When Jesus cries “Why have you forsaken me?!” don’t start singing Chop Suey by System of a Down.
Don’t sing along with the subtitles.
Don’t loudly complain that Gibson is using Church Latin rather than a more historically version of the language.
At the end of the movie, when everyone is sitting very quietly and letting everything sink in, do not break out in hysterical laughter. Bad form.
Don’t make the mistake of thinking the movie is Jesus & I, and shouting out your favourite lines.
“You’re lookin’ very beautiful man. St. Peter will probably preach the epistles to the apostles dressed like that.”
“The joint I am about to roll requires a craftsman, and can utilise up to twelve skins. It is called a Gethsemane Carrot.”
“Herod you terrible cunt!”
“We want the finest wines known to humanity. We want them here, and we want them now… Blimey! Nice one Jesus!”
“GET ON THE BACK OF THE CROSS!”
You knew someone would.
(Well, someone probably has, somewhere, anyway.) 
When J-man is being taken off the cross, say, in Arnie’s voice, “I’ll be back.”
Just before J-man is hung on the cross, say, “Hello, is this the Judea Hilton? Yeah, can you put me up for the night?”
Throw a half-chewed jujubee at the screen (so it sticks), then exclaim “The jujubees killed Jesus!”
Do NOT Quote the following Bill Hicks passage:
“Man, this is a total ripoff of Life of Brian.”
“On the whole, I think I prefer the book.”
I noticed that Mel didn’t have a shot of a Roman soldier syaing “Truly this was the son of God!”.
I guess that he didn’t want people to be reminded of the movie where John Wayne had a cameo as that soldier. (John Wayne voice: “Tru-ly, this was the Sun of Gawd!”)
How about The Passion Revelations? I hear that the scene where Jesus and the Keymaster hijack a white horse and battle an entire army of replicated Satans is supposed to be the most complicated sequence ever put on film.
Don’t comment “Who the Hell is that actor? That’s got to be the worst Aramaic accent I’ve ever heard!”
I for one will not be making cheesy comments during the crucifixion scene, I will be too busy eating.
Or if I’m lucky, making out.
Don’t, during the crucifixion, shout “DIE! DIE you miserable BASTARD! SPQR! Roma FOREVER!”
Or…“This is the ‘Spike, Iron, half-cubit.’ Standard Roman Army issue, and the most powerful nail in the world…So, do you feel holy? Do ya…punk?”
Or, after leaving the theater, loudly muse “It’s sad, really…with modern psychiatric medication, he could have led a normal and productive life!”
Right before the nailing, do NOT say to your companion,
“This is where He takes one for the team.”
Say: “Hey ma, I can see the house from here”
Ask: “Did Mary Magdalene make Jesus pay again for the second coming?”
That’s the Judean People’s Front! The sworn enemy of the People’s Front of Judea, and the Front of the Judean People, and the Judean People’s Popular Front.
From the above link:
'Once inside the movie, Christians began pelting Wendell with Gummy Bears, Ju-Ju Bees, and popcorn. Management got involved after a 75-year-old woman, Hazel Meyer, poured a 64-ounce Coca-Cola on Wendell.
Tim Tolbert, General Manager of Kerasotes Stadium 16, asked Wendell to leave because he was such a disruptive presence. “Our corporate policy is to eject anyone that interferes with the movie experience of fellow patrons,” Tolbert said.’
Some old lady poured a half gallon of Coke on him, and he’s the one interfering with the movie patrons?! Somebody’s got their wires crossed here. (So to speak.)
It behooves me to (more clearly) point out that that is a (pretty astonishingly lame) spoof news site.
Observe:
“Real” news - Indiana Attorney General Weighs In On Same Sex Marriages
Hoosier Gazette - Gay marriage to be legal in Indiana
The “Guy Dresses as Satan” story is poor satire because real news is usually funnier, and the “Same Sex Marriage” bit is poor satire because it’s clearly written by a thirteen year old under the influence of a six-pack of shitty beer he stole from his old man.
(Don’t feel bad about the whoosh – I found the link presented at face value at (the usually more discerning and media-savvy) Jim Romenesko’s 'blog. I see he has since taken it down, so I imagine he was taken in, too.)
I was going to say “die” but that would be in poor taste.
Professor Frink voice: “Owww…with the hammers…and the nailing…glavin!..”