Anyhow …
Others can correct me, but I don’t think those are photos of dry afternoon receptions. Especially the ones with the wedding party drinking beer.
The green and blue sari sounds perfect. For a conservative Midwest afternoon wedding, you need to cover your body from just above your cleavage to just above your knees, you need some sort of sleeve, you need to wear undies and keep them off display, and you need to not wear solid black, white, or red. If you cover all those bases, you’re golden. I’ve been to several weddings of the ilk over the years, and I only remember what one person was wearing–a thin yellow sundress with no slip and a thong. Just don’t be That Chick.
As long as your husband has some sort of nice trousers and a dress shirt with a tie, he’s good. Jacket is optional, and either of the choices you’ve outlined are good, so it’s just whichever he feels like wearing. The blue would probably look better with your sari in the inevitable pictures of you together.
Guin, you absolutely can go wrong there. At a formal wedding, sure. At an afternoon wedding with cake, punch, and sammiches in the fellowship hall…no. Just no.
I strongly recommend against wearing the sari, even if your family “expects it of you”. This is something else’s wedding.* It isn’t about you*.
Sattua, would you mind explaining that? I mean, I *know *it isn’t about me. Are you thinking that me in a sari would be offensive, or draw too much attention, or what?
Draw too much attention. Depends on where in Iowa though - if you are close to the university, the rural Iowans will have seen it before (but still think you are odd). If you are in Bedford, I wouldn’t recommend wearing a sari. In addition to drawing too much attention, Southern Iowa has its racist, insular “you are different than us” contingent.
And yeah, in the rural Midwest, its still questionable to wear black (or red) to a wedding. You can absolutely go wrong in a little black dress in a conservative church in Iowa in the middle of the afternoon. And I’m in Minnesota - I wouldn’t wear a sundress in October - I’d freeze and look stupid. At least, not without a sweater. I wouldn’t wear bare shoulders to a wedding - and I’m not exactly a conservative Christian.
My go to “wedding dress” for spring/summer is a pink linen. For fall/winter its a orchid color silk. Both have cap sleeves. The pink linen has a full skirt below the knees. The skirt on the silk is tighter, but not tight, and right to the knees.
Except at a wedding.
It would draw too much attention to you. It’s the bride’s day to be the center of attention. Guests need to all sort of blend into the background.
How “evangelical” are we talking? I pretty much agree with the consensus here unless it’s actually a charismatic (Holiness) church. If it is, I suspect skirts will be longer (mid calf, at least) and everyone will be in long sleeves. In Alabama, where I grew up, there was a distinctive “Holiness” look that involved calf length denim skirts, white long sleeve button-up blouses tucked in, and long hair. I would imagine they wore clothes at least as conservative to church.
The tartan (from his side of the family) is MacNeil of Barra; nice and quiet as tartans go. The novelty ties are the sort that can pass for boring until you’re up close, and then you might notice that instead of little paisleys or fleur de lis, there’s letters of the alphabet or something. Nothing humorous.
I agree with **CrazyCatLady **and others that black at an afternoon wedding might not be quite the thing. Don’t have a black dress that fits these days anyway.
Good point!
It’s central Iowa, near Des Moines. 100% of the adult family members are college educated (around a third of the degrees from Ames), as will be many of the guests, maybe most. The bride’s mother, my aunt, teaches ESL to migrant workers. The church, while as conservative as you might expect in doctrine, seems genuine about the “love your neighbor” thing and has no overt xenophobia.
Should I really not wear a sari and buy something for the occasion? I don’t think it’d be anything I’d ever wear again. I work from home in a cold house in New England. I’m thinking through my closet and honestly don’t think there’s anything in there I could even have altered that would be any more appropriate than the olive sari.
I don’t know why – I’ve worn black at weddings plenty of times. In fact, I’ve seen the majority of people wearing black dresses (with patterns). I’m mostly saying the style – it doesn’t have to be black, per se, but just the simple little dress. I’m not talking something formal. A simple sundress for summer, or something with sleeves, or even a cardigan in the winter. You’ve got PLENTY of choices.
Well, but that’s not what you said. You said the Audrey Hepburn LBD, which is by most interpretations a cocktail dress of some sort, usually in, well, black. A cocktail dress of any color isn’t appropriate for this sort of event, especially not a solid black one. My gods, you want to talk about drawing attention to yourself.
And nobody said anything about not wearing a print with black (or white or red) in it, which is what you’re calling wearing black; we’ve said it’s not done to wear those colors as solids.
