Cat talk

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Sometimes, my pet people do amazing tricks. Almost everywhere they go in the house, the light gets brighter, and when they leave a room, it goes dim. That’s a pretty good trick, and I haven’t figured out how they do it yet.

But then sometimes they can be so friggin’ rude. There’s this one door that I’ve told them a million times to keep open, but they keep forgetting and still keep it closed for a while each night while they make noises inside. Last night, hearing those noises again, I pawed at it, wondering as usual what the hell was going on in there, and this time the door opened up.

So what did it turn out they’ve been doing all those times behind that door? Nothing but cleaning each other. Big friggin’ deal. I don’t inconvenience them when I clean. But it was a relief to know that they weren’t as filthy as I thought before. They almost never clean themselves, and I was beginning to wonder whether I was living with barbarians.

2

Hahahahahaha :slight_smile: :slight_smile:

? Aww. I’m sorry, Liberal :wink:

3

They sound delightful!

4

And where the heck do they get their food? I keep bringing them things I’ve caught, and the ungrateful bastards show no interest. One of these days I’m going to quit leaving dismembered crane flies in their shoes. One of these days.

5

Boy, you’re lucky yours show no interest. I brought mine the little yellow bird from my bedroom and they screamed at me! It took me all day to catch that sucker.

6

Mine stand in a little room and make it rain. On them. Apparently on purpose. Is that disgusting or what? Do yours do that? Why on earth would you do that? I think they might be some kind of perverts.

7

I think the OP has whooshed you all!.

Silly monkeys!

8

I have noticed that cats develop freindships just like people do. I have had many cats in my life and sometimes two seem to bond even when there are others around.

They will sit and play and clean each other and push others away.

It’s neat.

9

One of my humans will sit for HOURS staring at these flickering box things. It’s not like there’s ever anything interesting (me) flickering, either, unless one of them’s looking at a flickering cat who looks a hell of a lot like me. Handsome sucker if I ever saw one, and I do say so myself.

Sometimes my food dish gets less than half full. My brother and I can hardly be held accountable for that. We’re still growing, after all - hey, the girl wants to keep calling us kittens, we’ll keep eatin’ like kittens. I could do without the “KITTY!” shrieks, though.

I love how the old one bought me a bunch of colored stuff. She’ll put one in a mug and pretend to use it, but I know she’s only making sure it’s safe for me to add to my collection. My humans are so loyal to me. I put a few behind the couch, there are lots scattered in the kitchen, and of course near her bed when she leaves the mug there. She used to get me these other white things, but she must have thought they were too dangerous for me. Isn’t she thoughtful? The dog didn’t like when I carried one all the way from the couch to her chair.

Dogs. Can’t live with 'em, can’t mock 'em if they ain’t there.

I, of course, do not have a chair. I do not NEED a chair. I sleep wherever I want. Whenever I want. Unless that one annoying human comes in to look at me when I’m taking one of my 24 daily naps.

10

Does anyone have any tips on training your people? I am trying to get mine to give me my morning meal on the table, but she’s being difficult. I’ve tried refusing to eat, bringing the food onto the table and eating it and even just asking her in a loud voice. All to no avail. Advice would be helpful.

Well, off to continue working on my plan for world domination.

11

DAY 183
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 184
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair… must try this on their bed.

DAY 185
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was… Hmmm. Not working according to plan

12

why do cats flop over on their bakc when we approach them?

13

I don’t get my human. She thinks it’s ok to just pick me up and set me down somewhere else. Hey, I like sitting on the kitchen counter, who is she to try to put me on her bed?

And I don’t get peas often enough. I love peas, but I only get them when she feels like opening the damn can and giving me some.

And she insists on sleeping at two in the morning when I want to play and the other cat (the lardass) is worn out.

14

Our humans love to tease us. They always use the can opener and then start eating the food themselves. Share, will ya?

They also put this house with seeds in it outside. It attracts all the birds and squirrels to our front window. This is torture. They do not allow us to go outside and yet they have all these yummy treats climbing right in front of us!

They also bring out this very big, loud machine that removes our scents and carefully placed fur from all over the house. Do they not realize how much time we spend putting that fur there? What is this machine and how can we get it to stop?? Does anyone know?

And we must agree with the sleeping at 2am thing. What is that? We can’t understand how they can sleep at 2am!! It’s playtime for cryin’ out loud!!

15

Well, I’m lucky at least, MY human doesn’t usually go to bed until 2am. But she insists on running that funny thing over her bed that makes the air all cold-why? It messes up my fur!

Mine keeps the most fascinating toys on her table, too-her hairbrush (which isn’t as nice as our’s and why does she need to brush her hair-she only has that funny long stuff on top of her head!), and a lot of shiny stuff. But when I try to knock them off she yells at me. It’s not fair.

