Mr. Haney
what?!
Male friend: Rick Castle. He’s funny, rich, and hangs out with Det. Beckett a lot.
Female friend: Lorelai Gilmore. Even though she probably has weekly drama emergencies and would foist Paul Anka on you without notice.
I second Hurley from Lost. Don’t know about Ben, though: he’s a manipulative stone cold murderer, after all.
Libby might be OK, too. Everyone else has too many issues.
The Robot from Lost in Space.
He could sing, play the guitar and would always let me know if he suspects danger.
Chuck Bartowski and Morgan Grimes.
Ted Moseby.
Burton “Gus” Guster, and Detective Juliet O’Hara.
Douglas Fargo.
I’m going with Abby Sciuto, because then she can introduce me to her obvious best friend, Penelope Garcia, and we can all hang out and be awesome and cool and smart together. 
I’ll take her and Willow. Great conversations, and entertainment at night.
Thomas Magnum. He gets all the women, has lots of fun, lives in a killer guest house. He doesn’t get into too many really bad situations, and those he can handle. Hell I’d even be nice to Higgy Baby.
I’d also hang out with Hank Hill. He may not be brilliant, but he’s not stupid either. He’s loyal, and while he’ll take some shit, it’s only up to a certain point. Plus we could hang out in the ally and drink beer. Yep.
Anyone who’s capable of this would make for an awesome compatriot.
Tom, Dick, Harry and/or Sally from 3rd Rock.
Yeah, but Magnum’s got the sweet deal, not you. Higgins isn’t going to let YOU live in the guest house or drive the car. He barely puts up with Magnum doing that. And why do you want to hang with someone who gets all the women? Doncha want at least one for yourself, or are you content to take his rejects?
Al Bundy, because my life looks great by comparison!
Jack Carter from Eureka because I want to live in Eureka. I’m not a super-genius so I guess I’ll have to work as a second sheriff’s deputy or as their clerk or something.
Columbo.
I want him to be my grandpa.
Barney Miller.
If he was the local Chief Of Police, this town would be 100% better.
Also, really nice [del]hair[/del] guy.
I’m not so sure. He seems like a nice guy and all, but everyone around him has disasters happen to them constantly so the hazard pay had better be good.
I’ll bet he’d read you some awesome bedtime stories.
I’d pick the smartest/most knowledgeable – the Librarian, perhaps. Or Abby or Ducky from NCIS. Or any average Joe from Eureka.
Chandler Bing. A good guy, a loyal friend, and funny as hell.
Hank Hill. Always knows the solution to any problem, and will save your ass in a jam.
Natalie Teeger from Monk. She’s a sweetheart.
Drew Carey from The Drew Carey Show. A nice guy with a great sense of humor who won’t make fun of your crappy job because his sucks, too.
Chris Turk. He’s a cool guy, and he does goofy “victory” dances.
BURNS wants a friend from Tee Vee? That’s kinda ironic.