What the hell is wrong with ducks today?

Back in my day, ducks were cute critters that one would go to the park to feed. But they have changed. :eek: :eek: :eek: The depths to which duck kind has sunk shocks even me.

To say nothing of the lowly marmot.

AFAIK, ducks can be nasty evil “gang bangers”. They will band together to rape a female duck. They don’t necessarily care if she survives the encounter either. :eek:

I have personally witnessed more than one male mallard at the zoo prevailing on a female mallard in the water during mating season. She was pushed underwater, I don’t know if she drowned or not, I left soon after I recovered enough to move. This was as a 2nd or 3rd duck was having his turn. There were no zoo keepers in sight either. :frowning:

I’ll add, she was under water much longer than the “dips” ducks usually take looking for food…

Whilst playing a round of golf last week, a friend hit a ball, which hit a bird on the head, on the full. The bird (fortunately) was killed instantly, and assumed the standard dead bird position, i.e. on back, legs pointing to heaven. Even before the mandatory birdie jokes, a second bird took quick sexual advantage of the first. Not sure of the name of the bird species, looked like an anorexic magpie. Unfortunately for my friend, the deflection didn’t help make up for the poor shot (should have used a seven iron), and yes he was upset about the bird.

I was gonna make a joke about the Genus name…but geesh.

Stop. This thread is giving me a woody.

I went to the park to watch the ducks one day last month and saw one duck attempt to have forcible intercourse with another (both still living, thankfully). The victim raised the hue and cry and several other ducks came over and forced her would-be lover off her downy white back, after which the thwarted young mallard went to another part of the pond and pretended he’d been intending to spend some time alone anyway. The hen, her virtue intact, proceeded to bathe herself vigorously. The incident was rather amusing to the human observers.

Eh, apparently it’s easy to mistake-a cloaca on a lonely Monday night.

[neck hook from stage right]

“Cornered like a dead duck!”

Sorry, but my sister once used this this mixed metaphor in her teens and I’ve been teasing her with it for eons. Can’t wait to tell her that it can actually make sense! Or is it cornholed…

When the duck hits your eye
Even though it’s had to die,
That’s a cloacaaaaa!!!

::insert clever Eddie Izzard “tyrrany of ducks” reference here::

I used to have a pet duck, they’re vicious little buggers, believe it.

DreadCthulhu, just what the hell kind of search were you doing, anyway?

Just some necro stuff - its not like I am gay or anything.

I mean, once your sexual partner is dead, worrying about things like, whether they’re witty, or a good listener, or the right gender, seem to pale in comparison.

You realize, of course, that after the “duelling piano” sequence in Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Daffy and Donald went back to Donald’s trailer to do lines and engage in mallard-on-mallard bondage fun.

Once again, Dutch scientists step up to the plate to tackle the issues taboo’d in other nations. I for one applaud them, and look forward to this man’s detailed analysis of lesbian bovine strangulation sex.

You know, after the first 30 minutes or so, I think I’d get a bit bored…

moriah ya cracked me up.


An other drake mallard raped the corpse almost continuously for 75 minutes.

Maybe they were a couple and in his despair he was trying to revive his partner.