I’ve been crotchety, suspicious, and cynical for some time now.
This sounds alarmingly like me, now.
But, most of my friends are younger than I am.
“He’s such a nice old man.”
“GRAWWWK!!! MY TOES ARE FESTERING!!!”
“Well, most of the time anyway.”
I’ve been crotchety since I was 12.
Considering I’m already a crotchety, suspicious, and cynical old fart, I think it’s a done deal.
My choice wasn’t presented. I am going to be full-blown eccentric. I have already started working on it but it is going to get much worse.
I figure I’ll be just deaf enough to talk really loudly and spend my time making wildly inappropriate remarks featuring ethnic stereotypes.
I hope to be somewhat like the 82 year-old I met hiking in Zion earlier this year. He was on his 47th trip to the top of Angel’s Landing. Talk about somebody who was full of life…the whole way up he regaled us with funny stories and broke out into song when we reached the top. I wouldn’t mind being THAT kind of old fart at all.
You forgot crazy cat lady.
I intend to die under a pile of 100lb. bags of kitty kibble.
I’ll look like this and I will do exactly as I please and be happy.
How the hell can I vote on this damn thing… I went to the church on the corner where I always vote and they just had some damn kids running around. I finally found some punk who was in his 40’s and he says there is no voting until November. I’m going to call my Grandson tomorrow and have him remove this damn internet from my computer… It’s nothing but trouble and you damn scammers trying to get me to vote for things that don’t even exist.
And now some punk is at my door claiming I backed my Cadillac into his car in the church parking lot. I’m sure I would have heard something if I had and I didn’t… more of you damn punk scammers.
(Care to guess what I voted for?.. or would have if the damn thing was real)
I outlived my entire family and always thought I’d be the old fart who passes you on the trail at 8500 ft, but now my knees are going bad and I’m just the old fart you see limping into the convenience store to take a leak and buy a quart of old Mil…
I’m going to be even crankier when I get old than I am now. And I’m going to have even less patience with idiots and fools than I have now which means I’ll probably be quite rude.
And as mentioned above, I’ll be the crazy neighborhood cat and dog lady. Four-legged critters are so much easier to deal with than two-legged ones.
I’m going to wear lots of red and purple caftans and outrageous hats.
Becoming a crotchety old man is one of my goals in life.
A miserable one.
both my grandmother and mother has alzheimer’s so chances are I am going to have alzheimer’s too.
So I will be the old fart who hits the gas instead of the brake and crashes into the Quickie Mart at 70 mph.
i’m 34 now so i have about 30 years of lucid life left to enjoy.
That’s my plan, too. Make sure you keep posting here so I can get ideas from you, okay? 
I haven’t given it much thought. I’ll be 50 in a couple of months. My boyfriend and I went for a walk yesterday and I did tell him that I never want to stop having sex and that I hope I die while having an orgasm. So, I suppose I’ll be a horny old lady/fart…some day. 
Since I retired, I’ve already begun my reign of old-person terror. Remembering all the things that used to annoy me about old people, I now make the earliest dental appointments available, just to mess up those working stiffs who like those “stop in on my way to work” times.
The post office, too! I like to go early in the morning and chat up the workers.
Same with voting. I get in line as soon as they swing those doors open, and shuffle slowly to the voting booth. I take my time.
I especially like getting out there on the freeways and obeying the speed limit (sometimes slightly below) and dawdling in the passing lane, just to annoy those worker bees in a big hurry to punch in.
Shopping? I go on Saturdays and shuffle slowly up and down the aisles, leaving my cart right in the middle, just to aggravate those working folks who have to get it all done on the weekend.
Sure, I could go mid-morning or mid-afternoon for most of these things, but where’s the fun in that?
I’ve decided I’m going to be one of those racist old people, but like against people that others aren’t racist against, like Swedes. My grandchildren are going to learn quickly not to bring up IKEA or else they’ll hear my rants.