What do you call two guys that hang in your window?
Kurt n’ Rod
These aren’t bad jokes. They’re awful, wince-inducing jokes, but not in the sense that I understood the OP to have intended — completely unfunny jokes.
I was one of many simultaneous victims of someone who thought it would be entertaining to tell the original classic shaggy dog story. That’s 45 minutes of my life I still want back. It’s not funny; that’s the “joke”, i.e., “hey, I had you hanging on every word for the better part of an hour thinking this was going to be a great joke, and it’s not, ha ha ha!”
(In the version I was subjected to, the “punchline” was “That’s not the shaggiest dog we’ve ever seen, so we’ll give it 2nd prize”)
In that case, it’s a tie between Andy Borowitz and P. J. O’Rourke.
what do you get when you cross a fag a hispanic a cokehead and a welfare recipient?
A snowblower that refuses to work
Why cant most lesbians cook?
They eat out too oftwn
and i read this on a website in the late 90s :
A guy and girl are banging away in bed and then the guy decides he wants to try anal …so he asks her about it
She replies: No way! that’s disgusting immoral and perverted
He’s irritated now so he says: disgusting immoral and perverted? arent those big words for a 12-year-old?
What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Being raped.
Worked with a guy, Gary, who took an entire lunch hour to tell a story. I wasn’t there, but the boss was, and often recalls it.
Ten minutes in (which is ages in story-telling time), everyone has figured out that the story wasn’t true; Funny-Guy Gary was just setting up an elaborate joke. Twenty minutes go by, and only the boss had realized that Clever Gary had been making the whole thing up as he went.
For the rest of the story, boss had to try to keep a straight face. Which Gary was somehow doing effortlessly. Boss finally had to excuse himself and leave the office to crack up. So he never heard the ending, but it did NOT contain a punchline or any sort of payoff. Coworkers still remember that lunch hour with angry betrayal, and a chuckle.
What’s a foot long and slippery?
A slipper.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean ground.
The Brady Bunch joke.
Something about an architect that designs a building with no doors. How do you get in? Run around and around and around until you’re in. 
Don’t remember it exactly, and refuse to look it up.
Didn’t get it 40 years ago, still don’t get it. Maybe that was the point. Not supposed to be funny.
When a joke hits a certain length, it’s not the joke that’s funny, it’s the delivery. (The Aristocrats!) My son once told a 10-minute joke that was literally nothing but an opening line, a lame punchline, and whale sounds, and it had me in tears.
Granted, for a 45-minute joke, there would have to be one hell of a delivery to keep it going.
No soap, radio.
What’s green and has wheels?
A lawn. I lied about the wheels.
Two groaners I heard:
Q. What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbitt?
A. “You gonna eat that?”
Q. What did they find at Jeffrey Dahmer’s autopsy?
A. Jimmy Hoffa.
Damn. That was many years ago. IIRC, the person is in the building trying to get out. You run around and around and around until you are all pooped out.
So, a baby seal walks into a club…
(rimshot)
Has anyone here seen “Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore”? If you haven’t, there’s a scene where her adolescent son tells a “joke” that isn’t funny and has no discernable plot or punchline.
First heard in 1986, and again in 2003:
Q: What does NASA stand for?
A: Need Another Seven Astronauts.
or
Q: What were the space shuttle pilot’s last words?
A: “What’s this button for?”
:smack:
And in between those times:
Q: What does “gay” mean?
A: Got AIDS yet?
Hoping that South African participants may forgive the following: it involves what is a highly unacceptable word in those parts – S.A.'s version of the N-word.
Heard from a (white) one-time work colleague who had allegedly spent time in South Africa. Other things aside, a kind of “joke” which I don’t find at all funny: not “about” anything, just basically pointless wordplay. This so-called joke tells of a South African politician who called his dog “Canteen” – because it was a “kaffir terrier”. That’s all – essentially, just a means of shoehorning-in a bad word.
The joke with the woman on her deathbed confessing past infidelity to her husband, who reassures her that it’s OK, because that’s why he poisoned her. I have seen variations on this joke many times, and the punch line has never struck me as remotely humorous, yet it is claimed to be a very funny joke.
You’re conflating two jokes. The punchline for Gatopescado’s is: “You run around and around until you’re all in”, which is a way of saying “exhausted”.
The second joke is: “If you’re swallowed by an elephant, how do you escape? You run around inside the beast until you’re all pooped out.”
My contribution involved some convoluted setup, followed by the question “So how many pancakes does it take to shingle a doghouse?” The answer: “None, because ice cream has no bones!”
My relatives are responsible for the bad jokes I’ve heard.
From my sister (when we both little)
“How do you make a slow horse fast?”
Answer: “Tie it to a post”
Me: I don’t get it. Does that mean if you tie it to a post it can’t get to food, so it can’t eat?
Her: I think it means that you tie it fast.
to this day I haven’t heard a good explanation for this “joke”
My mother:
Three animals walk into a bar. While they’re there drinking, it starts to rain. The turtle volunteers to go get their umbrellas (He’s got a shell, so he won’t get wet).“Just don’t drink my beer,” he says.
The turtle is gone one hour. Two hours. Three hours.
Finally, the remaining two animals talk it over and decide that he’s not coming back – they may as well drink his beer.
At which point the turtle opens the bar door and says: “If you drink my beer, I won’t go for the umbrellas”
That’s the punch line. Really.