What to say to a cousin in a bad marraige situation?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Up till yesterday, my whole immediate family was hyped about having Thanksgiving dinner at my cousin’s nice house. She just got married this summer to a local celebrity in Atlanta. Her husband seems like an okay guy on the surface. He does weekend stock reports for a local TV station, has two beautiful teenage daughters, and a nice house in Buckhead. And he has good taste in women. My cousin is not only gorgous (she looks like could she be in that group En Vogue, with her pretty hair and long legs) but she’s very kind and funny and very smart. She’s definitely an example of someone who’s risen up from poverty to Become Something. She’d never hosted Thanksgiving before, so this was her chance to shine in front of her new and “old” family. We were all excited about spending the day with them.

I just found out my cousin just discovered her husband has a 2-month old baby. Her “okay guy” is not okay after all. I don’t know how she found out, but I trust that she has indeed stumbled across the truth. Of course, her husband’s denying it. The lying put her over the edge. My cousin grabbed all her things and has sought refuge with my parents. She just sent an email to everyone that announced she’s canceling Thanksgiving dinner. Sadness is threatening to taint our holiday. Note that my cousin is not the type to stir up drama. So this is a really big deal.

I feel very bad about this situation. I think about her husband and all the times I joked around with him…thinking, “This guy is alright”. I feel bad about her financial situation because she had just sold her house–the one she had before the wedding–and so now she can’t be the independent person she’s accostomed to being. I also feel bad because this is a woman who does not deserve another tragedy in her life. A few months ago, a few days before her wedding, her sister died unexpectantly. Argh! She does not need an adulterous, lying husband on top of this!

But the thing is…I don’t know what to say to her. She doesn’t know I know about what happened (my sister told me about it last night), and I don’t want her to think her business is all in the street. She’s also older than me by a few years so we don’t talk much, but I really want to do something. Any suggestions?

2

There’s not a lot you can say in these situations, other than sincerely offer an open ear anytime she might need it. I wouldn’t bring it up unless she does, because she might welcome the opportunity to think about something else. But if she does, just offer her your apologies, and let her know that you’re willing to be there for her if she needs it.

3

I would respond to her email just so she knows that I got it and know not to show up at her house on Thanksgiving. She probably has some worries that might happen and will grateful to those who let her know that “they know.”

I would try to let her know that I am thinking about her and respect her for doing what she feels she needed to do. A decision to cancel a holiday for a lot of people is hard to make but she did the right thing. I think all you can do is let her know you support her and that you are there for her.

that…and that you know not to show up at her house on Thanksgiving :wink: