, we wither and die.”
“Endeavor to persevere!”
“You know how to whistle, don’t you Steve?”
“You know how to dial, don’t you? You just put your finger in the hole, and make tiny little circles.”
“Who knew there was a phone Gestapo?”
“Sorry. I’m a butler. Not a catcher.”
“Damn! This is never gonna heal!”
“Well, ain’t this place a geographical oddity!”
“I don’t want F.O.P, goddamn it! I’m a Dapper Dan man!”
“Siegenthaler, I need you!”
“I tried Burnished Peaches for awhile, but it was a bit too brassy. So lately I’ve been going with Mellow Suntone. I think it works.”
“I think . . . a little makeup today.”
“The fairness of destiny isn’t ours to judge, but if you feed hot sauce to a Rottweiler, you deserve everything you get.”
“You know. For kids.”