What passage would you insert into Pope Benedict XVI's upcoming speech in Turkey?

Not the kind of GD thread that needs a cite, but here’s a short overview of the upcoming papal trip and some ‘pre-reaction’ and expecations on the part of the Turkish public. In fact, this thread is borderline IMHO/GD fodder - but I assume its religious nature and the fact it could garner debate-like replies prompted me to park it here.

After this summer’s speech and the reactions it spawned from Muslims, Christains, Secularists & others; (as well as the apology or twenty that followed); the eve of the Pope’s trip to Turkey that we’ve heard about for well over a month is upon us.

I don’t pretend to be a seer, and I don’t know any insiders over at the Vatican, but I have a feeling the speech Pope Benedict gives is going to be light on substance and heavy on cliches. Reader’s Digest Predition: Blah-blah Blah. Sorry…apologize…violent pasts of both faiths…Islam is a religion of peace…forgivesness…same God…kiss the Koran…Blah-blah Blah. Blah-blah Blah. But I don’t want feedback on that summary prediction, I want to read a debate what you think he should say. (In as realistic a manner as possible. Not a smarmy refernce to Rodney King – or some hair-brained proposal like,“I, as head of the Catholic Church, call for the end of all organized religion.” Because, come-on, we all know there’s a snowballs chance in hell that’ll happen).

That’s not my impression of the man. I would actually expect him to present some fairly thoroughly reasoned, but poorly explicated, theological points that are liable to be misunderstood by everyone except those who have as much education as he has. He will probably offer a sincere apology that will be marred by some parenthetical turn of phrase that is taken entirely out of context by all the people outside and inside the church who are already (as I am) predisposed to not like him. (On the other hand, having some undertanding of his approach to things, I may cut him some slack for his actual statements–for which I will be accused of simply rolling over and defending him because I am a Catholic).

Here’s what I would add: “Do you guys want to gain entrance into the EU or not?”

“Please don’t kill me.”

“By the way, everyone else in the world knows about the Armenian genocide, so man up and admit it.”

I don’t think there’s anything he can say or do that would mollify people who can convince themselves to be offended anytime anyone says anything even mildly critical about their religion. I don’t think that any of the “professional victims” in this instance knows exactly what the Pope said; they just know that he spoke out against Islam. In my opinion, he should just explain what he said; what will probably happen is that he will apologize just to get people to settle down.

“I swear, we serve goose at the Vatican for Christmas!”

“I love the cock.”

“May your mouths be filled with pork and your anuses with the fiery members of the jinn! Islam is teh suxxor!”

You know, something to molify the rabble and stimulate the intellectuals.

When an idiot with most people behind him speaks to a crowd of idiots who have fewer people behind them, does it really matter?

The Pope will utter many lies, as he always has done, and as is required of him, as the leader of a religion. Those who bother to listen to him (and there will be many) will agree or disagree with the Pope’s lies.

Then, every person involved will demonstrate that they don’t really care about any of it except in the name of making money.

“I sincerely hope for peace and understanding between the Catholic Church and all you hellbound followers of a false and evil faith.”

[sub]Apologies to the Onion[/sub]

“And then the bartender says, ‘That’s not a duck!’”

(pause for laughter)

“In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen. Gloria in excelsis Deo. Et in terra pax hominibus bonae voluntatis…”

While I left this here on the grounds that it might spark an actual discussion, it has clearly become little more than a poll for middling jokes and trepid venom, so it is off to IMHO.

[ /Moderating ]

“Hi, mom!”


“I’m going to VATICANWORLD!”

Misread as: What passage would you insert Pope Benedict XVI into for his upcoming speech in Turkey? :eek:

“You say po-tay-to and I say po-tah-to.”

“As a leader of the Christian faith, I must ask my Muslim brothers…who really benefits when our religions feud? I’ll tell you…Red China, that’s who. Yeah, you heard me right, the commies. They’re just sitting quietly by, not interfering, letting us bleed each other white over who’s god is stronger, or who’s women need to be cloistered more—but they’re just biding their time until one day—BAM, next thing you know, Uncle Mao’s portrait is hanging in the Madjid al-Haram, and I’ll have to learn how to recite The East is Red in medieval Latin.”

Something like that. Should be good for some fireworks. :smiley:

(We REALLY need a “devil smiley.”)

“Me and the other saints just flew in from Rome. And boy, are their wings tired.”

“Paleologus once said that Islam is a violent religion. He also said that the followers are really stupid, and that muhammed was a son of a whore. Remember I’m still just quoting here. Also, he said, you all smell bad. And you there on the front row, he said, what in the world is wrong with your face. You sure got hit by a bucket of ugly.”


I cannot be the first person to suggest putting “Cthulhu ia! ia! Cthulhu ia!” smack in the middle of one of the sentences.

I’d finish with "The buffet opens in 5 minutes. Try the ham. It’s delicious. :smiley: