On a whim I created an on-line personal, just to see who might be out there in the area. A couple of women responded and one in particular started to develop. We chatted on-line, traded emails, and called each other for a while. Then we had our first date. It didn’t go over very well. In fact, it went pretty bad.
So I was put in the spot, for once, of breaking it off. I did it as easily as I could (having been on that end of the conversation often enough). Well, maybe it was too easy. I honestly had no problems continuing to chat with her on-line (like I told her when she asked), but I also told her that would be all I was interested in.
Now she’s been on-line for an hour, hinting around that she wants me to come over to her place for a little nookie. I have repeatedly told her that that’s not going to happen. Well, now it’s moved from hinting (as if the hiniting was anything but transparent) to an outright statement. How many times can you say you’re not interested?
I see the “block user” button on AIM being used very quickly.
Well, since she’s being rude by not respecting your wishes (and your privacy), maybe you have no recourse except to be rude back. It really, really sucks being put into the position of having to tell people that you don’t want to be with them and you don’t even really want to talk to them anymore, especially if you’re not used to being in that position. But if she’s being pushy and not getting the message that friends = friends, then she’s not your friend and doesn’t deserve your “letting her down easy.”
I’d suggest putting it bluntly: “Comments like that make me uncomfortable because I’ve already had to say that I’m not interested in you that way. Please stop or I’m going to have to stop talking to you altogether.”
Have you said it as clearly as you think? Just being distant and standoffish doesn’t get the point across. See my current thread on an internet dating story…
I find your situation unusual. In my own experience, I have stayed in touch as friends after a trying for few weeks and then calling it off, but never after just one date.
You have my empathy - but I haven’t had any stalkers yet (at least not since I was a teen). I broke it off with several, but they always respected my wishes.
“look, I told you I’m not interested. Now I don’t want any further contact, because that would apparently make me a insensitive loser who was leading you on. Go away. I mean it. I’m blocking you now.”
Ditto. This is just me, but I’d take her up on her offer (once, anyway) just to know absolutely that there’s nothing between us. I mean, you never know, she might be great in bed or something, and if so, you’d have some kind of twisted comprimise. Some people I’ve had a strong sexual attraction towards I can hardly stand in normal circumstances. People are wierd like that
Am I deluded? Damn straight! :o Desperate? Well, I prefer the word ‘opportunistic’ in the sense that I’ll try to make the most out of a situation; if there’s any lemonade I can squeeze out of them lemons in life I’ll do it.
Bad idea. This just reinforces her idea that frequent harassment will get results, so she’ll just try even harder when he says, “No really, I mean it this time…”
As long as you have hands, there is no need to take her up on the offer.
Believe you me, there is little in this world that can drain the joy right out of life the way a stalker can. Distance isn’t enough. You need to excise her from your life like you would a malignant tumor.
Well, yeah, maybe now it would be a bad idea, but when the offer was first brought onto the table…
…I mean at least test drive before you say no! That way you have a better excuse- “I gave us a try, but it just wasn’t to my liking. I think its best both of us moved on” then you redirect her to some other horny bastard, maybe she’ll latch on to him!
Yeah, I’m having trouble understanding why you’d turn down nookie. I mean, I would right now because I have a girlfriend, but it doesn’t sound like you’re in that kind of situation. The only other reasons I could see would be suspicion of STDs or downright unattractiveness.
I dunno, maybe he suspected clingy-ness when he met her, and decided to bail early, figuring that once she had sex with him, she might be even harder to get rid of. Women seriously don’t want to feel like they were just used for sex and then dumped, so she might well be even harder to get rid of in that case.
This was a mistake, in my opinion. I know you were trying to let her down easy by saying you could still chat on-line, but really you’re just stringing her along. The two of you started talking to see if there was a romantic connection between you. You didn’t feel one, so you should gently sever the relationship as early as possible. To not do so turns a single rejection into a long series of rejections before you inevitably stop talking to her.
If you felt that the romantic disinterest was mutual and you both really enjoyed talking to each other, then it might have worked to try being friends. Otherwise, it really is kinder to completely end things right at the beginning.
Thanks all for the advice and the humor. That was very good food for thought Giraffe, perhaps something to act on.
As for how things went wrong, it’s rather hard to verbalize. It was a combination of little things, most of which could be overlooked singly or in small numbers, that added up to something that I didn’t want to deal with.
Maybe you’re right smartini, I’ll give redirection a try…You want her number Miller?
in the sense that I’ll try to make the most out of a situation; if there’s any lemonade I can squeeze out of them lemons in life I’ll do it.
