What should I do if my student has a crush on me?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I teach English conversation in Japan, and one of my students is an adolescent boy I’ll call “Yoshi”.

Yoshi has been studying English for several years, but was considered something of a problem student due to his reluctance to speak. He wasn’t shy so much as sullen. Yoshi has private lessons so there are no other students in his class with him. His weak spots are speaking and reading, so his classes consist mostly of conversation and oral reading. The teacher I replaced told me that he was almost never willing to say anything on his own, and that she had to constantly ask him questions to force him to speak. His usual response was “So-so”, which summed up his feelings on most subjects.

This behavior continued for several weeks after I became his teacher, but I did my best to be friendly and find out what he was interested in and gradually Yoshi began to be more chatty. I still have to introduce new conversational topics, but he talks much more and remembers the things I say to him – I know, because he brings it up later, mostly to make fun of me. He teases me constantly about my height, love of peanut butter, and inability to read kanji.

The other teachers at my school have only one explanation for this amazing transformation…“He’s in love with you!”

Of course, I would prefer to believe that I’m simply a great teacher. Besides, Yoshi is a little boy. He’s only 14!

Wait a minute. 14?

It’s been nearly a decade since I was 14, but I am pretty sure I remember what 14-year-old boys thought about all the time.

But Yoshi’s never alluded to any interest in girls at all. He’s a slightly geeky type who plays chess and doesn’t seem to really like anything except The Lord of the Rings (the books, not the movies, which he has pronounced merely “so-so”).

Wait a minute. In my college days, I was affectionately known as “The Queen of the Geeks”. I was president of the freakin’ Science-Fiction and Fantasy Club! I’m emitting a constant stream of geek pheremones!

Damn. Maybe the kid does have a crush on me.

I’m sure this is a common enough situation for people who teach teenagers, and I know there are plenty of Doper teachers out there. So, what do you do in such a situation? I mean, obviously if he tried to put the move on me I’d put an end to that right quick, but I don’t think that’s likely. I’m more concerned about making sure that I neither hurt the poor boy’s feelings nor encourage him to think of me in a non-academic way.

2

I hope you don’t mind answers from non-teachers too.

I would suggest you don’t change a thing. What you are doing is working. Even if he does have a crush on you he knows that it isn’t going to go anywhere. And, he is learning! Good job.

3

No advice, but awwwwwwwwwww. How cute!

4

Not quite clear about your question. Do you mean what do you do with him after you have sex with him? :wink:

5

“Dear Penthouse Forum: I’m only 14 years old and I never thought I’d be writing to you, But…” :stuck_out_tongue:

6

You keep him “after class” for some “special tutoring.” :wink:

Signed,

A Former 14 Year Old Boy :smiley:

7

Different perspective here…

Fourteen is past the age of “cute,” in crush terms, particularly if you haven’t yet achieved a motherly sort of look (only half-joking). I’ve not had this issue with teenagers, myself, but with a couple of young foreign grad students who would be considered somewhat emotionally immature by US standards for their ages (early 20s acting more like 16-year-olds). It’s very uncomfortable to have students behaving like love-sick puppies for all to see, and you might have the added worry of the student spinning tales to impress his friends. And there is the very real concern that your colleagues might think you are behaving inappropriately with those students when you’re not in public view.

My suggestion… keep talking to him about sci-fi or whatever it is that grabs his interest, because that’s clearly a good thing. But when you do, be careful not to talk about it as fellow enthusiast - always be sure to maintain that detached air of an elder person knowing more. Emphasize your age differences when possible. Be careful how much personal information you share about yourself in an effort to get him to talk, so that you don’t come across as being more friend than teacher. You give him private lessons - is there any way you can do this in a setting where someone can see you (e.g., a study room with large windows)? I’m not familiar with Japanese society, but I have a feeling that the kind of chattiness that US teachers feel comfortable engaging their students in is not at all the norm - hence you come across as someone with a potentially more intimate interest.

Sadly, I think your friendliness will have to get toned down some if you want to avoid a problem.

8

I would test your unlikely “crush” theory by wearing no underwear for a few weeks and checking the effects on your pupil.

Former student of young teachers.

9

I’ve also been in the situation you describe (also in Japan, and more than once, though never with someone quite that young, and with girls/women rather than boys). As long as he doesn’t start asking you your bra size or otherwise cross the line in your classroom sessions, I think the thing to do is … nothing. You obviously don’t want to egg him on with, say, mock flirtatious behavior, but otherwise just keep doing what you’re doing. Let him have his crush. If it’s getting him to come out of his shell and learn some English, it’s probably doing him more good than harm!

