What movie would you like to see remade, but better?

The Doors. Oliver Stones version was fiction and terrible. Morrison as a rock star was the greatest ever; as a human being maybe the worst ever. He was horribly misogynistic and he destroyed every relationship he was in.

Is he a thinly disguised Jesus? Because unless he is, and this is some metaphorical movie, I understand the character just fine.

He’s a government assassin who walks on water and dodges bullets because he can hear your muscles contracting. He kills people that escaped prosecution or conviction for their crimes. He’s Judge Dredd with no oversight. Even Dirty Harry wouldn’t join the Magnum Force because he thought that was going too far.

If it was meant to be a parody, they should have told someone.

He is Remo Williams, The Destroyer, and the movies toned down what he and Chiun are capable of by at least half, as everyone with a nodding acquaintance will tell you.

And that makes it better…how?

The movie was supposed to be based on a popular book series, a series you apparently have no knowledge of. If/when you acquire such knowledge, I will discuss this with you.

I always wanted to see them re-do Forever Amber as an HBO or Starz-style series. The 1940s movie didn’t do the book justice.

I watched the movie. I’m willing to talk about that. But not with you.

I never did get around to seeing the movie, was his nom de guerre taken from a bed pan whilst in the hospital?

I’ll second the earlier mention for “The Last Unicorn”.

Neither Remo Williams nor Buckaroo Banzai were perfect movies, but they did have something going for them. They weren’t farces, but they weren’t entirely serious, either. They were just lighthearted enough to be fun, and did it in clever and original ways, unlike the Bond films of the same era. Capturing that sort of mood in a movie is very rare. You could remake either of them and try to fix its flaws, but it would be very hard to re-capture the joie de vivre of the original.

When I read this, at first I wasn’t sure if you were serious, or if you were taking a shot at the premise of the thread. After your interaction with Czarcasm, you do seem to be serious about this. That makes me genuinely curious.

What elements of these movies do you think are worth preserving? What’s compelling enough about them for you to want to see a remake?

Your remake pitches seem to me like saying that the Spider-Man franchise should be rebooted but this time without Peter Parker being bitten by a radioactive spider, or having spider powers or web-shooters, or being a costumed vigilante. What’s left?

Since you asked:

Spiderman, and superhero movies in general, exist in a quasi-real analog of our world. It looks and feels just like our world, but some people can be slammed around with nary a bruise or wound, and infinite power supplies can be constructed with stone knives and bearskins and are that big. Spiderman et al may have fantastical powers that defy basic physics, but once there, they are consistent (more or less).

Spidey and the rest have a reason (though again, scientifically shaky) for their powers and abilities. Radioactive spider, super genius inventing skills, super soldier serum, whatever, But how can Remo walk on water? “He trained really hard!” In the movie, there’s no indication of supernatural powers (and if they intended there to be, then they should have said so). He doesn’t dodge bullets because of “spidey sense”, he does because he can hear your tendons contracting. That doesn’t even make comic book sense! I can defeat that power with my super villain secret weapon. it’s called a Boombox.

So you are right - I got carried away. I thought it could be remade into a “good” movie. I like hero adventure movies. If Remo was more like Indy Jones, I would have enjoyed it more. And other more I think about it, the more I hate the basic premise. Maybe it can’t be saved.

As for Buckaroo Banzai, who wouldn’t like a movie about a nuclear physicist/rock star/neurosurgeon/test pilot/super genius and his merry band of quirky people who save the world? My complaint about BB isn’t the premise, it was there execution. I hated everyone of his people. Something just didn’t work. They were all quirks and no substance. All hat and fur chaps and no cattle, so to speak. And the fact there was the worldwide cult of personality around BB that bordered on actual cult. The movie made me feel like I was on the outside, definitely not a Blue Blaze Irregular. The movie reminded me of high school, and all the cool kids had all their cool catchphrases and did cool shit, but the rest of us could fuck right off. (and I was actually a cool kid in real high school! So it isn’t sour grapes)

Maybe it could be remade as quirky fun, Maybe not. But I’d be winning to give it a look.

Sky Captain was the same way. First time I saw the trailer, I thought, “this could be the greatest movie EVER!!” Cool Art Deco 30s retro-futuristic look, P-38s fighting giant robots, flying aircraft carriers, stylish comic book cinematography. If only they’d spent a little money on an actual coherent story.

Ok, that makes some sense.

The thing is, Remo Williams is neo-pulp by way of wuxia martial arts. You either buy the bit (secret martial arts techniques can give you magical powers) or you don’t. If you take out the magical martial arts and the secret government assassination bureau…he’s just some guy. There’s no there, there, anymore. If neo-pulp mixed with wuxia just aren’t your bag, well, tastes vary. But a remake is either going to have those elements, or it’s not going to actually be a remake.

As to Buckaroo Banzai, I get not liking the movie. It’s frankly just not a good movie by any reasonable standard. I personally think Peter Weller is horribly mis-cast, and drains all of the energy out of the scenes he’s in - and this is a movie that’s driven entirely by manic energy (certainly not by a coherent plot or careful character studies). It’s a sprawling, chaotic, incoherent, mess, but it’s a glorious mess. I don’t honestly know how you could re-make it as anything other than what it is.

As to the movie making you feel like an outsider - I think that’s the problem. If you felt like an outsider who didn’t get it…well, pretty much you are. The movie just wasn’t made for you. I’ve seen it described as a paean to geek culture before geek culture really existed, which I think is dead on. If you get it, there’s a pure joy in it. If you don’t, you don’t. There’s nothing wrong with that - again, tastes vary. Again, though, I think if you re-make it so that it’s more accessible, you lose what made it distinctive in the first place.

Remo Williams is the American version of a Chinese wuxia story. His fight scenes aren’t supposed to be realistic. Despite the ordinary-looking street clothes, he’s a superhero. He’s Perseus, or Robin Hood, or the Man With No Name.

How about Lord of the Rings, using all of Peter Jackson’s sets, costumes, and actors, but with a script written by someone who actually understood the novel?

And while we’re at it, Rise of Skywalker with a good, or even coherent and vaguely plausible, script.

Well that makes more sense about Remo. I didn’t think they gave any hint of that in just the movie.

I’m not sure I’m a fan of wuxia, but at least I would have known what I was in for.

Had you read any of the books you would have.

That’s true. It is so interestingly cast and persistent to all the many details in the story of such a strange time and place. Maybe could be a bit shorter… a little editing down, but very lush and delicious.

Famous and fascinating book "Bonfire of the Vanities’ just did not work well in the movie version… and i’m not even exactly sure why. Hokey lighting and poor acting just seemed stagey in places. At that age, Tom Hanks just did not seem to have the gravitas he needed. And Melanie Griffiths… fuggedaboutit.

The problem with the movie was director Brian De Palma - a good filmmaker, but utterly wrong for the subject material. It needed someone like Robert Altman, or maybe the Coen Brothers.

The problems making that movie could fill a book; and, as a matter of fact, they did.