What Will You Do With Your Republican Dividends

Assuming Bush officially wins, he’s gonna give us a big fat tax cut and do away with death tax.

I have a 102 year old Gramma who worked 40 years for ATT. She’s got lots of stock.

That and the income tax-break would turn out to be big bucks.

I’m debating whether I should buy a Porsche Boxster or one of those new Mercedes SLK 320s.

Which should I get and why?

Should I wait until it’s official or do it now?

What will you do with your Republican dividend.

(Remember this is a Republican dividend, you are not allowed to give it to charity, help the poor, save some trees, or use it for any other worthy purpose. Selfish is good, Selfish and destructive is even better.)

Though I guess if you wanted to use it to build a statue of the 10 commandments at your local PS, that would be okay.

Well, Scylla, this thread has been hanging here for over fourteen hours and everyone seems to have turned away with gross and wretched feelings in the pits of their stomachs, but I’m about as sensitive as a seat in the Bryant Park comfort station, so I’M willing to play!

One word: Golf.

All the money that comes back to my pockets because by golly the nation’s prosperity is due to the hard work of MY white heterosexual plump well-manicured hands and I sure enough know better how to spend it than Big Gummint does is going STRAIGHT to GOLF-RELATED purchases!

I’m buying the finest imported golf clubs for myself, both the kind with the wooden ends AND the kind with the metal ends, and a bag of rich Corinthian leather!

And I’ll get a matching set for my wife! And cute lil miniature sets for my children! It doesn’t matter if they grow out of them, because as soon as they do I’ll buy them the next size up! And I’ll throw the old ones out!

I’ll need memberships in an exclusive suburban golf club, too…I hope there are still some restricted ones left around New York City. Y’know, those Jewish folks make darn good accountants and lawyers and stuff, but I just don’t want them around when I’m trying to relax with my Own Kind. I suppose I’ll have to put up with coloreds on the kitchen staff…busboy, maids, sweepers, whatnot…but, again, I certainly wouldn’t want them using the same locker room facilities!

Yep…golf it is!

Well, if we’re going all Republican, will I have enough cash-dough to finally become a Lady Who Lunches? In that case, I will need to find a bag to match my Jimmy Choo pumps—I don’t think Hérmes makes the right kind, so I may have to go Coach (NOT a phrase I normally use!).

By the way, Ike’s hands are indeed well-manicured, if not particularly plump. I’ve seen 'em.


I’ll meet you at the 19th hole for some Johnny Walker Blue. Gotta go get a new set of Pings.

I think I’ll buy a huge fuel-guzzling car and pay someone to remove some of the more critical parts in the emission system. Then I’m gonna find a source for leaded gas and have it shipped to me at huge expense. I’ll probably store it behind my house in a not-very-robust underground tank of some sort. Whenever I want to make a quick trip to the store–hell, to the mailbox 50 yards away! I’ll fuel up and go.

Guns. Lotsa fucking guns. And maybe a city councilman, or two.

My lifestyle is only a few steps up from “trailer trash”, and I don’t belong to an exclusive country club. I’m not on welfare but I’ve done better financially under Republican administrations. I saw more young Airmen on food stamps during the Clinton years than under Reagan or Bush. Don’t panic, but we Republicans really don’t want to feed kids ketchup and call it gaspacho, starve the poor, put minorities “in their place” (wherever that might be :rolleyes: ), or throw the elderly under the wheels of passing semis.

If the promised tax cuts go into effect, I will finally pay off some bills that TW so kindly left in my care. I will replace my resin (picnic) table-and-chairs dinette set with a real table and chairs. I will purchase a chest-of-drawers to replace the two large rubbermaid containers that currently serve as clothes storage. I will buy a frame to elevate my box spring and mattress off the floor. I will get some furniture for Son’s room and clothing for him to wear when he visits and TW doesn’t provide him with appropriate clothing. I will pay off the incredibly deteriorating minivan and get a small, fuel efficient car. I will buy the glasses I haven’t been able to afford since I left the military, get some dental work done, and possibly even buy a couple new shirts. I will increase my donations to causes I think are worthy (such as Paws with a Cause and Helping Hands).

Move over, Bill Gates! (Yeah, right.) :wally



I’m sorry those all sound like worthy things. Your Republican Dividend will be subject to recapture if you attempt to use it in such a manner.

As “one of us,” I’m shocked to hear of your circumstances. Don’t you know that all you need to do is go down to your local bank, and they’ll just give you some money? Pay it back when you feel like it.

Every Republican must have a luxury car and a Country Club membership, don’cha know? We gotta keep up appearances, otherwise the Hoi Polloi may start to get uppity. Come down to the yacht Club Saturday for Bloody’s and we’ll fix you up.
BTW. I’m Republican too. We’re just funning here. :slight_smile:

Well hookers of course…lots of hookers…the nice kind of hookers that you need a high priced Heidi Fleiss madam to fix you up with.

After that, I want his bad boy http://www.hammacher.com/DefaultPage/default.asp?ReferrerURL=&ContentPage=/publish/10183.htm&cat=HomePage%20Featured%20Product%2010183&pcat=&pcont=

Maybe I’ll try to recoup some of my stock losses of today.
And, uh, Scylla. Before you start spending that ATT stock, have you looked at Big T’s chart lately? Unless I’m holding it upside down or sideways or something…

Well, seeing as how I’m from Jersey and all, I’ll just have to buy myself a Senate seat!

Or does that only work for Democrats?