The word for today, people, is:
DEFENESTRATION, n. (Verb form, defenestrate.) The act of throwing something (or someone) out of a window. Preferably a high one.
The word for today, people, is:
DEFENESTRATION, n. (Verb form, defenestrate.) The act of throwing something (or someone) out of a window. Preferably a high one.
Great Idea! Also, 2 drops of Superglue and it can be a permanent fixture on his desk.
“1001 uses…and now, 1002.”
Check out Godzilla vs. Tamagotchi
Set the tam’s clock 12 hours ahead. This way it will sleep during business hours (when you have to deal with it). But at 2 am…
Tamagochi: Another Geneva Convention Violation courtesy of the Island of the Rising Sun.
He has a Tamagotchi in 2002? What’s next, a Teddy Ruxpin?
2003, even!
I remember those little bastards. Glad I never had to deal with them up close much… a sad marriage of the pet rock and fading attention spans…
You could “accidently” pour a large beaker of liquid nitrogen on it. That should cool things off a bit. Or, if you really hate it and want to be old fashioned, hijack a nuclear weapon and nuke it. Just make sure you’re about 1,000 miles away before you detonate it.
Crap it all to hell, I was gonna reply to this last night but the hamsters died…
So here it is, my final solution:
Hmm, quite frankly, nothing you’ve said about the roommate actually precludes use of the hammer.
Except that he’d get upset. But hey, it’s not like he cares too much that YOU’RE getting upset. And I think that one moment of joy would be worth it don’t you?
And between you, me and the fly on the wall - once that tamagotchi’s silicon brain has been flatted with your hammer, it’s not like it’ll be able to describe you to a police sketch artist, now is it? Nobody would be able to prove it was you, not in any court of law. Especially if you wipe your prints off the hammer.
But hey, if hammering it into oblivion isn’t your style, why not go for the tried and true flushing it down the toilet? If it’d make you feel better, throw it in the toilet and have a dump on it while it’s squeaking its last moments away.
Perhaps you could remove its battery, then tie a little noose around it and hang it off the ceiling. You could claim it committed suicide.
If that doesn’t take your fancy, may I recommend the pyromaniac’s approach? A match and some zippo lighter fluid. A little dab’ll do ya.
Still not convinced? Hide it in the ceiling tiles. Ideally it should be positioned such that it is directly above him, but sufficiently far away from you that you can’t hear it. He’ll go bezerk trying to find whatever is causing that damn beeping.
I could go on like this for a while… frankly, I think the hammer method would be most gratifying. The dump-n-flush method would be equally satisfying and would serve to add insult to injury.
Heh … I hate those fuckin’ things!
Max
Fire is cleansing and useful for getting rid of life’s little annoyances. I suggest lighting office roomie’s desk alight just to make sure you got rid of all the annoying beeping devices.
You people are so cruel! Obviously the poor thing is neglected and lonely, and needs a friend to talk with. Might I suggest a Furby?
I had a Tamagotchi back when. After it died my roomates and I tried to see how quickly you can kill one - I forget the record. All you need to do is feed him a lot, give him lot of injections, and discipline him. Never clean up his turds (not up to you I know).
Failing that flush it.
Get a number of boxes, each smaller than the last.
Create fiendishly hard clues to the locations of the various keys to the padlocks on the boxes. If the box-in-box-in-etc doesn’t dampen the sound sufficiently, you can always pad between the boxes. The clues should be sufficiantly hard (preferebly in his chosen area of study for extra meanness, ask the professors) that by the time he gets to the center of the tootsie-pop, mr tamagotchi should be dead. You can then proceed to rub it in that it was his stupidity that killed his pet. “Ahh, if you had been just a little smarter, he might still be alive today…”.
Compose ransom note demanding $1,000,000 or the Tamagotchi dies.
Steal tamagotchi when convenient, leaving note behind.
Feign innocence when questioned.
But mr. kusogochi is already dead! That’s the thing. If it had been a regular tamagochi, it would have been merely grating. This thing is a defective undead tamagochi. Madness inducing, I tell ya.
That being said, something interesting happened to me this morning.
I was trying to get some [sub]ahem[/sub] work done and the crap nugget was going at it.
Much inspired and enboldened by your thoughtful recomendations, I decided to do something about the monster.
I got bubble wrap, duct tape, a jar, vegetable oil, a condom and acrylic. The plan, you see, was to wrap the bug in the bubble wrap and further wrap the bubble wrap with duct tape as suggested. I was then going to put that ball in the condom and seal it in a jarfull of vegetable oil. I was then going to cast the jar in crystal clear acrylic and kill two birds with one stone and pass the result for a work of art.
I got to work, generously suffocating the tamagochi in bubble wrap. It was squeeling like a piglet on helium. Which is probably why I didn’t hear that someone was fiddling with the keypad on my room’s door.
It was an embarassing moment, might I say, as my co-roomie walked in to find me about to fit a condom on a ball of duct tape. There were a few awkward seconds that lasted about three hours. He looked at me, my ball-o duct tape, the condom, the jar… (Now that I think about it, the various popups on my computer screen probably didn’t help either…)
I really wished I said something so I could at least try to come up with some half-baked explanation. But he didn’t. He just left.
This being Japan and all, gossip spread like bush fire on a dry day. People I don’t know have started to give me strange glances. I had a date planned this thursday with this fantastic girl. She called it off.
Life sucks.
Dammit!!!
I really wished he had said something so at least I could have tried…
Sorry.
Bad day.
Boy, talk about being a day late and a dollar short! :o I think that incessant beeping must be getting to me.
I always thought that “Tamagochi” was Japanese for “Fungo.” Take the Tamagochi outside. Start by holding the Tamagochi in one hand, and a baseball bat in the other. Toss the Tamagochi straight up into the air. As it comes back to earth, whack it with the baseball bat, making sure to keep the trademark side up. Repeat as needed.