If Mormons are into porn production big-time, not wonder they can afford to campaign against gays.
It even makes a kind of sense, they want to drive gay sex underground, so they can film it while making it forbidden and hence drive up the price of their gay porn videos.
<Mtgman’s awesome song snipped>
Bravo!
Brain bleach is available for a small fee in Room 101. If Mariah has left us any, that is. . . .
I think you are on to something there, Jimmyboy.
What if all the Evangelicals, 700 Clubs, Phred Phelps and their kind were actually gay and regular porn producing film makers who sold the bible stuff to the Tighty Whiteys telling them that Gay Porn and Regular Porn is SINFUL and WRONG and Stuff Like That There which drives the flock to the porn because it is so WRONG.
If you think about it, the more they rant about how sinful SEX is, the more people crave it and go to the Lion’s Den Adult Store and pay in cash for Gay Jewish Midget Clown Porn The Electric Bugaloo.
THIS IS GENIUS!
I wish I had the brains and wit, like Christopher Moore, to flesh this out and sell it properly.
IT’S GOLD!
Note to self: start my own religion and create my own subsidiary company that sells the sinful stuff to the flock.
Brava!
The best I had in the mental choreography was
Mormon kids look so hot on bikes
Homos have their kids with dikes
But that’s no reason why they can’t be friends!
From 1997, I give you Orgazmo! Orgazmo (1997) - IMDb
Craving guilty pleasure has always been of particular interest to me. I’ve been an atheist for nearly 40 years and I still manage to wallow in Catholic guilt.
Thanks jayjay and Sampiro. I’m especially proud of the “Homos dance with unwed Mor-men” bit. I banged a lot of ideas around in my head for a succinct way to express “Homosexuals can court younger male Mormons whose dating pool has been extremely restricted by the practice of older men taking younger women as additional wives.” You’d be surprised at how difficult that can be to express in a chorus-length lyric. And I think it is linguistically different enough from “Mormons” to allow it to come out when sung.
I also couldn’t resist slipping the double entendre in there with “rest and ramen” but I’ve never been able to resist a double entendre.
Enjoy,
Steven
If GM could built a car like the Catholics built Guilt, the cars would last forever.
Can you imagine that in the 90s (the era of talking cars)?
“Door is ajar. And you forgot to call your mother.”
“Oil is low. And you missed Mass last Sunday.”
“Lights are on. There are blind children in India who’d kill for some of that light, you know.”
Just guessing here, but could it be because they actually believe what they’re doing is right?
I don’t agree with them in the slightest but I hardly think it should be surprising that Mormons are such dedicated opponents of gay marriage. It’s also unsurprising that they should marshall their forces and finances against it. They’re fighting the Lord’s battle, doncha know?
No matter where you want to go, it will only allow you to drive to church, your home, or Vatican City.
It will last for 33 years, when it will be recycled into an airplane.
The front doors won’t open for women – they’ll have to take the back seat.
You do not want to know what it will do if it catches you trying to have sex in the back seat.
I wouldn’t be surprised if it happened, but on the whole (judging from things written about the private lives of Young and other famous patriarchs and the memoirs of modern day polygamists) they were actually amazingly prudish, far more like the popular image of Puritans than like a sultan (or than the Puritans were). Generally there was an alternating order in which a husband spent one day/night with each wife.
Monday- Mona
Tuesday- Tessie
Wednesday- Willajean
Thursday- Mona
Friday- Tessie
Saturday- Willajean
Sunday-rest
Rinse/lather/repeat
If finances allowed at all each wife had her own house, and if it didn’t then her own room at least, and if even that wasn’t possible then at least her own space. One of the most detailed accounts (not sexually graphic by our standards of course but euphemistic) was written by one of the children of Lorenzo Snow (an Apostle and later president of the Church) who during the Mormon withdrawal from Nauvoo lived in a one room cabin with four of his wives and his ever growing children, and each wife had a bed in a corner cordoned off with rope and sheets. Three children were conceived and born in that cabin so apparently the sheets were being drawn for privacy a good bit. (Of course even in monogamous households a family living in one room wasn’t uncommon so privacy was something you found under a quilt; not so bad when the kids are too little to know what those noises are but really disturbing when you think about teenagers living in a house where mom and dad are going at it in the corner.)
It was taught in Mormonism (as in some other religions) that sex during pregnancy was sinful, especially for those with multiple wives. This seems to be especially true for the modern Fundie Mormons; in [Escape* Carolyn Jessop describes her husband being turned on by pregnant wives [which made him really horny since he had 6 wives and 50+ children] and keeping up his rotation with them, which his wives did not reveal because it could possibly have gotten him excommunicated (though he’s now the leader of the sect while Jeffs is in prison). Jessop also states that she had 8 kids by her husband Merrill and not once in their marriage did they ever see each other naked, and only had sex naked once.
As for wives having liberties with each other, that’s a BIG negatory. In the first place it would be as adulterous as if they had sex with another man and in the second it’s taught as unnatural, and there were [URL=“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blood_atonement”]bad consequences](http://www.amazon.com/Escape-Carolyn-Jessop/dp/0767927567) for unnatural things.
I completely understand them being against homosexuality (don’t agree with it obviously, but I understand), but I don’t understand why they donate so much money and energy to gays instead of to the gazillion other things out there: environmental causes (“stewards of the Earth” and all that) or fighting tobacco/alcohol or whatever.
Also, their prophet taught that black people were a cursed and inferior race and unworthy of priesthood and missionary efforts. The church reversed that stance in 1978 (which seems a bit cheeky to do- reversing the will of God or at least the words of his spokesman). Why not re-examine gays in a similar light? (The even bigger mystery is why the fuck Eldridge Cleaver and Gladys Knight ever converted to Mormonism knowing these former teachings.)
As opposed to having sex in the front seat, which will apparently get you ordained.
Ah, but the difference between the gay marriage issue and the admission of blacks into the church is that they feel that there is a huge section of the populace with them on this one. They won’t change until the weight of public opinion is against them. They’re sincere in their beliefs but historically it’s been shown that they don’t persist in spitting against hurricanes. The problem is that the gay marriage issue hasn’t got the hurricane force of overwhelming public support yet.
When it does they’ll change, but not before.
Humm? Masonry has nothing to do with Moronism. Masonry takes no position on Gay people.
They don’t stone them, then?
FTFY.
Mason’s supply weed?
( Or is it Masons or possibly Masons’. Where does the apostrophe go and who can I blame for my inability to figure out who is in posession of the weed, man?)