What NOT to say when getting your dog out of the kennel

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

So, after I paid the dog’s bail, the nice lady asked if I wanted to come back when the dog was released. I said sure, since it’s another chance to check out what the boarding kennel is like and see some nice dogs.

But just as the kennel lady bent over to undo the door latch, another part of my tired brain took over and said:

(Hannibal Lecter)

“Don’t stand too close to the bars, Clarice.”

(Hannibal Lecter)

I don’t think she recognized the quote, but the tone of voice stopped her short. I had to explain (lie) that I sometimes call my dog “Clarice” and wanted her to settle down.

Better than saying, “I was quoting a fictional serial killer. You don’t mine if I do that when we’re back here, … all… alone. Do you now, Clarice?”

Whistlepig, who really needs some sleep.

2

“Ah, I see he’s not foaming at the mouth right now.”

“This isn’t my dog.”

“If he resists going in the cage next time, just beat him.” (I AM NOT ADVOCATING BEATING ANIMALS!)

“How much do you think he’s worth… a pound?”

“You should see it when he goes after Jr… Only three years old the little boy is! I say, better than my leg.”
(so wrong… I know…)

3

Lets see, his’s about 20 pounds, at 25 minutes per pound…aaa…that makes dinner about nine o:clock…

4

“He wasn’t that color when I dropped him off!!”

5

“C’mere Osama! There’s a good boy! I missed you!”

" 'Sup, bitch?"

“Can I have the poop?”