Tape the flashlight to a pump 12 gauge and then check things out.
“Alviiiiiiin…!”
One should never google Chupacabra before going to bed. Sorry, I should have added that disclaimer.
See, this just shows the importance of communication. If this had happened on Three’s Company (With Mr. Furley playing the part of the pack rat, of course), you just know that Chrissy and Jack would never have just gone ahead and asked each other what was up with the flower petals. Who knows what kind of crazy hijinks would have ensued?
As far as Philosphr’s problem:
What with all the talk about “hiding” her from the media–I’ll bet it’s Sarah Palin.
Do you have a pet pony who roams the neighborhood and leaves you “presents” in the morning? Now that I consider this, this sentence could allude to at least two quite different things.
Seriously, what about a rabbit? Rabbits are similar to horses in their predilections and eagerly eat any sweet vegetable.
But rabbits are usually too short to put the apple core on the porch railing … unless, yes! that’s it! It’s a 7 foot tall invisible rabbit! He’s just waiting for you to invite him in for a drink.
You have a graboid.
True story- my husbands post-doc adviser lived up the street from us. He was an avid gardener, with tiered gardens, flowers, veggies, the works. He was going crazy because the squirrels were eating his tomatos- or rather, taking single bites out of them.
So… he built a large chicken wire cage to house his tomatos (did I mention he was an rabid, err avid, gardener?).
While he was building this cage a squirrel watched while sitting on the fence post. After finishing he went inside. Later that night he came out and found, on the fence post leading into his backyard garden, a lone tomato perched on the post with a single bite missing.
Life imitates art all the time. Don’t sound so surprised.
Or let them suck on a goat after midnight.
Sorry, didn’t see that one. I was thinking of the eeeeevil children under the porch, trying desperately to signal that they want whole apples, damnit.
I’m totally going to picture Phlosphr as Farmer Donald Duck from now on.
My dad has a similar relationship with the blackbirds in his garden. They watch while he builds the netting cage for the strawberry plants and he swears he’s seen them taking notes.
Great! Now I can wear a straw hat, sailer shirt and no pants. I’m sure to get arrested…
After some thought, I am going to try to replicate the circumstances of last night. I’ve placed an apple core on the ground next to the porch. If it lands on the railing tomorrow morning I’m calling Adam and Jaime from Mythbusters to come and prove there is no Chupacabra under our porch, and that my wife and I are not crazy!
Ivorytower - that was a great story!
Similar story, also true…
My girlfriend bought 100+ tulip bulbs for her garden and spent the entire morning planting tulips - under the watchful eye of a squirrel. The squirrel was certain she was burying something good to eat (why else would you bury something), and when she went inside, scampered down and started to dig up the tulips, taking a bite out of each one, discover each one not to be the delicious nut he was hoping for and moving onto the next.
At this point in time, my friends second child was about three, and standing in the kitchen stark naked.
She looks out the kitchen window and says “That little Fucker is eating my tulips!”
The toddler hears the word…“Fucker?”
“Oh, honey, that’s the squirrel’s name”
So the little cherub steps out onto the back porch, stark naked, and starts calling for the squirrel…“Fucker…Fuuuuucker…Here, Fucker…”
One summer a few years back, my mother was fruitlessly attempting to grow some tomatoes, but for most of the summer, she could not get to any that were remotely ripe before the squirrels. Our whole block, but especially the back yard, are full of big old trees that are apparently prime squirrel real-estate.
So one day my mom picks me up from work, and tells me excitedly that she actually got a nice, big, ripe tomato off the plant today, before the squirrels. We do the only natural thing and swing by the grocery store to pick up some fresh mozzarella on the way home, because there’s nothing better than fresh tomato and mozzarella together.
We get home and I go into the kitchen. First I notice the broken glass spread about the counter, from the trinkets on the windowsill. Then I notice some teeny paw-prints on the counter. Then I notice that there is a hole chewed through the wire-mesh screen window.
Outside on the deck, right below that window, is the remainder of my mother’s tomato.
Yes, a squirrel broke into our home to get at that tomato.
You might want to be careful, even if it is just squirrels.
My mom had a knife stolen off of her porch by squirrels. We found it a few weeks later, with nibble marks on the handle.
And I swear I saw one of them eating a chicken wing… Carnivorous, knife-wielding squirrels.
Dangerosa and maggenpye- great stories!
NinjaChick-
You so win.
SOLVED!! Their friggin GREY SQUIRRELS, a whole passel of them. Listless little deviant tree gophers. I had a feeling it may have been them. They have packed a gigantic section of the porch with leaves and hay and have a huge nest under there. Mrs. P is thankful it wasn’t the chupacabra.
Great story NinjaChick