Just to prove that often times people have very different opinions and experiences from one another, and that a thread like this is not representative of individuals from across the spectrum (due to its tendency to attract like-minded, rather than diversely opinionated individuals) there is a sensory phenomenon that is completely opposite to misophonia: autonomous sensory meridian response. Yes, science isn’t sure it exists, but those individuals who do experience ASMR know it is very real; it is a pleasurable reaction to certain visual or auditory experiences, like the opposite of the involuntary cringe that is elicited by chalk on a chalkboard. Sound triggers include pretty much all of the sounds listed in misophonia: chip bags, crinkling, scratching, tapping, whispering, mouth sounds, even eating sounds. So it might not be everyone else, it might be you…(although people are rarely reflective enough to consider this possibility anymore).
Personally, eating sounds do not bother me at all. I have never noticed them. Indeed, my parents always exhorted us to eat/chew with our mouths closed, but never with the religious ferocity that many people who despise mouth sounds recall their parents exhibiting. Perhaps that is the difference. I have always chewed with my mouth closed, but have a very difficult time being entirely silent while eating as some individuals apparently expect and/or require from “civilized” eaters. This is due to the fact that I have extremely enlarged adenoids and tonsils from several bouts of severe tonsillitis and strep throat as a child. In the 90’s, unfortunately, there was a fervid belief that tonsils should only be removed in the most dire of circumstances, so unfortunately, I am saddled with them. I fit the criteria now, but at 28, having tonsils removed would be horrendous, and I can only imagine the indelibly traumatizing and offensive sounds I would make while eating and drinking in public during my extended recovery.
I didn’t grow up in a hillbilly house either. We were solidly upper class: my mother was an anesthesiologist and my dad was a corporate lawyer. My sister is also a doctor, and I am a lawyer. I have certainly participated in dinners where eating is done with the utmost civility and care. And you know what? I have never enjoyed the food as much because so much energy is expended considering and calculating your own conduct. And no, it never becomes habit, despite practice. I hope that from those people I love and care about most I can expect the understanding that comes with intimacy.
That brings me to this: the mindset of modern people concerns me. How have we become so petty and judgmental while claiming to be more open-minded and understanding? Really, our judgments have only shifted and our unfaltering focus has been on one thing: self-justification. “I am right. Everyone else is wrong. This opinion I have is Absolute Truth and anyone else possessing an inconsistent opinion is Absolutely Wrong.” Somehow I managed to survive Law School knowing that sometimes my opinion is just that: an opinion. And it has the same weight as everyone else’s. Those who are absolutely self justified: just know that for every pet peeve you have, other people have their own and defend them with similar fervor. If you hate someone for some innocuous habit, know someone hates you for your innocuous habit. For every rant you post on an anonymous forum, someone else is posting about you with the same vitriol. And what a toxic environment to create! Unless you have a mental illness like misophonia, is it so hard to really accept people’s small flaws? Even if someone lacks decorum entirely, what does your judgment do except corrode your soul and character and isolate you from the very real people that surround you?
I am glad I live in a laid-back part of the country, although, I will never let other people’s judgments get in the way of enjoying my life. Life is too short and I am sure when I am buried I will not regret all the times I offended people with my inadvertent or unavoidable mouth sounds. That doesn’t mean I am not considerate. I was taught consideration by my parents and it extends to granting grace to strangers because there is no way I can know their situation enough to judge them. And seriously, what does that judgment gain you? I wonder if those with lip-smack phobias ever thought about approaching someone who is making more noise than they like with compassion and concern, more like “hey, ya know, I am pretty sensitive to eating noises, so when we eat, would you mind toning it down if possible?” and less like “SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU” (in the latter, case, my God, I can’t imagine why they would be offended and defensive!) This lets them know that perhaps they are making more noise than they should, while also contemplating the idea that maybe it is you and not them.
I am one of those weirdos who loves mouth sounds on the radio, the feeling of intimacy, of closeness with that person. Sound is a beautiful sense. All senses are beautiful and life is beautiful. Yes, some smells are unpleasant. Yes, some sounds or sights are unpleasant. But every day I would choose to experience the negative in order to experience the good. I hope that those around me will treat me with compassion and understanding, so I treat others with the same. I wonder, do people who have these swift and uncompromising judgments of others also hold themselves to the same standard? If so, what a caustic way to live? How could you have any joy or self-esteem?
But seriously, if mouth sounds bother you so profoundly that even those you should love most dearly and unconditionally incite your ire, perhaps you should consider consulting an audiologist. Your life might be a happier place.