Lissa, who made that suggestion, works at a museum so she would be in a position to know.
Nor is there an ‘e’ in ridiculous.
I still have a box of old love letters, friendly-but-not-love letters, birthday cards and other correspondence. It has nothing to do with mooning over them or unrequited feelings for the authors but rather I feel they’re part of my history and what’s made me who I am and so I hang on to them. It’s sort of like having a journal but in reverse since many reference points and eras in my life. They’re in an old shoebox so they don’t take up much closet real estate.
Assuming I never get rid of them, someday they can belong to the grandkids and they can decide to toss them or keep them. Hopefully they’ll at least find them interesting once before they throw them away.
Why not just ask your wife how she feels about them? It sounds like the only reason to dispose of them is for her.
I’ve kept all my letters from my ex. I don’t read them, but they are there, with all the photos. They are part of my history and when I’m 90 I will enjoy reading them again and remembering. I also have all the letters from my girlfriends, and one dear friend that I was madly in love with before I met my ex. I would never dream of throwing them away, and he never asked me to. Tie them up with a ribbon and seal them in a box, but don’t dispose of your personal history…you have a long life ahead, and you never know how things will change.
Of course, the proper thing to do with love letters is to return them to the sender so they can dispose of them as they wish…by the way, where IS Eve these days?
Throw them away. You won’t miss them.
The last thing anyone from the future is going to need is MORE record keeping from this era.
Or give them to Trunk.
When I was married my then wife and I talked about the subject of letters and pictures and we both felt the same way. We both felt those items were a part of our past and history so we agreed to keep them in a box in the closet.
I am glad I saved them because a couple of years later we got divorced and now I have some of those pictures from the box hanging in my hallway.
I tend to agree with the sentiment of the larger portion of the respondents. A few months back the gf and I had an argument when she came across some old letters in one of my drawers (happened to be the drawer when I had all that kind of stuff) and she was immediately bothered. Obviously, she was bothered because she thought I was holding onto them because I still have feelings for them. I associate no regrets, remorse, or such with these old letters and pictures and such; instead, I look at them fondly as the places I’ve been and how far I’ve come. Like others have said, I think these items are a far better insite into who I was then, which very well may be enlightening to my future children and grandchildren. To me, asking me to through those away would be like asking someone to through out his old childhood blanket or favorite stuffed animal; we may not need that security anymore, but that doesn’t make it worthless.
I’d keep them. They’re a part of your past and obviously still hold meaning for you. You may really value having them decades down the road, simply for the memories they invoke. I see no reason to throw them away.
I agree to keep them. Seal them in a manilla envelope (already suggested) or a shoe box and tape it shut. Put it in a closet or someplace. That’s what I did. My husband knows I love him more than anyone else, but he knows I had a past.
I found my husband’s love letters from his ex-- about a month after we were married. Reading her description of their relationship… I was about to quote some passages, and 16 years later, I still remember them exactly. That was very painful.
I cried, I ranted, I raged, and burnt the letters. Then I went through his boxes of pictures and burnt all the pictures of them together.
By the time he got home, I felt embarrassed at how I had reacted, yet I was still furious at him. He couldn’t figure out what had got me in such a terrible mood. I didn’t mention anything.
A few weeks later, in the middle of dinner, through clenched teeth, I said to him: “You know, your love letters from X?”
“Oh, do I still have those?”
-“Not anymore. I burnt them.”
-“That’s fine.”
-“I burnt all the pictures I could find of you both.”
-“Fine with me, dear.” He went back to reading his paper.
I had been going from shame to anger for about 2-3 weeks, and it was no big deal for him.
Do you know, when I think of those letters, I still feel unsettled, I still wonder if I was just second best for him.
I trash all mine. I don’t enjoy reading them, because instead of reminding me of how fun the relationship was, it reminds me of the pain of the breakup.
Whoa . . . you burned them?
I would be alarmed if I was your husband. Didn’t you have a boyfriend before your husband?
Kepp them.
You are with the person you love, and that person loves who you are. Those letters are mementoes of the path you took on becoming that person, just like an old team sport shirt or those silly earmuffs (or what ever).
If your SO is seriously bothered by them, it is "let’s have a talk " time. You obviouslky are not obscessing or overlyt involed with the “old flame”, and that person sounds like a genuine friend.
One point, based on an earlier thread, about donating them to a historical/archivial society. Get permission from the sender first. Sounds like some pretty personal stuff was contained in them, and not only is it respectful, but it also has legal implications if you do not.
Best regards,
FML
I recently read your reply of on the above captioned subject of April, 2000, and was very interested in your last comment " “the proper thing to do with love letters is to return them to the sender so that they can dispose of them as they wish”. I’m a senior citizen, and have kept letters and mementos from my college sweetheart that I was pinned to and wanted to marry. However, she married while I was in service, and that kind of mess my life up for awhile, but although being very happily married for many years I still think about her often. Several years ago I found these items in an old box with other college mementos, and I feel compelled to have these items returned to her when I leave this old world. My wife is aware of my better qualities today and I have always told her that is because of the many shortcomings I had when I was back in college, and the lessons I learned during my experience with this fine gal in college. I made several mistakes at the time, didn’t handle the entire matter very well in '61. I learned more in the last six months of my college relationship that I have my entire life. I have told my old sweetheart that she was a very positive influence on my personal and business success in life. I’ve only seen her twice in the last 47 years, but she has always been polite and cordial since our college days. I just would like to have your thoughts on my returning the items to her when the time comes, and I was just wondering what a classy lady would think in receiving such a package at this stage of our life. I would like to thank you in advance for your time and effort on commenting on my questions and giving me your thoughts on the entire matter.
Good health and happiness to you,
Are these letters from a zombie?
Whenever I find notes/messages/letters from an old gf it just reminds me how much I hate that old gf. YMMV.
Seriously? Do you regret burning them now? That’s a pretty horrific thing to do and that’s coming from someone in the “you don’t need any continued contact with your ex” camp. If I were your spouse I’d be beyond livid.
I vote for keep them. I still have photos and love letters from exes. They’re a part of my past and have nothing whatsoever to do with my current relationship. I’ll also keep stuff from this relationship if it ever ends. Memories are priceless, I would never callously toss them out with the trash. If your wife is uncomforatable with you keeping them, put them in a box and keep them somewhere outside of the house. Tossing them would be a shame, though.
I cast my vote with the “they’re part of your history” crowd.
Regardless of your relationship with your current spouse, all that happened to you in your life up to the time you married doesn’t just simply vanish on your wedding day. All experiences, both good and bad, had an effect on making you who you are.
I agree that there’s something wrong if you’re getting old love letters out frequently and mooning over them. But if they’re tucked away and visited on rare occasions with the intent of connecting with your old self, I don’t see a problem with it.
A semi-related story from personal experience…I had a girlfriend in college who wrote poetry. My first wife and I had been married for a few years when I found a batch of the old girlfriend’s poems tucked away in the attic. I hadn’t looked at them once in the intervening years.
What astonished me was how GOOD they were. It had nothing to do with them being written to me…they were just plain good as pieces of poetry.
I didn’t throw them out at the time, but eventually a few years later, I did…and I very much regret this now. In this case, it wasn’t just a matter of destroying my past…I destroyed a part of hers too that can never be retrieved (barring the unlikely event that she kept copies of them herself).
In the internet age, the chances are pretty good that you can locate someone from your past. If I had kept those poems, I would return them to my old girlfriend now (perhaps I would read a couple of them one last time). It just seems like the right thing to do.