I'm an idiot (a stupid crush)

OK, last year I was in my senior year of high school, and there was this teacher. She was my English teacher, only about 10 years my senior, and my GOD is she stunning. By the end of the first half of the year (my school classes were divided by semester, so I only had her 1st) I had fallen hard.

I’m so super shy and I usually find it impossible to talk to girls I like, so maybe it was the fact that she was my teacher that I was able to talk with her so easily. And she seemed to enjoy talking to me too. And she’s so beautiful and has an amazing personality AND she actually talked to me! Easy to see why I developed feelings for her. Whether or not she ever caught on or not I don’t know, but I don’t think she knows.

Well…we keep in touch on occasion through e-mail, just the sort of “hey, how’s it going” kind of stuff, and when I’m on break from college I stop in on occasion to see my teachers (when really she’s the only one I hope to run into).

I know the way I feel is stupid. I KNOW it’s stupid. I’m so used to thinking logically about things, and then she comes along, and there is no logic as to why I feel the way I do. She’s my teacher, she’s 10 years older than me and I know nothing could ever happen, so why do I keep tormenting myself!?

So anyway, although I don’t think she is involved with anyone, she does have a son with this guy whom I believe she is no longer with. Today there was a faculty football game and after the game I saw her and was about to go up and say “hi” when I saw her there with her son and his father. Needless to say I didn’t go over, and I felt this really overwhelming crushing sensation in my chest. I finally realized just how pathetic and stupid my crush is and that I need to get over it.

But I have a question. I think that the only way I might be able to get over this is to tell her, through an e-mail. Granted, I’d be running the risk of her never being comfortable talking to me again, but I don’t know what else to do. I suppose I could go on and keep talking to her and running into her and such, but I have no guarentee that my mind won’t start getting carried away with itself. What should I do?:frowning:

How about staying away from her…That may sound harsh, but its about the only way. Quit trying to run into her. She obviously has a life of her own. And, do you really want to be involved your first year out of highschool with a woman with a child? That’s a lot responsibility for someone your age, and I don’t think you could possibly be ready for it.

I already said that I know I don’t have a chance. Which is why I know this crush is stupid. Like I’d have a shot with at 29 year old experienced woman? Yeah right.:frowning:

And I really really don’t want to just cut contact with her. I really like talking to her and she seems to like seeing and talking to me too and I’d really like to keep her as a friend.

While, I can understand that, your emotions may not. Sometimes you just can’t turn off certian feelings. But, you are the only one that can decide what to do, I just hate to see you torture yourself .

[slight hijack]
I’ve read a lot of your past posts, and you seem very much to lack confidence in yourself. You seem like you could be a pretty cool guy if you could get over that. I wish there was something I could say that would help you with that. :frowning:
[/slight hijack]

It is not that unusual for students to have crushes on teachers, so I bet she wouldn’t freak out as long as you reveal it in a light-hearted past tense way. Like, “gosh, back in high school I had such a crush on you!”. Then the way she reacts may help you have closure.
Just an idea. I agree that you seem to have low self esteem, but I’ve read your other posts and you seem like a great guy. :slight_smile:

What do you expect to accomplish by sending her an email expressing your unrequeited love? Are you secretly hoping that she’ll respond positively?

IMO, you should simply use the avoidance tactic until this crush has run it’s course. And it will. If you still have a thing for her after you’ve graduated from college and can support yourself, then I say go for it but until then, keep your crush to yourself.

How is telling her going to help you get over her?

Don’t worry about it. Your crush is doing no-one any harm and so long as you spend more time airily dreaming than you do feeling crushed it’s even a positive for you. Rest assured that life often throws up circumstances to tease us: married co-workers that you wish were single, friends wives, hell I even remember a friend had a Swedish exchange student who was embarassing for all his mates (we wanted to stare but we’re middle aged men). You just deal with it and act sensibly.

Just keep going as you are. It’s kind of cool that she hasn’t just given you the brushoff anyway, you must be doing something right. If you feel compelled to open your trap I’d try what ** lavenderviolet** suggests - make a little joke about it , be brief and then shut up.

No reason to tell her. It’ll only make things more complicated and awkward. Just give it time; you’ll get over it sooner than you think. Trust me.

You seemed to understand that part of your problem may lie in being too shy to talk to girls… it’s not surprising that you’d over-react when an attractive woman pays attention to you.

The best solution is, naturally, the painful one: go talk to some girls. Your teacher will seem a lot less important when you have an actual date with some other (more accessible and appropriate) woman.

Granted, there is no easy way to overcome your shyness… you have to just go out and DO it. This is clearly something you need to work on, anyway, and your fixation with your teacher is merely delaying you.

