Pears (any fruit, really, but in particular pears) that I pick out for their fruity unblemished perfection. And no matter how I coddle them on the ride home, I take them out of the plastic bag and they look like they were attacked by a mad slasher.
That’s part of my problem with grocery packers and fruit - I know apples and bananas are both fruit, but apples WILL bruise the bananas when packed together (as they always are at my local Safeway). I’ve stopped caring whether they think I’m a high-maintenance bitch or not - I rescue my bananas as soon as possible.
People who park in the middle of the road while they chat with someone outside their vehicle. I know the road was empty when you started your talk but there is someone behind you now and he wants to get through but you’re too *&^*ing lazy or stupid to actually … park. Instead you choose to block the entire road for the specific purpose of being an ass.
And on that note, “push” doors that have a “pull” handle. That doesn’t even make any sense! Yet, every time I go to the great Mexican restaurant down the street, I have to feel like a jackass because I pulled on the door to leave and I’m still stuck inside.
You knows what irks me? People who don’t know how to use common program features (e.g the Reply-To address), and send emails that feature them shouting their ignorance at me in color.
My co-workers. We all telecommute, they’re insignificant (in that I’ve never met any of them and am not likely to) and they still manage to bother me.
Does that count? 
Badly laid-out notices, and bad typography in general.
For example, notices that have been printed in ALL CAPS in Times New Roman, ranged left, because it’s clear that whoever wrote them either couldn’t be bothered to change the default settings on Word.
Home-made notices like the above, OK, I can let them off (although they still annoy me) but when I see professionally made signs with appalling layout, it makes my eyes twitch.
There are stickers on the windows of trains here — I can’t remember the wording but it says something like:
Why the widow? Why not make the sticker slightly longer, or use a slightly smaller font, or, if neither of these was possible, insert a line break after, say, the word “doors”? It would look so much better!
There’s another notice on the bike racks at work saying that abandoned bikes need to be removed by whatever date or they will be taken away. It ends with this monstrosity:
Soft returns, people. Soft returns!
Similarly, lawn-service vans that have taken to parking in the common turn lane in the middle of one of our major roads leading in to town. I know they’re parked because the back is open and the ramp is down to unload the lawn mower or whatever. I know the residences on this stretch don’t have very big driveways, but is it even legal to block the lane with a freakin’ huge truck for your convenience? How about determining the drive size ahead of time and sending a smaller vehicle?
Putting my fries ON TOP of the burger in the bag at the drive-thru. Why do they do that? I keep forgetting to tell them to put the fries on the bottom.
Putting napkins ON TOP of my burger and fries. When I am trying to get a few fries or check to see my order is correct, it’s no fun getting a few handfuls of napkin instead, especially if I’m halfway toward putting it in my mouth. It gives me dry mouth just thinking about it.
It used to bother me that before watching TV I had to start a major archaeological excavation to find my sofa underneath all the crap the kids were leaving there. Every. Freaking. Time (yeah, we have only one TV set). Same thing with the bathtub before taking a bath.
Since last year, I have officially declared the whole of the second floor of our house a disaster area. I’ve quit watching TV (there was nothing really worth watching anyway), and I shower in the downstairs bathroom instead of taking a bath in the upstairs bathroom tub. Life has become better, even if I miss those long baths sometimes.
Traffic lights. I was promised a flying car and I really shouldn’t have to be wasting my time sitting at traffic lights.
Co-workers changing their default Outlook email font from nice, normal, readable Calibri or Arial to…
Comic Sans.
Really, really makes me want to ignore their emails.
I’m with you on the misuse of effect/affect, but the use of “effect” as a verb that you mention above is correct. I don’t think it’s a new use either; to me it reads as old-fashioned.
[QUOTE=Merriam-Webster]
effect - transitive verb
1: to cause to come into being
2a: to bring about often by surmounting obstacles : accomplish <effect a settlement of a dispute>
2b: to put into operation <the duty of the legislature to effect the will of the citizens>
[/QUOTE]
There are some people you can just safely ignore - people who mis-spell fluoride in water fluoridation debates, people who spell it “alot” when they mean “a lot,” and people who use comic sans in business writing.
Injecting political snark into casual conversations that have nothing to do with politics. If I’m giving you directions to my apartment and I tell you there is a Bank of America on your right where you turn onto my street, I don’t want to hear your opinions of Obama’s economic policies!
People who use the library computers at my university purely to go on Facebook for three hours and won’t give their spaces up for students who would actually like to do some, you know, work. Also the library and university staff who don’t care. Particularly annoying if they are wearing clothing that displays their campus residence name, since I know that each residential hall provides a communal computer area with more than enough computers available for every resident and only able to be logged onto by hall residents. They don’t need to use the library computers, they just can’t be arsed to walk an extra 100 metres or so back to their hall.
Clearly, that is my opinion too. God, how I wish I could actually use it as an excuse… nay, a reason!.. to ignore their emails.
“Yes, I know you sent me an email asking me for the data for this vitally important global project, but because you used Comic Sans, I didn’t think you meant it seriously”. That should work, shouldn’t it?
Student papers that are not stapled.
It is SUCH a small thing. I know this. Really, I do.
But when I teach seven classes a semester with 30 students per class, and 1/3 of those students hand in papers that are not stapled, it’s…annoying.
Some of them do that stupid fucking thing where they fold over the corners, and/or make a small tear in the corner, that supposedly “attaches” the papers together.
Just…no. No. NO. BUY A FUCKING STAPLER FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT’S HOLY AND GOOD. They’re a dollar at the dollar store.
One student folds the corner over, then tapes the folded corner. NO. STAPLES.
Yea, it’s tiny. Insignificant. Meaningless. And yet, rage-inducing.
Just forward them a handy table listing “appropriate” and “non-appropriate” words and phrases to type in Comic Sans.
e.g.
Appropriate:
LOL
BIFF!
SHAZAM!!!
Gaaaarrrrfieeelllddddd!
I know how you must feel, Brad
Non-appropriate
Please forward the data as a matter of urgency
We have therefore decided to terminate your contract with immediate effect
The laboratory results indicate the presence of a large and inoperable tumour
With regard to your late mother’s estate…