Interpret the question any way you want. I’m generally looking for one of each, but feel free to elaborate.
I’ll go first. The trait I like the most in myself is that I am utterly reliable. if I agree to do something, be somewhere, complete a task, pick you up, feed your cat/dog, deliver something, etc., I will absolutely be there and do it. If I’m not there, call the hospitals or morgue, because the only way I will fail to show up (on time) and do the thing is if I am unconscious or dead. If I’m hospitalized but conscious, I will call you.
What I don’t like is that I easily take personal offense at a real or imagined slight, get my feelings hurt, and get mad at the offender. Maybe that’s three, but they happen almost simultaneously. Unlike our so-called President, I don’t tend to lash out in public. I’ll stew and possibly plot a private revenge that I don’t ever get around to carrying out. I might try to talk to the person eventually, but in my experience, those conversations often don’t go as well as we want them to.
I like that if you give me a problem and it is a halfway interesting one, I’ll get you the correct answer some way, somehow. I don’t give up easily.
I dislike that I am not more emotionally available. I am okay enduring short stints with people. I am great with superficial interactions. But if you want more from me, I’ll bail.
My Personality Traits and Characteristics of Adult Children of Alcoholic ! I feel I have to give every details and ready to defend myself , I am already for combat ! It’s very exhausting . I can relate to Ambivalid post .
Like: I am very good at presenting things in a way that gets people to think of it from a different perspective; I can usually quickly come up with three or four insights about a situation that wouldn’t occur to most other people, then present it in a memorable way.
Dislike: Oh…where to begin.
Wouldn’t be good to turn this into a personal blog post, so I will limit it to just a few:
I am highly unreliable at times, unlike the OP.
Very messy.
Very lazy, too…
Very poor at picking up on social cues or non-direct communication.
Also, very much a late bloomer, but even worse than that, often someone who even the most obvious things do not occur to until it’s very late or too late. Might sound contradictory given what I wrote above, but oftentimes I can notice the smallest details while the most obvious things escape my attention. To give an example, I’d never truly been out on a date with a woman until I was very well into my 20s. I hadn’t even really noticed the “Hmmm, I’ve never had a girlfriend in my whole life” issue until I was around 25. It wasn’t that I was shy about asking a woman out - I actually have almost no fear or shyness about that whatsoever. Rather, it was that *the idea of asking a woman out on a date had never even occurred to me. * It wasn’t until I was well into my 20s that I realized “You know, this relationship stuff doesn’t happen unless you do something to make it happen.” Well, better realizing it now than in my 30s.
Let me ask it a different way: is there something that other people seem to value about you (friends or coworkers), i.e., something you do, or some way that you are, even if it’s not a thing that you particularly value or like about yourself. Something you do better than the average bear-- an eye for detail? A way to see past details? Gift for organization? Getting things done without having to go through the step of organizing?
“Hey, we need <something or other>– call PHA, she’ll know what to do/ how to get us out of it/ a way make it fun/ where to hide the bodies.”
Interesting, can you elaborate? I find myself doing the same thing, thinking I have to defend myself and expect to be ignored or invalidated because of my upbringing.
Which is one of the traits I really don’t like. Another trait I have that I really don’t like is because I’m mildly intelligent I can convince myself that I am smarter than I actually am or other people aren’t as smart as they actually are. Combined with the above issue and its caused me some issues because I won’t ask for help or think people can’t help me (which I guess ties into what you describe).
Trait I like is tenacity. If I have a problem I keep trying until something works.
People say I am very smart but I don’t feel smart , I guess it b/c my grammar sucks and I can’t spell for shit . I was told I was good at my job as a health aide but I have hard time believing people . I put myself down a lot and my daughter hate it . I am very observing and sometime I wish I wasn’t .
My dad was very abused with me and threw all kind of objects at my head and hit me on my head all the time . If made it very hard going to the dentist , I can’t stand my head being moved roughly and I get on a defense and can’t relax . Alcoholics are very good at making you feel guilty when you had gone nothing and if something goes wrong it your fault, you have an overwhelming sense everything is your responsibility . A neighbor car inspection is about expire and I keep feeling it my job to tell him and will feel guilty if he get a ticket ! I know this nuts but I was brought up this way . I been told I was stupid for so long so when I am told I am smart now I don’t believe. I took reading strategy in college and it was a real hard glass for a lot of students . I just about fell over when I got a ‘B’ for the course! I asked my teacher if she gave me a ‘B’ b/c she liked me and she was surprised ! I couldn’t that I got a B !
Flip sides of the same coin. I like that I am very easy going and able to go with the flow as things unfold. In other words I don’t have to have it my way; I’ll settle for any way that works. On the bad side, once something starts I want to see it finished. I can be like a bulldog or more like that idiot beating his head against a brick wall until whatever it is gets finished. I don’t like that about me - even I find it annoying sometimes.
This is definitely a trait of children of alcoholics that cuts both ways. You see everything and can pick up on the atmosphere in a room. Have you ever read anything on so-called “highly sensitive people”? http://www.hsperson.com. and http://highlysensitivepeople.com
It’s like you know more than you want to–your channels are open and you wish you could shut them down. But it can also be something useful and positive. You learned to be hypervigilant in your childhood home, and you carry that skill into your adult life, for good or for ill.
I take criticism well. If it is useful, I learn from it. If it is not useful, I may learn about the person offering it, but I do not react. Water off a duck’s back. Like they said in the Army, “If it applies, pick it up; if it doesn’t, drive on.” If I think a person is genuinely wiser than I am, and they are offering criticism, I try to engage them, to make the feedback as useful as possible. I don’t shy away from it. Once they realize my feelings are not hurt, they take off the kid gloves, and really get down to dirt, but that kind of criticism is actually more useful than the vague sort of thing you get from someone who is trying to tell you it wasn’t good without hurting your feelings.
For example “You seemed timid” might actually mean “You stood there for a long time, and then said ‘May I sit down.’ Anyone else would have just sat down.” Well that’s the way I was raised-- you do NOT sit without being asked. If I am standing around a long time, I may ask, because I think maybe someone forgot, or was just raised differently, but I can’t be sure. Maybe they don’t want me to stay. Now I know how some people actually perceive that behavior, and I’ll have to think of a cleverer way of asking to sit, that won’t be perceived that way by someone who isn’t expecting the question.
My worst trait is that I cannot shut up. I have an opinion about everything, and everything someone says makes me think of a story. Self-censoring is really, really hard.
I’m reliable and honest, a little introverted, so I’m a good listener:).
I used to resist it thinking that something was wrong with me, but now I just embrace my introversion.
What I don’t like about myself is that I often take things close to heart and worry a lot, but I’m constantly working on it. Every time I catch myself worrying, I imagine the worst case scenario that could happen. I’m so glad I’ve read “How to stop worrying and start living” by Dale Carnegie.
I like that I am really laid back and rarely get mad.
I dislike when I do get mad, I EXPLODE in bursts and often say some nasty things. But then five minutes later I’m back to being laid back again.
ETA: I just realized the irony between my user name and post. Lol