DAMN IT! You beat me to it.
ask: “Is that an Armani loin-cloth?”
“Naw … freedom!”
I’ve been telling everyone I know that I want to take a date and make out in the front row instead.
Start singing the Monkees’ “What Am I Doing Hangin’ 'Round?” during the crucifixion.
Singing Loudon Wainwright’s “I am the Way (New York Town)” at any time.
Walk out when the brutality starts, yelling “I can’t watch this! I gave up violent movies for Lent!”
Make telephone ringing noises just after Jesus dies, and say “I’m sorry governor. You’re too late with that pardon.”
Say:
“I thought this was a movie about police brutality and a Puerto Rican guy named Jesus (HAY-sus). I want a refund!”
“Goddamn, there goes his golf swing!” during the nailing to the cross. (With apologies to Richard Hooker’s novel MASH*.)
You know how people dress up like Elves or Stormtroopers when going to see the other big movies?
I was thinking of dressing up like a Roman Soldier for this one.
“[Diet pills] made me more crazy. I knew I was crazy because I was watching Jesus Christ Superstar and during the scene where Jesus is carrying the cross up the mountain, I actually said to myself, ‘Wow! That must be a really good workout. Yeah, because you’re doing arms and cardio!’”
- Margaret Cho
What about Thimeon the Thaddutheean Thailor?
Bring a Tickle Me Elmo doll and set it off during the violence. That “Hee hee hee! That tickles!” seems so wrong it has to be right.
Start singing the sunday school favorite “My God’s Bigger Than Your God”.
Start singing internet and Cool Hand Luke favorite “Plastic Jesus”.
Go to the bathroom or concession stand, come back and ask strangers beside you, “So did I miss any good stuff?”
Dress as Satan.
Bolding mine. Can a brother get a spoiler box? Some of us haven’t read the book yet!
Jesus to Judas: “You ready to be fucked man? I see you rolled your way into the semis. Dios mio, man. Paul and me, we’re gonna fuck you up.”
Aww shit, I think I’ve guessed the ending.
Say, “Oh GOD, they’re nailing Him to a giant plus sign! Math killed Jesus! Math killed Jesus!”
Masturbate (well, that’s something you really shouldn’t do in any movie, but it would be especially bad here)
During the last shot of Satan, screaming in the pit of Hell, do not yell “KAAAAAHHHNNN!” at the top of your lungs.
“So I saw the Passion Wednesday, and --yes, it was bloody. Was it good? They beat the crap out of Jesus and crucified him. I didn’t walk out of there thinking: ‘Man, that wasa goood movie’ like Finding Nemo. Well, it was well done then, how about that? Listen, the important thing is I’m glad I took Latin. The great thing about our teacher is that we could really say we taught ourselves the language. Seriously though, it’s a good thing she finally taught us the numbers Second Year Latin. That movie was a real downer. After it ended, no one said a damn word. Hardly anyone moved out of their seats until the credits ended and the house lights came on again. And when they were whipping him; it was so bad. They started out with sticks, then whips, then they had whips with thorns. You really did see a piece of his flesh ripped off at one part in it. The important thing is it was interesting being able to know what they were saying without the subtitles. Because, everyone was really blue when they were torturing Jesus, because it’s Jesus, you know? A lot of people hard a hard time sitting through it, and the girl next to me was crying. Pretty heavy. But listen, I’m real glad she showed us the numbers because when they were whipping Jesus, I could count along!”
Me on Friday. It was a pretty heavy movie though.
Unus! (crack) Duo! (crack) Tria! (crack) Quartuor! (crack)… viginti octo! (crack) viginti novem! (crack), um, uh, dang! Teacher never taught us what the Latin for “thirty” is!
Well, since it happened well over a decade ago, I claim the statute of limitations has expired.
Sorry to correct you, but the scene shows Jesus putting his hand the man’s ear, then removing it and you see the ear is restored. If you see it again, you’ll be surprised you missed it.
Now I have to prepare for Hell for laughing at all these. I have to say my favorite is the drinking game. Though I’m pissed I didn’t think of that first.
I know, duffer, I was making a joke. Badly, as it turns out.
Keep repeating Sint mihi dei acherontis propitij, valeat numen triplex Iehouae, ignei, aerij, Aquatani spiritus saluete, Orientis princeps Beelzebub, inferni
ardentis monarcha et demigorgon, propitiamus vos, apariat et surgat Mephistophilis, quod tumeraris, per Iehouam gehennam et consecratam aquam quam nunc spargo, signumque crusis quod nunc facio, et per vota nostra ipse nunc surgat nobis dicaetis Mephistophilis in a low, rumbling tone.
Or fake stigmata. Whatever turns your crank.
“Yeah, like THAT could ever happen!”
“Hey! Hey! Why doesn’t he just turn some stones into bread? Didn’t think of THAT, eh?”
“Always look on the bright side of life” - I know, but it bears repeating 
Especially if you’re male.