I agree with this. ^^
Nah, it wouldn’t last if the person had an offensive personality - people’s beauty is heavily skewed by that. But I won’t be shy about looking for an attractive mate; my first wife was 6 years older than me, and had previously had a gastric bypass surgery.
I’m divorced and looking for the love of my life. Your damn right I’m going to start with those I find attractive.
I’m well aware of your provincial opinions about sex work.
What I shared was an issue I had. In the real world, I’m dating a person. This is just a part of her past.
That seems to be the board’s consensus. And I’ve expressed a mea culpa
But it does strikes me that it undercuts anybody’s claim to have respect for a woman’s autonomy to engage in sex work if identifying a person as a sex worker is taboo.
You’re missing the point. No one (well, almost no one) cares if you date someone who engaged in sex work. Did you not gather that from the tenor of the responses you got in your thread?
WTF? I don’t even know what you mean by this. Do you want a pat on the head for deigning to consider that a woman who was, gasp, older than you, and was previously fat, is worthy of your sexual attentions?
As to wanting a sexually attractive woman to date, that’s fine. Sexual attraction is important in the vast majority of romantic relationships. But in the truly good relationships, a large component of that attraction flows from emotional and intellectual compatibility. If you only pay attention to women who are a 10 on the looks scale, you are cutting yourself off from a lot of potentially terrific mates.
No, but I bristle at insinuations that I’m solely looking for a mate based on looks, or status, or some other shallow metric. I didn’t just deign to be attracted to her; I married her.
Abso - fucking - lutely. I can’t stand being on even one date with somebody I can’t converse with, no matter how attractive they might have initially seemed.
Since my divorce, and after processing the grief of losing my “family”, I’ve set some standards for myself. Not based on looks, but based on lifestyle. I go to the gym regularly, and eat very healthy; I have decided not to date a woman unless she does similarly.
So it might seem superficial when I am selecting for woman with very nice bodies, but it’s actually not.
Totally wrong. Doxing your date was you bragging and a shit move to her. Criticizing this behavior has nothing to do with lacking respect for a former sex worker, but with your lacking respect for her and us losing respect for you for doing this.
Yeah, it’s funny how after the Sexual Revolution of the 1960s and the Women’s Liberation of the 1970s, old-fashioned puritanical prudery snuck back in through the cellar door by rebranding itself as supposedly being concerned with women’s victimhood. In the case of sex work it’s the patronizing assertion that the women involved simply haven’t woken up to their exploitation yet.
Ask her how she feels about you doxxing her on a message board.
If she’s truely putting her old life behind her. You may very well have started it up again. She might not appreciate that.
Ahem. You know nothing of my veiws on sexuality or porn. All you know is I was attacked for having egads an opinion on a teacher posting porn.
If you read my post objecting to the overwhelming majority of porn,
does not enter into it.
i have known I am frankly unsure how many women who have worked as prostitutes. I met these women as a patient in various mental health programs. The details of their lives differed so slightly as to be almost identical-
A male relative (often a father) molested them often and thoroughly.
Either nobody believed them when they reported the sexual abuse, or nobody cared.
So, they ran away.
They were unable to find shelter or work.
They were young, attractive, and had already learned to disassociate while a relative had sex with them.
So, they started having sex with strange men for money.
I am not saying that this is the case for all prostitutes everywhere. But, I suspect it is fairly common.
Note that I do not object to stripping which is often classified as ‘sex work’. If a woman who strips at a club ever talks to you truthfully, it becomes clear that it is the men in the audience who are exploited not the women on stage. Make eye contact. Make a man think he is special. Hint vaguely that in the champagne room of if he gives you enough money there will be actual sex. One of my classmates in a small ceramics class way back in college was the stereotypical stripper who did it to make money so she could pay for classes, get a degree and move on to the career she really wanted. My sister worked as a stripper for a while for the same reason. Here, I am claiming that the overwhelming majority of female strippers find the men showering them with cash gullible fools at best.
