What To Do Or Say When A Doctor Examines Your Privates?

In My Humble Opinion
21

I’ve done thousands of genital exams, male and female, in my career. I agree with what the good @Dr_Paprika said above. Most patients don’t say a thing during the exam. Of those that do speak, inane comments outnumber on-topic questions by about 3 to 1.

Truly clever/witty comments are about common as winning lottery tickets, in my experience.

Turnabout is fair play, I saw a urologist two days ago and got the same exam I frequently do on older men with prostate concerns. I did not speak during the exam other than to answer his questions (which were clinically relevant ones). Very businesslike and professional all around, the way I like it.

22

No more need to say anything for this situation than you there is if the doctor was going to examine your feet. He/she has seen it all and has probably seen many more endowed and less endowed than you. It is not the high point of their day, either way. It’s just a normal part of your anatomy.

23

I know a guy who was getting a digital examination of the rectum by a doctor who was a woman, and she commented that he was tense and asked if it was because she was a woman. He answered that, no, he got tense whenever anybody did that.

I had to have my anus examined with an anus scope (who knew?) and the doctor started making conversation with me as the most uncomfortable part was happening. He asked me if I had any hobbies, anything I really liked doing. I told him, yes I did, I really liked not inserting things into my anus.

There’s a comic that tells of a doctor kneeling in front of him examining his privates. The comic allegedly slowly cupped his hand around the back of the doctor’s head.

24

What was very awkward was when I was 15 and was getting a physical. It was not my first one, as I was in some sports in school, so I knew the drill. I had a male doctor, and while the first time was a bit awkward maybe, by then, I was over it.

I’m in the room waiting, and he comes in, followed by a young woman (young relative to me now, not then, probably in her mid-twenties), and he asked me if I minded if she watched the physical. I’m 15, he’s the authority, so I didn’t really feel the ability to say no, so I agree.

So, he goes through some questions on medical history, uses his stethoscope on a couple spots on my chest and back, and then gives me the infamous line…

I glance at her, she’s not looking at my face, so I do my best to mentally remove myself and stare at the file hanger on the wall as I lowered my pants and underwear… I mentioned that I was 15, right? So I was not entirely flaccid at this point, this being the first time that any woman other than my mother has seen my genitals.

So, after that, every other visit to a doc, male or female, has not even come close to the level of embarrassment that I had that time. Puts things into perspective.

25

A few years back, I slept on my right arm in a bad way. I pinched the nerve or something and had numbness and paralysis in my right hand. At the physical therapist, I asked “Will I be able to play the violin after this?” She responded immediately “That depends, could you play the violin before? Yes, I have heard them all.”

When I was being put under to have two teeth extracted, I asked the oral surgeon “Will I be able to play the clarinet after this?”
He said “Yes.”
I said “That’s odd. I could never play the clarinet before!”

He gave me a dirty look and I lost consciousness. According to the friend who was with me in the recovery room (I don’t remember anything until she drove me home), my first words on waking up were “Clarinet! Clarinet! I got him with the clarinet joke!”

My jokes during exams that require me to remove my pants are limited to coughing the tune of my current earworm though. I’m uncomfortable. The doctor knows I’m uncomfortable. Let’s just get things done quickly and in a properly professional manner.

26

The doctor did this during my vasectomy. Kept me talking during the tugging and burning part, I’m sure he’s learned that it’s better to create some sort of distraction. Personally, I’d really would have preferred if he just concentrated on not making any mistakes.

27

They’ve seen it all and it’s no big deal.

I had to go to the emergency room for a bladder blockage and the treatment was a catheter. I undressed and exposed everything to be catheterized but they needed a doctor and then it was the wrong catheter and they had to go out for the right one and on and on …

My daughter is night nurse in the ER. Word went around that I was in the ER and everybody wanted to meet Angie’s Dad. So, while waiting for the great event, I was visited socially by a number of lovely young ladies who said hello and made small talk and were very matter of fact about my lack of clothing below the waste.

28

Yep. When I’ve undergone this piece of an exam, it’s all business. I say nothing.

I did have to go to a dermatologist once for a fixed drug eruption – an adverse drug reaction that … um … affected the skin on my penis.

The derm was not only extremely nervous but asked if I would mind applying the ointment and the bandage myself. I unhesitatingly obliged :wink:

Now … what did Chevy Chase do during a prostate exam, in “Fletch ?” About 25 seconds - probably NSFW:

29

I wonder if in real life comedians like him feel the need to crack jokes during awkward medical procedures such as that.

30

I’ve had an orchiectomy for testicular cancer, so examining the remaining testis is more than perfunctory. I also get a prostate exam at least once a year. I don’t feel any unease at all, I’ve been seeing the same doctor for eight years, so we both know the drill. He tells me what he is going to do, and i don’t feel any need to respond verbally.

31

Under things not to say: “Got any plans for tonight:?”

32

Medical school story:

I was seeing a patient at a VA clinic for a routine physical. He was an very elderly Black man whose speech and manners suggested he was originally from the Deep South…being from a very sexually repressed and uneducated area is the only explanation I can see for this…

Being a student I did a good thorough exam and noticed that he had only one testicle. I asked about it – and he had NEVER HEARD BEFORE that the standard number was two. :exploding_head:

33

Well, on average, people have approximately one testicle.

