May I suggest distancing yourself from the person for a while, even if they say they want friendship? I was the torch-bearer once, and I insisted I still wanted to be friends. Of course, what I actually did was pine. It sucked, I would, in retrospect, have loved to have had that space of a few weeks to get over it.
Jinx, I am not looking for Mr. Perfect. (Though I thought I’d found him once, until he turned out to be a spineless wimp.) The friend I speak of, though, in romantic terms would not even be Mr. Barely Adequate.
It’s not a matter of idolizing some imaginary person. But in my case it’s knowing that THIS one just isn’t going to cut it, no way, no how.
I agree, completely. Thinking that everyone is somehow a diamond in the rough that can be polished into the perfect mate is as much a fairy tale as Mr. (or Ms.) Perfect.
Think of it this way - can you easily imagine any one of your friends as your spouse/partner? I have had some great friends that I could never see being romantically involved with, mostly because something about them (a characteristic, a habit) is tolerable in a friend but would drive me nuts in a committed relationship. I’m sure the same is true of me from my friends’ perspectives. If not, we’d all be happily hooked up with each other right now ( :eek: ) rather than still looking.
Happens to me too. IT’s best to adress it quickly and respectfully. You have to let that person know that you aren’t interested and if you do care for them as a friend, let them know that too. Let them know clearly the extent of your feelings for them and the boundaries you are comfortable with. Usually I find these situations arise in my closer friendships so it sometimes comes from situations with friends I honestly DO care for - just not romantically. So I explain that…that I do care for them very much, just not in a romantic way and that the friendship is important and I don’t want to lose it but I don’t want to take it any firther.
Most of the time that makes sense to the persona dn we can move forward…some guys just can’t handle that and can never recoup their egos.
mipiace, good advice. Quick and respectful would have helped when I went through it immensely. Be prepared for some hurt feelings, but believe me, it’s much much better than letting it drag on and on.
I’ve had it happen a few times, Sunfish, and it doesn’t seem to get easier, however often you do it. It even seems to get harder the older I get 