What the Holy Hell is under our porch? True Story

I’m sorry to inform you that you have a smurf infestation.

Honestly, if this were happening to me, I’d be creeped the hell out. Please do let us know what you find under there, be it cheeky chipmonk escaped from the monastery, chupacobra poised to strike, colored muslim with big dick who hates apples, or elusive yeti.

Why don’t you put a whole apple under your porch, and see if you get a core back? Your guest doesn’t seem to like cores. :stuck_out_tongue:

Another possibility. Is there any chance that your house was built on a graveyard and they only moved the grave markers and not the bodies?

Is it too late to put in a bet on Bigfoot?

(When you said the apple core came flying back out, did it roll out like it’d hit something solid or did it actually come flying out like it’d been whacked at? Because if it’s the latter, that’s odd–most wild animals who get something chucked at them tend to flee, not hit the object back at the intruder. Curiouser and curiouser…)

You have a ghost! :eek:

I’m thinking portal to another dimension, and they are pissed that you keep throwing your garbage into their dimension-X cities.

Or an orange portal, positioned on the same surface as a blue one…

Why haven’t you checked on the children!!?

The core is a LIE!

A homeless person, under the porch?

Just get a flashlight & check, dammit!

After the cobra bites you and injects its poison, the Chupacobra comes along and sucks (chupar) the poison out.

I was just watching “Finnigan’s Rainbow” and it suddenly struck me! Yes, an apple core flew out of the tv and hit me on my head. Then a voice said, “Put it in the bin, Are you trying to encourage rats?”

Yeah, I don’t think that the Chupacobra is going to turn out to be a net postitive like this.

Wait, you do have an idea though. A Chupacobra would be a “Snake Sucker” wouldn’t it? Alright, now we’re getting somewhere.

The Op has a Mexican hooker living under his porch.

Since when do children like apple cores?

Well we made it through the night. Probably wasn’t a good idea for Mrs. Phlosphr to google-image Chupacabra. This morning the Core is on the rail. I went out to investigate under the morning sun [to prevent vampires, goules, or some trolls from exposing themselves] and I found a small clearing and a little dirt dug away from the base of the porch. I suppose a chipmonk could have done this, if they are making their winter den. However, I thought they had the back stone wall all sewn up as their winter lair. So this morning it remains a mystery.

I’ll post any developments…maybe some pics.

Maybe you have a crabby hermit chimpmonk?

Flasher trolls- the worst kind.

Pack Rat?

We had one that did the strangest things.

It would strip the petals off of flowers and pile them on the deck.

When I first saw this, I wondered if my Wife had done it. I donno, looking for seeds or something. My Wife thought that I had done it and was just as confused as I was.

It happened a few times. A nice little pile of flower petals on the deck.

I bought a live trap, got him and relocated him (they are pretty big, about the size of a shoe). Crackers and peanut butter seems to work pretty well.

Um…I don’t think we were talking about apple cores, per se. It’s a movie reference. Spooky. Fear of the unknown. That kind of thing.