However, you might mention the situation to the management at your school. Not just to get their advice, but also to cover your ass. Yoshi’s parents are paying a lot for those private lessons and are thus good customers for the school. And at your average slimy English conversation school in Japan, paying customers mean a lot more than teachers. If Yoshi should for whatever reason misrepresent the situation to his parents, they might make an angry call to the school, which could result in your getting blamed for something you didn’t do. Probably wouldn’t happen, but it wouldn’t hurt to take preemptive action just in case.

By the way, Lamia, if you haven’t seen the movie Kazoku Game (Family Game), make sure to go to your local video store someday and get it. It’ll give you some food for thought on intimacy in student-teacher (actually tutor) relations, from a Japanese perspective.

10

I would say that you should just do what you do. A crush is a crush, not an attempt to court you. So just be yourself and he’ll outgrow it sooner or later—in six or seven decades he’ll barely even remember you.

Though as a former 14 year-old boy, I must say that jumping his bones would be the best thing that could possibly happen to him. Probably not a good career move for you, however…

11

Young Teacher

The Subject

Of Schoolboy Fantasy…

:cool:

12

*Keep it strictly professional. After all, you only have other people’s speculation that he has a crush on you.

You are helping him with his English, where others failed. That is excellent.

Don’t embarrass the kid. Let him “love you from afar” if that’s the case, and just be the best teacher you can. He will remember you fondly as that Hot Teacher who Helped Him Learn English, and you can keep your career intact.

*Non-teacher advice

13

Advice from a non-teacher, but someone who lives with/hangs around teachers.

Did the other teachers come to the conclusion that Yoshi has a crush on you based entirely on your success in getting him to come out of his shell? If so, then just continue as you are doing now. Make sure you keep a cap on any possible rumors, though. Sometimes that’s all it takes to cause a whole lot of trouble.

If, on the other hand, the others were tipped off by something Yoshi said or did, or by any evidence more substantial than the fact you’ve lured him out of his shell, then make sure you CYA very carefully. Make sure that you’re never in a situation where the two of you are together without somebody else in immediate earshot, and never be together behind a closed door, even for a moment. As others have said, make sure you retain an air of professional detachment rather than trying to be Yoshi’s “buddy”.

14

Take the class out for karaoke, and ask if anybody knows Van Halen’s “Hot for Teacher.” :wink:

15

Speaking as an ELT teacher, this OP gives me lots of creeps.

Of course I teach in an all-male military school. It would be worse for me, much worse.

16

Okay, please, no more jokes about sleeping with the kid!

What makes me a little troubled about my situation is that, due to building design, Yoshi and I are pretty isolated during our lessons. The office and reception areas are not nearby. However, there is often another class in session at the other end of the hall. It also seems to me that the Japanese are less paranoid about potential abuse than Americans are, probably due to fewer cases of such in the past – or at least fewer publicized cases. So I don’t think a mere rumor would land me in court or cost me my job, although I certainly don’t want to encourage rumors either.

After reading all the posts here and pondering the situation, I have decided that my best plan is probably to start structuring my lessons more strictly. Things have been pretty free-form in his class since long before I started work, but this was because no one could get Yoshi to talk much. His previous teacher’s advice to me was to ask questions, tell jokes, play games, and bribe him with the opportunity to read fantasy novels in English to make him pay attention and speak up. Now that he’s more willing to participate in class, maybe I can get him to do some more serious work.

17

Lamia, you may be making too big of a deal over this.

You are not the first or last teacher to be the object of a crush, and as long as Yoshi has done nothing inappropriate, like leaving you love notes or trying to contact you after school, I wouldn’t sweat it. If he does, then we’ll have something to worry about it. Until and if that ever happens, continue to be a good teacher and keep things professional.

18

Sounds like you could make learning English even more fun for Yoshi if you’re willing to take off an article of clothing each time he gets the right answer :wink: You could even make it so that the last question is something he’d likely never be able to get correctly, just to put up a safe wall of sorts :slight_smile:

Yeah I got this idea from Billy Madison, sue me!! heh

19

Yeah, raizok. That’s exactly what I meant when I said “keep it professonal.”

:rolleyes:

20

I thought so :smiley: