What’s your fandom’s VFU rating on the Fandom Douchiness Scale?

Cafe Society
1

Based on a request in this thread, I’m creating a measurement scale of the douchiness of a fandom. The scale will be measured in VFU, or vagina flooding units, as in, if the fandom collective (FC) were, in fact, a giant douche, how many vaginas could be cleansed by said FC. For standardization’s sake, 1 VFU= the douche cleansing ability to rid Liv Tyler’s vagina of sand after a photo shoot on the beach.

Obviously, douchiness can be subjective, so in order to properly calibrate the scale, let’s list some of the douchey things your particular fandom has said or done.

**MST3K **– VFU of 20,000.

Reason – A complete and utter in-fucking-ability to get along with each other, or any other being on the planet. I have been on the official MST message board and witnessed threads in which “MSTies” essencially jerked off to the fact that they understood a mildly obscure pop reference (“Oh, uh, MARX BROTHERS! UH!”), and then turned around and started a screaming war because “Mike is better than Joel, you waste of a human being!” It’s truly a mind blowing flow of douchiness.

Because I have to:

**Supernatural **-VFU of 16,000.

Reason – A complete and utter hatred of the very vagina they cleanse. Supernatural fans HATE the poon on an epic scale, and would rather suck an undead cock than let a female character anywhere within 20 feet of Sam and Dean. Furthermore, when Kripke was cool enough to poke mild fun at the fandom in a recent episode, a good sized section of the fandom responded with self-important rage (quote: “Get that fucking spotlight off of me, Kripke!”). I was going to give a rating of only 15,000 VFUs, but I threw on an extra 1,000 for that girl who, at a Q and A, snapped “Just answer the question!” at Jared Padalecki. Solid douchiness.

To properly calibrate, I’m going to need data and suggestions, so let’s hear it!

2

I’m a Supernatural fan but I don’t act like that. Then again I’m also male and straight.

3

What happened to Fan Duchiness Scale? I liked the thought of calling it FDS.

4

It’s still called the fandom douchiness scale. Vagina flooding units (VFU) are the units of measurement on the FDS.

I’m female, a huge Supernatural fan, and I don’t act like that either. But I have to judge the fandom as a whole, so I’m going with the peak of the fan douche bell curve.

5

As long as we have this worked out :D;)

Hmmm - so, how to calibrate the scale?

I wonder how Joss Whedon fans would rate? I am a huge fan, but am very open to hearing that non-fans would accuse us fanboys and -girls of possessing massive VFU’s.

6

By “fandom” do we mean specific show/band/movie fandom? Does “science fiction fandom” as a broader category count?

7

I think it should be a little more specific. Something like “Larp” fans, or “Furry” fans, or maybe even “Sci Fi con” fans would be okay. But just sci fi fan is pretty broad.

8

We’re waaaaay up there. I just don’t have the skill to explain as eloquently as the OP.

9

Twilight fandom’s VFU rate is way up there. With the “Ohmigod the casting for the movie blows” followed nearly immediately by the “Robert Pattinson bite me please*” and the deranged “Meyer didn’t draw her characters so I can do what I want with them, including selling a novel-length sequel for profit” they’ve proven to have a pack of fools in the fandom with a major entitlement complex. Writing a novel-length fan fic from the point of view of a minor character: been done before, I see nothing wrong with it. Trying to sell it- not in a “You want a hard copy and I need help with printing distribution costs” form of sales, but with an eye to making a profit? Lady Sybilla, that’s a crazy douchey move.

(Most of my info on these types comes from Fandom_Wank on JournalFen and the linkspams of Cleolinda on LiveJournal.)

*I think it’s pretty douchey to make the lead actor feel like he’s hearing the sound of the gates of hell, don’t you?

10

Well, if the OP is any guide, I think Joss-heads, unlike (apparently) Supernatural fans, would be happy to cleanse Joss’ vagina…

No, wait…did that come out right?

:wink:

11

Small Hen said:

Hmmm, calling them out for mysogyny? The irony hurts.

12

Fair enough. That was what I was getting at, actually. In which case I have two calibration points:

Firstly, my beloved furry fandom, which is a complete schizophrenic mess that is alternately irrationally inclusive and frighteningly cannibalistic. Key indicators to outsiders: demands to be taken seriously with an outrage usually reserved for sit-ins, an ability to continue caring about episodes of television programs (“Entourage”, “CSI”) so long after everyone else has forgotten that it borders on a superpower and attempting to gain legitimacy by tying the modern fandom back to ancient mythology although to the best of my knowledge Anubis never asked “hey, what if everyone in Star Wars was a talking dog?”. Key indicators to insiders: squabbling and sectarian politicking that make North Ireland look like North Dakota, driving the creative class out of the fandom by being complete dicks, and being completely unwilling and largely unable to divorce itself from its crazy aspects, which despite being marginal are what everyone naturally picks up on.

