I’ve been working and not surfing during the week. I’m (mostly) caught up. Last week, I was wondering if that would ever happen. Today is mostly quiet, although a lot of people are actually in the office today. It’s recruiting season, so there are lots of interviews today.
I saw my shrink on Tuesday, and she went old school and started me on a tricyclic anti-depressant. She said, and I quote, “You have real problems,” which made me laugh. She meant real problems, as opposed to problems just in my head, I suppose. I haven’t been on tricyclics in a loooonnnnggg time, but it’s all coming back to me now. The sun and light sensitivity thing is hard, but I’m finally able to sleep through the night and wake up refreshed instead of exhausted, which is a welcome change.
I got a call on Wednesday from my family’s “wealth transfer management” consultant. He’s all about family wealth being more than property and includes family healing and wholeness. Anyway, he’s interviewing all of the family members to create a “wealth transfer” plan. The whole thing will be wrapped up with a weekend long retreat, where the family can “heal”. I am deeply conflicted about this. Part of me really, really, really wants to believe it’s true, part of me thinks it’s more BS, part of me thinks it would be totally idiotic to go back and possibly be re-traumatized by my psycho family. And part of me thinks that the drama potential is immense. WWIII immense.
I mean, I’ve been in therapy for all these years. I know, mostly, how I feel about everything and, by and large, remember what happened. (My family are masters of denial. I **know ** there’s some nasty stuff in there that I haven’t a clue about.) I’ve worked very, very hard on forgiveness, both for myself and for them. They can’t even get through an evening dinner without a fight or two breaking out. I can’t begin to imagine what 2.5 days together would be like. The not-so-nice part of me thinks this could be vastly entertaining to watch. The smart part of me has a distinct desire to be several states, or possibly continents, away while this is happening. I’m pretty sure I know what the right thing to do is, but I’ll probably go anyway.
So, all in all, it’s been a busy week.