But you haven’t explained why you felt it necessary to say you married a woman 6 years your senior who had previously had gastric by-pass surgery. Please explain how that is relevant, particularly in the context of you trying to convince us that you’re actually a nice guy?
Sorry. It’s superficial. You say you go to the gym regularly and eat healthy, and want someone who does the same. Fair enough - I think it’s a good trait to respect your body and take care of it. Plus it could be something that makes you compatible - you won’t be arguing over whether the expense of a gym membership is a good use of funds, or whether you want to stop at McDonald’s on the way home from a tiring day out.
But not every person who exercises and eats well has a gorgeous body. Maybe they had a mastectomy. Maybe they just weren’t blessed with conventional good looks or a tiny waist. That part is superficial. Just fucking own it.
I did no such thing. You aren’t doxxing by identifying a public figure. If somebody came here and said they were dating a celebrity, and then name dropped Daniel Radcliffe, would he have been doxxed, even though we can see his penis in Equuis?
Fine. But I’ll point out that people were taunting me in that thread, saying it sounded like I couldn’t handle my feelings. Well, shit, maybe I didn’t need to feel bad about this.
Why? Because now things she knows are on the Internet are now known by more Internet denizens.
I thought people posted here about their relationships. I thought they may have even said things they wouldn’t want their SO to see; maybe honest feelings that are still in a stage of evolution.
I didn’t do anything to her. And in person this isn’t a topic or an issue.
So she is fine with what you posted?
Because I don’t get into relationships for superficial reasons like a person’s looks.
Of course. But I’m not meeting people in the gym.
So if you are out and about and looking to meet somebody who does exercise and eat well, a good tell is that they have been successful at it, and therefore have a nice body.
You know what, I will.
I also want to date a stunningly attractive woman. I am therefore going to actively discriminate against all men and many women.
Now, how they are attractive will be determined solely by me, according to criteria that I select, but I do expect that there will be some crossover with other people.
But I really don’t think it’s as superficial as you say. Being strongly attracted to somebody physically is at least as closely aligned with their being as being attracted emotionally, no?
I know my wife was gorgeous when we were together; now, the mother of my child looks, to me, tired and unappealing. But that’s at least as much a reflection of one’s inner light as anything.
You do realize that your past posts still exist, right?
IMO the @Moriarty thread was doomed to devolve into another round of the war of the sexes threads that plagued the Dope for so long. And got very tiresome as the usual suspects lined up on both sides to shout at one another with their fingers in their ears.
In the last few years the very topic has become taboo. The “safe space” mentality here means it’s forbidden to write a thread that will awaken the dread war-of-sexes-Chthulu.
I do not mean any of this as a criticism of @Moriarty or of our current moderating standards. I’m simply observing that he/we backed ourselves into the same old place with the same old highly predictable responses.
I have already said that I believe it is okay to post on the dope about private feelings separate and apart from your SO.
So I have no idea what she’d think.
I also don’t report back to you all the details of our lives.
But when I opened up to you all, I did so completely. I was completely open about how I felt . I posted as I was thinking it through.
People thought that was exploitative. Fine. It’s not like you’ll hear anything else.
It’s a fair question, but to me it doesn’t matter. She may very well be comfortable with what he posted. Personally I found it somewhat gross even if she was reading over Moriarty’s shoulder as he posted. Beck said it perfectly:
I know, I know, you (Moriarty, not Beck) have said mea culpa about that. So if you mean it, maybe stop defending yourself over the fact you did it?
And I was molested as a child.
Maybe we were meant for each other.
Again, that was my objection to prostitution. My objection to the overwhelming majority of pornography is quite different. I made a lengthy post explaining that objection in your thread,
You just keep digging, don’t you? By definition a woman who is older than you, or has had gastric bypass surgery, is never going to be physically attractive?
“I’m not superficial! I prefer blondes, but my first wife was a brunette. See how magnanimous I am?”
Ask yourself: would you show her the thread and all the details you posted about her? And expect her to be thrilled about it?