Not every excrutiating detail. This is an un-potty trained dog, remember?
But this is the dope, remember. I think *every *excruciating detail is exactly what we need 
Oh, shit.
:: puts fingers in ears ::
I can’t hear you! La la la!!
Well, I wasn’t under the impression were were speaking in legal terms. I sure wasn’t. I was speaking in relational/psychological terms.
And what would you call being an asswipe “accidentally on purpose,” which was what I was talking about? People cultivate obliviousness as a defense against being held accountable, because they just don’t wanna be held accountable. I wasn’t talking about people who are too stupid to be aware of their impact on others (I think that’s fairly rare, anyway); I’m talking about people who blithely go along without giving it any thought, because they are too self-absorbed, because it’s a cultivated habit borne out of desire to 1> get what they want and 2> not get called on it.
Over time, yes, it became an ingrained habit that they do without thinking, but it didn’t start out that way. They do it because it works, a lot of the time, and they know it. Bad habits develop the same way good ones do. It still doesn’t actually absolve them of responsibility for their bad behavior, as much as they may try to convince you that it does. Unless someone actually has developmental disabilities, “I’m too stupid/ignorant/oblivious to know better” just really doesn’t fly with me.
Would a more positive approach work? Rather than asking** if **he has the dog, say “Oh, I’m so glad you were able to find a place for the dog. I kept imagining the terrible conflict that would arise if you showed up with the dog and had to leave him in the car or go find a hotel. We would have been so sorry to have the visit ruined.”
My concern would be that** asking** him about the dog implies that there is some doubt–that there is some leeway or that you expect him to be noncompliant. Flipping it around lets you make it clear (again) that the dog is not coming in the house.
After reading most of this thread, I really don’t see the problem with stating “Dad, if you bring that dog here you’re just not coming into the house”.
I have a relatively healthy relation with my dad, but there are times I do tell him he’s acting like a stupid ass.
Sorry. We’re looking for somebody taller. But I’ll have my people call yours and see if we can’t expand he part of of the cake for you.
I think with the right circumstances you could be looking at a shot for best supporting pastry.
Very good.
Oh, no thank you. repeat like a broken record. This is very amusing after the fifth time.
Phone call tonight…He asked if I could help him find a hotel, and when I mentioned that Red Roof Inn accepts pets, he asked about the cost. Told him it was around $70 a night and he gasped. “Well, that’s too much,” he said, “I guess I’ll leave Chiquita here with Michelle” (in Arlington).
“Sounds good,” I told him.
Still, we’re prepared to take out coats and meet him at the door if he has any last minute changes…
I wonder how Michelle feels about that?
So he’s going to drive from Virginia to Pennsylvania, then back to Virginia to get the dog, then back to AZ? That’s a helluva lot of backtracking/going out of his way. That would probably cost him a good amount of money in gas - which, if he can’t afford $70, how’s he going to afford it?
He’s better off just not coming to see you. It’s pretty clear from this thread that you don’t care for him and don’t want to see him. I can’t imagine you greeting him with open arms if/when he arrives.
By the way, your dad totally does sound like a selfish, manipulative asshole - I mean, volunteering to drive cross-country just to bring his cousin some furniture, especially when he’s broke (can’t even afford a cheap hotel) - how jerkish is that?! :rolleyes:
OK, sarcasm aside… that is a pretty nice thing to do, for him to drive cross country to bring his cousin furniture. Why do you think he is doing that? How do you think he can afford it, gasoline and all? Where is he sleeping during the trip, especially since it’s a multi-day trip? If he’s broke, where do you think he could have left his dogs?
I’m really sorry, I just can’t understand why you’re making such a big deal out of this, unless you really hate him that much, and if so, just tell him so, and that you don’t want to see him OR the dogs. Why make it all about the dogs, if it’s really him you hate?
For a parent or other relative/loved one who is broke and driving cross-country and needs a place to stay, certainly you could find a way to accommodate the dog. Keep it in the garage with a heating pad; in the crate in the laundry room; ask a dog-friendly friend to keep it overnight; outside with an electric blanket.
I mean, this is your father; I can’t imagine treating my own father with such disdain… I mean, unless he had abused me or something, in which case I would just not see him period. Our parents aren’t around forever, and who knows, this may be the last time your kids will see their grandpa. What kind of example are you setting for them to treat your father with such disdain? I’m so sorry, you just sound so cold. It’s understood if he abused you… and if he did, why do you see him/talk to him at all?
And just think… he could have saved himself so much trouble and money had he only thought to leave both dogs with Auntie back home… if only he’d known that the dogs weren’t welcome at phall’s place… :rolleyes:
The fuck-up was his, and so are the consequences. He had options before he ever hit the road. He has fewer now that he’s already left with dog in tow. Oh well, he’s a grown up, I’m sure he can figure it out.
Well to be fair, we don’t know why he did not leave both dogs with the aunt. Maybe she is like the OP and would not allow both dogs.
In which case… he still knew that neither dog was welcome at phall’s, either. He already knew he either had to find someplace else for the dog, or forgo the visit; he tried to pull a fast one instead, hoping he’d get to have it both ways.
This is all stuff that could have been dealt with before he ever left his hometown. Call Auntie and make sure she can take both. Call another local friend to take the extra dog. Hell, call phall and tell her that he couldn’t find a place for both dogs and unfortunately won’t be able to visit because he has to bring the dog with him. Cancel the trip entirely, with apologies to cousin, because it’s just going to be too expensive for him to afford. He had the option of making grown-up, responsible choices based on what he was dealt. The fact that he didn’t do any of that speaks volumes.
So…in a nutshell, you suspect she doesn’t have a good relationship with her father. What tipped you off, Sherlock? The first sentence of the OP where she said her conversations with him are rare? Post 67 where she describes what kind of jerk he’s been all her life?
Let it go man. It’s clearly not a secret that she doesn’t get along with her dad. The how, why, and gory history, specifically, isn’t anybody’s business unless she wants to detail it. This thread IS about the dogs, and the reasons that this particular issue is the last straw are irrelevant. So he’s doing something nice for somebody, great, fantastic. He’s also being the same old inconsiderate jerk he’s always been to her. There’s a heck of a lot of grey area between “loving parent” and “abusive parent” and there is also a lot of grey area between “honoring your parents” and "cut them out of your life completely.’ Why you think she deserves a big ol’ guilt trip for standing up to her father who’s trying to take advantage of her, just because you can’t fathom doing it, is beyond me.
One possibility is that he is trying to take advantage of her. Another possibility is that he is trying to do a nice favor for his cousin by driving cross-country to pick up furniture, but is on a limited budget, can’t board his dog, can’t afford a hotel, and was hoping for some kindness/flexibility from his daughter. It’s a chihuahua, ferchristsakes, not a rottweiler or doberman.
The OP’s refusal to budge now means that the father will now have to drive non-stop without a place to stay overnight (dangerous), or sleep in the car in freezing weather (dangerous) or drive 100+ miles of of his way when he is already tight on money. Is this battle of wills really worth making her father do that?
The fact that she would rather have her dad be stranded 1,000 miles from home with no place to stay, in freezing weather, rather than let a little dog stay overnight in her garage, also speaks volumes.