Aerin makes sure we will frequently launder all bags by peeing on them. She also comes in to let us know it’s 2 a.m., 3 a.m., and 4 a.m. Othwise we might forget that time passes.
Bailey constantly monitors the floor and couches for threatening motion.
Both of them provide helpful extra layers of fibre on our clothes, for insulation.
Morgan confirms her approval of my fashion decisions by cuddling with the clothes I’ve laid out on the bed each morning. No outfit is complete without a smattering of tortoiseshell fur.
She also very diligently saves us from the Lump Monsters that lurk under our covers by chasing them and then chewing them into submission. Unlike us dumb humans, she is not fooled by the fact that the Monsters try to take on the appearance of feet when they emerge from the covers.
Ariel ensures that every bite of food that enters our mouths has been tested to be tasty, edible and poison-free. It’s a tough job - sometimes we forget to let her test everything on the plate, but thanks to her lightning-fast reflexes, she’s still able to snatch the bite off our forks as they’re midway to our mouths.
Pudding snuffles the tears off of my cheeks when I cry. Not only does it save on my Kleenex bill, but it’s hard to keep crying when a kitty snuffles your cheeks.
Okay. Now I need to cuddle Pudding, and I can’t leave work for two more hours.
Tuna is the Official Bed-Making Approver™. No bed can be made without his personal inspection, which must be performed before the fitted sheet is tucked in. Don’t worry, he will inform you when the inspection is complete and the bed may be unmade so he can get down.
My cat teaches me the foolishness of attachment to material things by breaking plates and glasses on a regular basis.
That, or he’s trying to teach me to do the dishes more often instead of leaving them on the counter. 
My kittys have taught me the value of agility. Fast footwork has saved both my life and theirs on various occasions.
They’ve taught me that the quality of the water in my house depends entirely on whether it’s been dispensed into their bowl or my drinking glass.
They’ve taught me that warm laundry is for rolling in.
They’ve taken an interest in the health of my hair, and prevent breakage by hiding all my ponytail holders. On the rare occasion I can find one, it’s bound to be snatched and absconded with before I can actually get it into my hair.
They’ve taught me that it’s impossible to be sad with a kitty wrapped around your neck. Annoyed maybe, but not sad.
Penny has taught me to reduce my power consumption and improve my ecological footprint by chasing all the batteries under furniture. It turns out I’m just as happy holding a book in my hands while she sits on my lap between it and my eyes.
She also tirelessly helps keep the crawlspace under the house clean.
C’mon Jim,
Aren’t you a Lewinsky-Clinton award winner? That ought a be worth some human contact. 
D&R
Shan has made a significant contribution not only to my life, but to the entire world, by chasing and subduing the invisible demons that seek to entire our dimension through the portal in my hallway.
Also, he guards against a sudden gravity lapse by sitting on me when I’m on the couch.
Mara reminds me on a nightly basis about the importance of having a keen-ear for carpet scratching noises. And she is greatly helping my nighttime aim with spray bottles.
Every day, when I come home from work, Tybalt, the fuzzy black land shark, spends at least half an hour giving me a full update of the day’s activities: when he took his naps, when he went out to patrol the property, what he found, which other cats came to visit, when he took a break for a snack, what the weather was like, everything. He never leaves anything out; it’s a complete report, delivered at length. When he’s done, I know everything that happened at the house when I was away.
Or at least I would if he spoke English.
One night my cat, noticing that I was crimson-faced and choking on a cocktail sword, unhooked the phone receiver and attempted to dial for help. Due to some confusion on her part, I ended up with a self-performed tracheotomy and several dollars worth of charges for calls to directory assistance. Still, I appreciated the effort.
My cat knows it’s no good for me to sit at the computer for too long. He makes me get up and walk to his food bowl every half hour or so. Even if his food bowl has food in it he’ll make me walk over to it, which is how I know he’s doing it because he wants me to take a break from the computer.
To his credit, he did once catch a mouse. The mouse was about to escape into an unreachable part of the house when Thomas ran up to it, smacked it down with a paw, and picked it up with his mouth.
My cat Hunter keeps our household in line with The Approved Order of Things, by making sure our puppies do not get any inflated ideas about where they stand in the household pet hierarchy. To accomplish this she crouches faithfully at the doorway every time the puppies enter a room, then smacks them with her paw when they exit.
She also chased the puppy Ramses away when he cornered our other cat in a basket.
My cats have taught me that I need to change my home to a minimalist decor so I have less surfaces to clean and collect hair and less clutter, as long as I include plenty of cat perches and play areas. They help me accomplish my goal by destroying clutter with well-placed hairballs and the occasional urination* so I will be forced to throw the soiled items away.
*Paper or plastic in a box must be cat litter, right?
In regards to home decor they have also taught me that area rugs and keeping magazines on coffee tables is just silly by showing how easily the magazines will fall to the floor and the rugs will get all bunched up, usually within a few minutes of straightening them up.
They also keep my brain active since I must always plan ways to cat proof items to keep them safe from potential chewing, scratching or hairballs.
They keep the dog in line so I don’t need to deal with any dominance issues. She knows her place in this pack.
At least one of the cats always greets me at the door when I come home so I never feel unwanted.
Now THAT is funny! We at Jingle Networks strongly suggest that your cat learn how to dial 1-800-FREE411, in order to avoid those d.a. charges. We can’t help you with the tracheotomy, though.
By being little fuzzy alarm clocks.
5 AM - Cuervo licks my face for food.
5 PM - All cats begin milling about, running into each other and falling over at my feet to remind me it’s time for their can of food.
10 PM - By standing in the family room glaring at me to remind me it’s about bedtime.
Mine made sure I was properly dressed yesterday. Demurely covered in a coat of cream and brown fur from chest to knees. A thank you for 2 minutes of pre-work petting.
I swear - that cat (Siamese-tabby mix) should be bald for the amount of fur she loses each day.
When we lived in our apartment our cat had a habit of playing on the porch before we left for work. Well, one morning she’s sitting in the middle of the porch staring at the ceiling and meowing. One of us goes to grab her and take a look at what she’s so interested in.
We look up and both go ‘OMG that’s a HUGE spider!’ :eek: We quickly lock the sliding glass door, and of course I had to get a pic of the spider that was quite literally the size of my palm. We never really found out what type of spider it was, everyone keeps trying to tell us what it was but then we find out it doesn’t live here.
So yes our cat made at least 1 contribution to our life, it saved us from the huge OMG spider.
We keep asking her to put on some pants and go make us some money like the Sims cats do (well sans pants).
Little Guy 1986-2006.
My Pride, My Joy, My Budley Boy.
Kept me alive.
Because I couldn’t imagine leaving him to someone else to take care of.