Thanks for the support and the alternative perspectives. There have been a lot of comments in here that have provided food for thought, and some internal strength, so when I need to pull in a reserve, I’ll think back to how certain Dopers would respond.
For the record, Tulsa is in Oklahoma, not AZ. And, unfortunately, my abode doesn’t have a garage, so that option is completely out (if it were ever to be considered). I also don’t advocate locking dogs in vehicles, so that option would be out for me (and besides, my neighborhood is such that I think if an animal were locked in a vehicle, the local police would be out there poping the locks of the vehicle quicker than I could throw on my coat).
I am under the impression that his cousin, Michelle (who is receiving the furniture) paid for the gas for him to transport the furniture half way across the country. (I cannot believe I never wrote of the squalor in which he lives–when Hallboy visited him for 5 weeks over the summer, but I think I must have been too humilated to write about it on the boards–it’s not turning up in any search. So, he either slept in his truck on the way up, or rented nasty hotel rooms along the way.) I think my father tacked on the “well I’ll use this opportunity to see my son and daughter in Pennsylvania”, or as he might phrase it, “See my kinfolk”. (I’ve heard him use this expression numerous times in complete seriousness, no kidding involved.) He apparently has neglected the fact that throughtout the lives of both my brother and I, he’s abandoned us on several opportunities, the longest of which was about 15 years for my brother. So, while we don’t harbor any ill will towards him (that takes up more time and energy that my brother and I would rather devote elsewhere), we’re really not excited about the prospect of hanging with our daddy. (insert sarcastic smilie here) Let’s just say there’s been a lot of crap in between the times when he was in our lives and leave it at that. Afterall, this thread is already up to four pages, and I could easily fill another dozen or so with all the shit he’s pulled in my life.
Listen, under the circumstances, I’m willing to give him (and the Hallkids) two days this weekend. He’s 60 something, and every time I see him, I tell myself it’s likely to be the last time. However, as callous as it sounds, when he dies, I hope it’s in Tulsa and unfortunately (not) I won’t be able to make the trip to bury him. If that sounds cold, too bad, but that’s the way it is. Why then would I let him come for the weekend? Well, that’s complicated, but it amounts to the shred of pity I have left for the idiot man who has had a hard life (not always of his own making) and in spite of his ignorance, has his moments when he sincerely tries. Plus, I really do think he geniuninely wants to see me and his grandkids.
I don’t resent the fact that at this point in his life, he’s so fucked up that he cannot sustain a relationship with much of anyone (particularly a long term relationship), and that his source of companionship are his dogs. I get that and accept it for what it is.
I don’t resent that he’s so insecure that he’s never managed to figure out that being alone doesn’t always equal loneliness, and that for him, loneliness has always been a factor, regardless of who is or isn’t in his life, his house or his bed. If these two dogs temper some of that loneliness, then I don’t resent him for grabbing at it, in spite of how much of an irresponsible pet owner his is or isn’t. Frankly, he’s 1,200 miles away and I don’t particularly care much one way or the other, especially since I don’t have to deal with on a daily basis.
What I do resent is someone–anyone–who disregards my explicit instructions when it comes to my home. My home is my oasis, and I don’t take the invasion of such lightly. I’m a fairly non-confrontational person, open to negotiation on just about anything. Contrary to what might appear so in this thread, I rarely dig in my heels and refuse to budge, but when I do, that’s it. When I say no (which is rare), I mean no. Since, I don’t have many hills on which I’m prepared to die, I recognize them when they do come along. This is my hill on which I’m prepared to die.
