It's not just any crush...

It’s been three years! I am a junior in high school now and ever since eight grade I have been wanting Ben! It seems kinda pathetic but he nearly always has a girlfriend and I am way too shy to do anything when he doesn’t have a girlfriend. We are friends and talk and stuff but when I look into his eyes I have to try my hardest not to melt. <sigh> So, anyone else with sad stories?

Wow, do your hands get all sweaty too? And you find yourself saying really stupid stuff just so they will smile or laugh? And you go hang out in places just on the chance they might show up there?

Nah, never happened to me. Mine actually was a crush and I got over it eventually.

I finally got a chance to feel up my high school crush this last week.

The words since then have been “plausible deniability.”


If i started my story now, I’d be done around March 2003.
Happens to me all teh time. Twice weekly I think.



That’s tough, especially in high school. I had one. It never got anywhere to speak of. One of the hardest things I’ve had to realize in life is that other people aren’t necessarily having the same experience you are.

I know it’s kind of high school, or even junior high, but if you want to explore your possibilities, you could make sure he found out you were interested. Then at least it will pointedly cross his mind. If he doesn’t do anything, I guess you have your answer. But please don’t spend the next year pining for him. I’ve done it, and it doesn’t help. Life just becomes one big suck because you’re not getting what you’re obsessing about every day.

The other advantage of this method is that he doesn’t have to make some sort of snap decision, like if you just brought it up yourself. He can think about it.

Anyway, you can let us know what happens.


I was in a similar situation when I was your age. I had a crush on this one girl, starting in 5th grade all the way through HS, and as far as I could tell, she never really had a boy friend. She was beautiful, charming, intelligent, friendly, and always very nice. I never told her I was interested in her and as a result, never found out if she was ever interested in me. It is one of the few things I look back on in my life and wish I could change. I look back now and say, “I should have asked her out.”

What I’m saying is ask the guy out. The absolute worst that could happen is that he will say “No”. At least you will know and you will have tried. I never tried and I will never know.

So go for it, girl!

Hmm, nice theory Dragwyr, but just don’t do what I did, Rockstar. I had a major crush on a guy for about 4 years through high school. I first asked him out when I started at the school, he said no, I was heart-broken, but hey, you get over it and move on. Not I. I still had a crush on him all the way up to last year when I asked him out again…guess what happened? He said NO. Guh. I should be angry, but he was sooo cute. sighs
I’m going to go eat alot of chocolate and listen to depressing music now. Byes.

I think you should ask him out, rockstar, if you have the chance. You won’t know how he really feels about you until you do (men are like that with their emotions).

I admit I don’t have a great record in relationships (until my current one), but I do have a terrible crush story which illustrates the point. I was so, so madly in love with a German foreign exchange student named Eva during my senior year of high school. Since I’d never been in a relationship before and I was painfully shy I assumed that she would never go out with me, and the fact that two of my friends asked her out and were turned down flat suggested to me that she wasn’t looking for a date. However, I spent about a month and a half talking to her and being friendly to her. During that period I thought, well, it’s possible that she might be interested…and finally at one point I decided that even if she turned me down, since we were friendly the rejection wouldn’t be too bad. I finally summoned up the courage one morning to ask her out–she wasn’t in class that day. I asked a friend who knew her if she was ill.

Actually, what had happened was that she had had a row with the “parents” she was staying with. She was transferred elsewhere in the state and never returned.

Postscript. Later that year I talked to a mutual friend, who knew Eva probably better than anyone else in my school. We were talking about her, and she said, “Did you know, she talked about you all the time. She wondered why you hadn’t asked her out!”

Sorry if that’s glurge-inducing, but the moral is that you don’t know when you’re going to get a last opportunity. The next opportunity might be the last.

Drop him. Guys that age (and I should know – I was one – just not recently :)) don’t think very clearly when women are involved. Right now, he probably thinks of you as just a “cute kid”.

You don’t need that. You need someone who thinks you’re something special. The problem is that even if someone is out there who thinks you’re pretty special, you aren’t looking for him. You only have eyes for the guy you’re mooning over.

Stop making orphaned calf eyes at this guy and let some poor slob who knows you’re alive have a chance. It will be good for your ego and his.


P.S.: If that sounded harsh, I’m sorry, but too many people are dying for a chance at love but are wasting their time trying to get it from where it ain’t. Go have some fun for yourself.

I had a HUGE crush on our Swedish foreign exchange student when I was a freshman (he was a senior). I used to make sure that I passed him in the hall and said “hi” after every class no matter how far it was out of my way. I had a friend of mine ask him if he’d go out with me and he told her that he didn’t want to start any relationships while he was here because he’d be going back to Sweden at the end of the year. I don’t know if that’s really what he said or not but that’s what my friend told me. I was crushed but I got over it. I still think about him every now and then. I wish I could track him down and find out what he’s doing now.

You could ask him out and see if he says yes. I personally wouldn’t do that though. I’ve always been a firm believer that the man should be the one to pursue the woman. I’m not saying I haven’t asked guys out before… I’m a pretty aggressive person so that hasn’t been a big deal for me. But, my best relationships were the ones where the guy made the advances at me and not the other way around. But what the hell… ask him out and let us know what he says.

I am pretty damn close to “that age” and I can guarantee you that there are a good number of men/boys that age who do think quite clearly when women are involved.

I had crushes on several girls/women from grade school to . . . hell, now. With one, I got so obsessed I started writing a story about the two of us together: VERY mild stuff, but it freaked her out something fierce . . . which I guess isn’t very good evidence that I thought clearly around her, but I do now.

You know, I have to agree with Baloo. I’m not that far out from being in high school, so I remember how devastating it can be when your crush just thinks how great of a friend you are.

Don’t stop being his friend. Just find someone else who can see you as the gorgeous, desirable girl that he’d love to take on a date. It will do wonders for your ego.

Thanks everyone. I’m still not sure what I’m going to do but if anything happens I’ll be sure to tell the dopers.

Baloo: What makes you think he thinks of her as a “cute kid”? From what she said, I’d assume they’re the same age.

rockstar: If you can muster up the courage (easier said than done), say something to him. If you do, you’ll be better off, no matter the outcome. If he’s interested, great. If not, you can start getting over him. I’ve found that it’s easier to get over someone when you realize that the possibility of being with them in a romantic way is zero. When that possibility is still there (by not saying anything and letting it go on for years), it’s so much easier to keep the feelings for them alive. As soon as you realize there’s no way it can happen, it no longer feels good to think about that person in that way, and you can start getting over them. At least that’s my experience.

Rockstar: I agree with Dave. Speaking from the point of view of a HS Senior male, I think your best course of action would to jsut kinda get the word out. Don’t let the whole school know, but tell him that you like him, or use your vast network of gossiping friends (you’re a HS girl, I know you have them) to get the message out to him. That way, if he likes you, he can pursue you hisself, and if he doesn’t, then at least you know the answer.

Baloo: I totally disgree. For all we know, he could be a great guy. Also, a couple at my church were HS sweethearts, and ended up getting married. And one of my best friends’ father was the first boyfriend her mother ever had, and the ended up getting married. Though many HS relatinoships are jokes, some are not, so don’t just drop the guy, at least pursue some, until you get an answer. Either way, yes or no, you’ll be better off then saying, “I shoulda asked him out 5 years ago in HS.”