I have a suggestion – take photos of yourself in a few different outfits and send them to his mom, or another trusted and sane female family member on his side. Ask them to pick the outfit they think is most appropriate. You could (if you think it’s needed) add a western outfit to let them politely indicate this is better than a sari – it doesn’t have to be “formal”, a skirt and nice top should be okay for an afternoon event. But the point is to ask, they are more familiar with the couple, the event, and the church. And if his mom or whoever gives you feedback that’s way off the mark … well, you asked. His immediate family will know you tried, they’re the ones you have to see over and over again.
But really, I wouldn’t stress too much. It’s pretty common for people to worry about guest attire but IMHO you have to be really off the mark or really unpopular for anyone to care. And you don’t sound unpopular.
You’re right – I should have been more specific – a simple cut, dressy-dress, in a basic black color. :smack:
I’ve never heard it’s a no-no to wear solid colors to weddings, though. Perhaps that used to be the case (white, of course!), but anything else? Cite for that?
I’d think black with patterns would be fine. I think of a “little black dress” as being plain black, and also knee-length or shorter.
On preview: Plain colors in and of themselves aren’t generally inappropriate for weddings… unless the color is black (thought to be funereal), white (reserved for the bride), or red (associated with prostitutes or at least overt sexuality).
Y’all, I do not own ANY dresses at this point in my life. Not one, I promise. I own at least 30 saris and various even more exotic ethnic wear, including salwar kameez sets (a.k.a “Punjabi suits”) and several abayas (the long robes Muslim women wear in parts of the Middle East – not the kind that cover your face, though). I own lots of beat-up cashmere, a dozen or so oversized stretch silk blouses in bright colors with coffee stains, some long linen overblouses (again with coffee stains), and fifteen pairs of travel-knit pants cut off at the ankle. I own several skirts, all low-ankle length; three or four in cheap tissue-weight silk, starting to rot and tear at the stretched-out elastic waists; one in plain black travel knit; one in plain black silk; and one in hot lime green Indonesian batik, a very hippie look. I’d have to have any of the skirts taken in at the waist to wear them now.
People aren’t saying solid colors are out, they’re saying red, blue or black solids are out
emmalimmel, are you, for lack of a better term, Indian or Indian-looking? If so, I think it would be absolutely appropriate to wear a sari under the circumstances described.
A conservative sari is fine. It’s just going to look like a dress if wrapped the way you describe.
I’d think you’d be fine in a sari then. There are plenty of places in Iowa where the theme from Deliverance can be faintly heard and where a sari is going to stand out as “sum’thin’ those furaginers wear.” Salt of the Earth folk in many cases, but a sari would draw attention. The area around Des Moines/Ames is pretty cosmopolitan though.
You are on the East Coast. Black became appropriate for weddings out there 20 years ago. And cocktail dresses for weddings aren’t inappropriate.
In a Midwestern city, black is still frowned upon by many people older than 40. I’m one of those that when I see someone wear black to a wedding, my eyebrow goes up. “Didn’t your mother raise you better?” My husband is still getting crap because an old girlfriend went to a family wedding in red.
In rural America, the original Emily Post still reigns. You do not wear black to weddings, unless the bride were to indicate that would be ok.
The other thing to keep in mind is that if your family is used to you dressing in a certain way, making a drastic change to blend into the background will actually draw more attention to you. One of our best friends wore a fringed red wrap skirt and (I believe but would have to check pictures to be sure) a black top to our wedding. Nobody took the least notice; someone noted that Maggie the Cat had joined us, we all snickered, and then everyone turned back to me. That’s pretty much how she dresses on a regular basis, so she didn’t look like someone competing with me for attention, just her normal striking little self. People thought, “ooh, nice skirt,” and then dismissed her and her outfit from their minds.
If she’d gone out and bought something less vivid to blend into the crowd, though, people would have been looking at her and nattering about her all night. Because it would have been weird to see her dressed like that, and we all would have been speculating on whether she’d gone out and bought something she’d never wear again special for this one day, and wondering what sort of diva she thought I was that I would mind her dressing like she always does. Besides, she wouldn’t have been nearly so comfortable with how she looked and her behavior would have been off and thus distracting. She would have felt the way cats look when kids put doll bonnets on them.
Nobody who’s not a total asshole wants someone they love to feel like that, especially on what’s supposed to be a joyous occasion. And you have to keep in mind that a lot of times a couple will have the photographer take pictures of all the couples and/or households in the family or close friend group so other people (aunts and such) can order copies. Even if the bridal couple doesn’t do that, various relatives that don’t see the OP often will want to get pictures of her with her husband and sprout. It’s in nobody’s interest for the OP to look like a cat in a baby bonnet in these pictures. Better for her to wear something she looks and feels great in, whatever it may be.