The immediate POP into my mind is:" Do fries come with that shake???"
Dunno if I’d really inflict it on the poor wretch though…
Hmmm…
I’ve come (so to speak) upon this situation myself.
I was living in the dorms at the time, and I had an afternoon class that day. My roommate was there when I left for class. I walked out of the building and made it as far as the sidewalk before I saw a friend taking the same class. She told me that it was cancelled for the day and would continue next week.
Great!!, I thought, I would just go to the beach! (Ocean, 10 minutes away.) I went back to my room to get my towel and headphones, and call my friend Erik.
I put my key in the door and open it…and walk in. There is my roommate, pants down to his ankles, with my copy of Penthouse in his hands (err, I should say one hand). He was like lightning covering himself up with a blanket!
I did the cool roommate thing by pretending I didn’t see a thing or notice. I walked in and talked normally, like nothing ever happened. I grabbed my stuff and went to the beach, but I still laugh my ass off at the incident.
He knows I caught him, but since I was discreet, but we have never said a word about it. EVER. I prefer it to stay that way. 
Criticize their technique. Offer suggestions for improvement, if applicable.
If I was a parent and caught my child, I would act like its no big deal. Cause it isn’t… it gets old after a few years… L I consider myself the mastabatory king of my teenage years. If I had a few moments to spare and a partially secluded area… wacka wacka.
Now if I caught a SO in the act first I would ask if she wanted to eat out tonight, then I would wonder if there was something wrong with my sexual prowess…
[Simpsons reference]“Don’t mind me; just came in to get the ol’ wet/dry vac!”[/Simpsons reference]
Hmmm… I’ve been, err… interrupted by both parents. Either they didn’t realize what was going on, I was quick to ‘hide the evidence’, or could give LESSONS on pretending not to notice.
Really, it’s quite embarrassing, but it’s nothing to scar a kid.
My mom AND I walked in on my older brother one time, but he was ‘quick to hide the evidence’. Mom kinda gave him a raised eyebrow look, but I didn’t even catch on till I was thinking it over a few years ago.
One of my friends, Keay, doesn’t even care. He’ll do it in front of people he knows well if the mood strikes. Well, he doesn’t ever whip it out and stroke, but he’ll sit and massage his balls or rub his glans or something. It’s disconcerting at first, but you get used to it eventually.
–Tim
Can I help?
Take notes?
You know, it ** is **possible for friends to share too much. Yikes !
Go!
Go!
Go!
Go!
Whenever my friend gives me shit, all I have to do is look meaningfully at his hand and ask “SO, how’s IS your girlfriend doing?”
“Hang on, I’ve got a camcorder in the other room!”
Or, tell him to lie on his arm until it goes dead, and then do it and it feels like someone else.
You may need to sellotape your hand on…
Ask which issue of Playboy/Penthouse/Hustler/Big’Uns/etc they are looking at and compare critiques of the poses vs earlier issues of said magazine and ask to borrow it when they’re finished.
If a movie is being watched, ask which one it is and discuss the artistic merits and wonderfully written dialogue and have they seen “Good Will Humping” which is in your opinion one of the finest films ever made, and ask if can you borrow their movie when they’re done watching.
Alternatives:
“You missed a spot.”
(singing) "He’s got the whole world, in his hands
One thing I do NOT recommend, however, is “Where’s the Beef?”
Well, seems like ya all haven’t seen a guy who could suck on himself, so would you still say the same thing?
Pick up a discarded baseball cap, hold the brim upside down and move around the room saying “Hey, can you loop it from here”
I’d be too awestruck and jealous to speak.
or “Come on ! Give it your best shot”
A chick walked in on me once, and she was pretty obnoxious about it. My opinion is, if she didn’t like it, she shouldn’t have sat next to me on the bus.
I don’t understand why people are hurt when they catch their SO’s masturbating, especially if you have been having sex as often as they have wanted. Communication is key. The only time i would be upset is if I had made it clear to my mate that i wanted to have sex more often and i repeatedly caught them masturbating instead of having sex with me.
Sometimes my husband and I help each other masturbate, sometimes we just fly solo. We still have sex almost often enough.
My husband’s mother reacted in the worst way. She spied him through a keyhole and then burst in dousing him with ice water.
I can dig that. My byfriend and i masturbate, together, in front of each other, etc. I think you can learn a lot about what will get the other off, and what will get you off!! Sex got a LOT better after we openned up to this and I suggest every couple, when you are reafy for it, try it.