And why did they have to get a dog? We were happy-five kitty cats, ruling the roost, and then they got that…thing that barks all the time and chases us and then jumps on us and gets our fur all wet and smelly. Horrible thing.

16

I wonder why my humans think it strange I like asparagus and broad-beans. My sister is fond of contact-lenses and toe-nails. They eat uninteresting things like carrots and sometimes have those white sticks in their mouths that burn your darn whiskers if you’re not careful.

I also am baffled as to why I need to be put in a cage - for crying out loud- when I feel sick. They trick me into it, you know. Put a treat in it and WHAM, close the door. Then I’m brought into a moving sorta house - which is creepy - and then they put me on a table where I’m insulted by a guy in a white coat. Last time I was there, I scratched him good. Wrist to elbow. But the basterd put a needle in me anyway.

At least my humans have the decency to be nice to me after these humiliations. My toilet is being put next to me - not that I shall use it, ofcourse. I use the rug - and I get to get another treat.

Humans are a mystery.

17

You think you have it bad, my human packed everything up and moved it. Then he got this bright idea that he was gonna move me. Well I would have none of that. I almost killed him when he tried to put me in that little box. The blood was gushing. He seemed pretty set on this new location so I went along for the ride, but I was not happy. The new place sucks, the only safe palace is under the bed. This is so confusing, I do not know why he does not let me go in and out when I want. It is my right. I taught him a lesson by ripping a hole in the screen. When will he learn no screens can stop me? I am super cat and will do as I please.

-Kitty

18

Hahahahaha, good luck, super kitty. Make sure your human keep you indoors until you’re settled. - [yes, I know that’s not what you want, but strange neighbourhoods can be dangerous, you know… :)]

19

I think this is just a symptom of their lack of sense. I always watch mine closely when they do this, just in case they do something else stupid. Then I holler at them for getting themselves all wet, though the water DOES taste good when I lick it off of a human. For some reason, they don’t appreciate it when I help them get dry.

Mine are pretty good about fixing me a plate of whatever they’re having for dinner. I trained them to do this by simply helping myself to whatever smelled good on THEIR plates. I have even trained the male to get me a special extra order of shrimp (grilled, NOT fried) when he brings home FISH for dinner. I’m a lot quicker and nimbler than they are, and I can jump to the top of the fridge in a single effortless bound. They envy me.

The top of the fridge is also an excellent place to lounge. From that perch, I can supervise the humans while they prepare food and offer my advice. I can also be sure that nobody opens the fridge without my knowledge. I have to inspect the inside every time it’s open, though usually the humans drag me out of it before I’m done. Just because they’re bigger and stronger than I am, they bully me mercilessly. One time the male even smacked my butt! I showed HIM, though. I ran to the old fat female and tattled on him. She didn’t understand exactly what I was saying, but she knew that I was upset, and she went and questioned the male. I’m not sure what he said, but she yelled at him good. Now nobody dares to smack my butt.

There was another cat in residence when I came to live here. At first he was very shy of me, but now we’re best buddies. We wash each other and snuggle up together and play. One time I wanted to Make Kittens really, really badly, and I couldn’t get out to get a REAL tom. I tried to show my buddy what I wanted, but he really didn’t have any idea of how to go about it. I finally managed to get him to go through the motions, but he was no use, so then I tried to Make Kittens with the male human. He rubbed me the wrong way. Talk about frustrating! I haven’t wanted to Make Kittens for a long, long time now. It’s enough to snuggle up to my cat buddy and get washed, or have my humans pet me. I guess I don’t need kittens to be happy.

I love all my humans, but I love my “mom”, the old fat female, the best. She stays in the house almost all the time, and if she DOES go out, I scold her. She always apologizes and gives me extra pets and hugs to make up for it. I like to be in the same room with her. If she goes in a room and closes the door so I can’t get to her, I scratch at the door til someone opens it. How can she tend to me if she’s in another room? She’s the one who gives my buddy and me our treats, she’s the one who fixes me a plate of dinner (my buddy doesn’t like human food, he just likes cat kibble), she’s the one who pets us kitties the most, and she’s the one who makes sure that we get to play in the boxes and paper bags that come into the house.

20

I like the one with the long hair. She sits on the big bed and puts all sorts of papers on it that I can lie down on. Strangely, when I do this, she pushes me off. Why does she put the papers there, then?

I also like the one with the short hair. He knows just where to skritch my ears. He gives the best skritches, and he also gives me breakfast.

I like the one who brushes me, too, because it feels good, but she’s not around as much anymore.

Then there’s that noisy little kid…He sat on me once. But he’s getting better.