This would’ve been more fun five years ago, when furry fandom had a persecution complex normally associated with genocide victims, except sometime when I wasn’t looking we grew a sense of humour about the fandom and there’s a healthy current of internal criticism now.

Total rating: 15 kVFU, which wags will no doubt imminently suggest is enough to cleanse all the actual vaginas in the furry fandom about five thousand times.

Secondly, “Star Trek” fandom, which forms a completely different group than “people who kind of like “Star Trek””, because many of the latter group are sane. Key indicators to outsiders: the sheer volume of Mary Sue fanfics and the seriousness their authors accord them, the “trekkie”/“trekker” kerfluffle, and consistently reminding everyone about the impact “Star Trek” has had on popular culture and technology as though without it we would be living in the dark ages without cell phones. Key indicators to insiders: the reaction you get when you tell someone you really liked “Star Trek: Voyager” and battles over “continuity” that would make Robert E. Lee blush (and the corresponding inability to appreciate things that don’t fit into this) while making the entire fandom look like colossal nerds. Uh, which we probably are.

This is substantially more fun than it would’ve been five years ago, because the new “Star Trek” movie is getting good reviews and we are now going to see if it is possible for people to gnash their teeth all the way through their skull. In certain corners I predict this to be far more problematic than the mere existence of “Enterprise” was, which is why I say:

Total rating: 25 kVFU, which will be retconned in the next version of this rating (where 10 VFU becomes infinite flushing ability) to VFU Factor 4.8

13

Hey, I love the vagina I cleanse.

14

Well played, sir!

15

Perfect.

16

Dude. There is NO WAY the MST3k fandom is crazier than the Supernatural fandom. I love Supernatural, but the fandom? (Here I segregate them from us normal people who just enjoy the show and aren’t crazy.) TOTALLY BATSHIT. I’m pretty sure no one ever attacked Joel or Mike while wearing a wedding dress, or (this is my favorite) decided one of them was functionally illiterate and tried to raise awareness of the problem so they could learn how to read. Or try to send them slashfic because of COURSE they’d want to read it. (Except poor Jensen can’t because of the illiteracy issue, of course.)

For reals, people. Just writing this out is making me feel squicky.

This is the stuff you learn when you have insomnia and follow a link to Fandom Wank. I may never feel clean again

ETA: Also based on my late night Fandom Wank readings, I think the Harry Potter and Twilight fandoms are tied for tops in the crazy, though.

17

Oh, the Supernatural fandom is truly BATSHIT. But the overall snobbiness and masturbatory air of superiority of MSTies really pisses me off.

…What’s this about wedding dresses and illiteracy? Does that have anything to do with the girl who jumped on Jensen’s back in a stairwell? You know what, SPN fans ARE douches. 2,000 extra VFU, for a total of 18,000.

18

Oh god, I don’t know. The descriptions alone squicked me out too much to watch the accompanying YouTube videos.

I can’t wait to read Misha Collins’ report on the SPN fandom. I’m pretty sure he’s taking careful notes. He obviously thinks it’s hysterical and seeing what completely inflammatory thing he does next at a con is the only thing that keeps me coming back to observe the fandom. (Best moment evah: he snuck into a con panel with Ackles and Padalecki, put on a phony accent and asked them if it’s hard for them to play brothers when they’re lovers IRL. Fandom goes apeshit.) I lurve him.

19

The only fandom I’m peripherally involved with is Due South, which has a very low VFU on the FDS.

Douche issues:

Polite police. The show’s about a very polite, pleasant man, so we fans ought always be polite and pleasant to each other. If it kills us. (What’s that? The main character is also somewhat passive-aggressive and manipulative? Well there’s a giant coincidence, because the Polite police… yeah.)

The Ray Wars: Assuming you think the central character should be sleeping with ANY rough-diamond Chicago policeman, which one should it be? This is old drama, and Fandom Wank dismisses it as being solved easily with the application of “sensible Canadian threesomes.”

But overall the fandom is full of sweet, genuinely decent, generous people. I can’t give it a VFU of >3000, in its current Ray-truce state.

I like watching the high-VFU fandoms, like Twilight and Harry Potter from the outside, but my spleen would probably explode if I actually engaged with them. I foresee a lazy day in the near future spent reading up all about the Supernatural wank.

20

Misha’s writing about us? I know he was fucking terrified when he came on board (There’s this great youtube vid from just after his second episode where someone asked, “Has the fandom scared you off yet?” and he laughs and says, no, I appreciate the fans…wait…what do you mean have they scared me off? Should they have?" A few weeks later, he has a new interview, and the interviewer asks about the fans. Apparently Misha shakes his head and says in a frightened, unbelieving voice, “The things they say!”)

I loved the Ausie con thing. His accent was terrible!