The first thing I just have to say is that you shouldn’t assume that your feelings, when apparently not reciprocated, are stupid. They’re not. They’re just how you feel, part of what and who you are. You may choose to hide them or reveal them - but they’re in no way stupid.

To concur with several other people’s suggestions - I’m not sure that emailing her would help you. If said email results in an awkwardness coming into your relationship with this woman you’ll probably end up wishing you had never told her how you felt.

The suggestion at the bottom of Ruby’s message is probably the way I’d go about it. Lavenderviolet’s would also be appropriate, I think.

Whatever you do, don’t let this crush take over your life, or let it make you do something you’ll kick yourself for in years to come.

Vlad Dracul suggests getting over your shyness by going and talking to some other girls. That won’t be easy, granted (and he did use the world painful), but I’d have to agree with that.

Thanks for the advice guys. I think I’m just gonna carry on as usual and keep my feelings to myself, rather than tell her. If I get over it, then maybe some day I can bring it up in a passive way like lavenderviolet suggested.

Well, shit, you’re probably getting better advice above than you’re going to get from me. But I understand your intense wish to tell her about this feeling. I get the same intense wish.

I’ll bet she finds it charming and maybe flattering, though she likely will not want to reciprocate romantically. So where does that leave you? maybe not much different a place than you’re in now. But you will have told her, instead of just wishing.

Doesn’t seem to me to be much harm telling her. Instead, I find I’m wondering what would happen. And I like the idea of writing her. She wouldn’t be an English teacher if she didn’t think writing could convey feeling nicely.

Like I say, this is probably the worst advice you’re going to get. Oh, and I had a crush on my high school English teacher, too, and never told her.

Alright, a few of you have replied saying as how I shouldn’t expect her to reciprocate the feelings I have should I decide to tell her. To you I reiterate something I thought I made clear: I KNOW that I stand no chance with this woman. No chance in Hell whatsoever. I know this and by no means do I think she feels the same way about me.

So if you’re so positive that she has no feelings for you then what’s the harm in telling her about your crush? The only person that stands to get hurt is you. If you’re determined to beat this crush then telling her is a step you need to take to start the process for yourself. Not telling her is a stall tactic where your feelings may simply grow for her instead of subsiding.

I for one am all about telling people things like this in person, but if email works for you then go for it. I would state the simple facts (email or face-to-face): “I’ve had a crush on you since my senior year and I need time to get over it. Please understand that I need to break contact with you until this has run it’s course.”

If she has no feelings for you other than as an acquaintance then she should understand and might even help you “avoid” her in the future.

Then go find your friends and schedule some activities to take up your time; get shitfaced, go to movies, ballgames, whatever you enjoy that will temporarily let you forget your feelings for her. Time will take care of the rest. Good luck to you.

I agree with all the others who’ve discouraged you from telling her. I can’t imagine how it will help you get over your feelings for her, and it will probably change your relationship, even if only subtly. If there was some good that would likely come from your admitting your feelings, then I’d say go for it. As it is, I don’t see how it can help your friendship. It’s a very rare person who can take that kind of information and not have it affect how she relates to you. If you do eventually decide to tell her, think very carefully about what you’re hoping to accomplish with your confession? If you’re telling her to make yourself feel better, are you prepared for the possibility that one or both of you might feel so awkward, afterwords, that you don’t feel comfortable with each other any more?

That said, I know how you feel. I have a very close guy friend who I’ve had a crush on for years. We have a special bond that I’ve never felt with another person. However, we’re both married to other people. As much as I’d like to tell him how I feel, there is no good that could possibly come from that. So I enjoy our friendship as it is, and keep my feelings to myself.

Pal, keep it to yourself, that’s the most dignified way of proceeding. Pretend your feelings are a tangible thing, then pretend you’re driving over them with a tank. Repeatedly. I do this with embarrassing or unpleasant memories, except that I pretend that the memories are a person, who I am repeatedly stabbing. At the very least, I stop dwelling over what I don’t want to think about.

Eh, here’s how I see it:
it’s better to not tell her and “enjoy” the crush while it lasts (sounds strange, maybe, but how would you feel if she did reject you? I mean a crush has got to feel better than rejectoin)

And I wouldn’t beat yourself up over the crush, you’re human and she would talk to you, I can sorta empathize with that situation…

It’s always best to keep these things to yourself.
Truth is if there was a chance you’d have known by now. Sometimes the illusions we have about the other person are better than the stark reality. The age difference and the place you are both in in your lives are two dissperate for anything to work out in any way.

Enjoy the crush, keep it to yourself, write your moody poetry and listen to those special songs that make you think of her. Keep it to yourself and in a few years when you are older you will look back at these things and thank your lucky stars you kept them to yourself.

Growing up is hard and when you feel unsure of yourself it becomes harder. Just let what comes come and eventually when you find yourself and are comfortable with who you are you will find that which makes you happy.