34

Cue the Colonel Bogey March.

35

Well, my first run in with cancer, Navy hospital in New London [which is actually in Groton, CT] I saw the OB/GYN about a lump that went from pea sized to pingpong ball sized in 30 days [his comment was Oh dear] Then he called in 5 or 6 more doctors to examine me -pelvic and rectal. Sent me off for imaging, sent me off for more imagine. Came back to see a clutch of docs discussing, and was asked 'How are you doing?" to which I commented I haven’t seen that much action since my husband deployed.

I ended up being a training aide for a bunch of independent duty corpsmen on wound care, and also giving rectals/pelvics - I don’t really have much issue with being used for training, someone needs to do it.

Cue 6 years ago, digestive tract issues and what I thought were thrombosed hemmerrhoids - went in for the 5 year colonoscopy which we were hoping would clear up my digestive issue diagnosis because the ultrasounds didn’t show anything wrong with the gallbladder. Turns out what I thought were hemmerrhoids was actually a stage 3 adenocarcinoma trying to make a break for the outside [and they were making it @_@ I have pictures.] So over the past 6 years I have had about 14 flexible sigmoidoscopies, more than enough rectal exams, a bunch of pelvics to see how the vaginoplasty was healing then during my regular breast self exam I found a lump, so now it is off to the doctors for a bunch of above the waist groping …

I am on first name basis with all my docs and medical techs/nurses, and we talk about whatever during appointments. I got my primary a quince card for his daughter, who had been born just as he was opening his practice [mrAaru and I were among his first patients, I met up with him at a doc-in-a-box and really liked how he treated us and stuck with him]

36

Why on earth would you be embarrassed or anxious about a genital/rectal exam? I don’t get it.

Usually when a doc is examining me, I ask him questions about what he is looking for, how he can tell things. Like when he’s thumping on my torso, I ask which organs are where and what he’s checking for.

I’ve asked the doc why so many men act as tho a rectal exam is such a big deal, and he’s told me what he does to make it as comfortable as possible, and has described what he’s feeling for.

He’s the professional, and I only see him once a year - I try to get as much useful knowledge about my machine as I can.

37

I (male) also have a female GP. I started going to her because the guy I was going to retired, and the one who replaced him was a dick. My wife was really happy with her for years. Considering her opinion, I decided that it’s better to go to a Dr. with a good reference from someone I trust than to have to research every Dr. taking appointments for a new patient. And, of course it turned out that she is a very good doctor.

When I got an appointment with her, it was very much in the front of my mind that now I would have a female doctor examining my genitals. But hey, we’re all grownups here!

When it came down to it, it was fine. She was very thorough, though. I was expecting the old ‘drop the drawers’, but what happened was she left the room while I changed in to nothing but a short paper gown, and let’s just say I felt assured by the time it was over that my body had absolutely no external issues that might be of concern. Which assures me she’s a good Dr. I was decently in to my 40’s at the time, and have to look out for stuff.

I will say it was a little odd while it was happening, but not nearly as much as I anticipated. And I said absolutely nothing except to answer questions, which were few or none.

Re: smalltalk, the most awkward smalltalk I’ve had at a Dr. wasn’t by me, it was by my urologist during my vasectomy.

Couple points about that procedure.

First, the nurse that ‘prepped’ me was professional to the point that I was absolutely, positively, certain that she was not interested in my genitals. Nay, she was pretty convincing that they disgusted her, and having to handle them possibly ruined her day. There was going to be no small talk there. I honestly believe that, when she was growing up and thinking about what to do with her life, she didn’t think “I want to be a nurse”. She thought “I want to make a living taping mens’ penises to their abdomens”.

But the urologist…now, he was a great guy, don’t get me wrong. The pre-appointment I definitely thought that if I’m going to do this thing, this guy is allright!

But man…during the procedure, he talked. the. whole. time. I’m guessing it’s because a lot of guys feel better talking about sports while their scrotum is sliced open, but I’d have been cool with just a few simple exchanges.

On my followup to check healing, he had a student (male) in the room and asked if it would be ok if he observed. No problem with me, and the student actually seemed a lot more awkward about it than I felt.

38

I had that same nurse

39

In The Kaminsky Method, Danny DeVito is a urologist giving Michael Douglas a digital rectal exam. And says “even the gay guys don’t like this part.”

I’ve seen lots of doctors and urologists and no one has any ever said anything remotely inappropriate (or as funny.)

40

Another humorous anecdote about having my privates examined:

When I was getting ready to leave the Marine Corps, I reported for my exit physical. (There’s a “Privates” joke here somewhere, but I wasn’t Private so I won’t try to make it happen.)

The Navy Dr. who was examining me was professional and casual, if a bit bored. He had a clipboard with a checklist. I could see it now and then, and noticed that the subjects of this thread were down at the end.

So, we made our journey together in to the land of Pantsdown. I got the usual feeling up, and could see, very clearly, the next box on the checklist. I’m not sure that it explicitly said “Digital Rectal Exam”, but that’s what was coming.

He saw me looking at the clipboard. He looked at me. He almost smirked and said “Are your bowels good, son?”

“Yes sir!”

“Ok, get dressed, we’re done.”

And that is one of the highlights of my military service.