I call my daughter Missy Foonga when she starts acting all prissy on me. Dunno why.
I’ve had so many punchlines that became standard among my family and friends I can’t remember them all. One from college came about during a dorm conversation where a friend tried to get me to go on a date her brother. She said something like, ‘if he wasn’t my brother, I’d do him.’ To which I replied,
“Well, if you can’t keep it in your pants, keep it in the family.”
This has become a comment on any behavior reported in the media relating to incest.
Observative, instead of observant
I once called the styrofoam thing you put your beer in a ‘beer warmer’. All my friends still use it.
Danielinthewolvesden wrote:
Um, an acquaintance of mine heard the phrase “in deep kimche” back when he was in the Navy in the early 1980s. I doubt a gaming group’s slang would have made it all the way into the Armed Forces by that time.
Everytime my gramma on my father’s side didn’t understand what you were saying (i.e. if you tried speaking a foreign language in front of her), she’d say, “Moscatittily-poo-poo to you, too!”
“Chucklebutt” is a surprisingly good derogatory term.
And, of course, the plural of doofus is “doofii”.
Those are the ones I use that get me weird looks from passersby.
My brother and my cousin made up a word when they were about six or seven years old: “Heeny.” It has the exact same usage and sense as “D’oh!” from the Simpsons. It quickly became a family buzzword.
This same cousin is prone to strange malapropisms and mangling of idioms. Once he was asked if the pool was hot or cold, and he said, “It’s just kind of luke.” So now we say “luke” instead of “lukewarm.”
He also tried to say that someone was dim, as in “not the sharpest knife in the drawer,” or “a couple sandwiches short of a picnic,” or “has a screw loose.” Somehow he conflated all of these ideas and came out with: “He’s a couple of screws short of a fork!” We say that one too 
Smeghead -
I love “chucklebutt!” I’m always looking for whimsical and relatively inoffensive ways to insult people. Thanks, I think I’ll use this one.
Snakeout - when campers wait for a snake to reappear.
To my friends upon leaving a restaurant:
“Shall we roll?”
Mike: “We shall!”
You should see the looks we get from hostesses/cashiers/other diners… c’mon, it’s fun!
(my regards to Tom Servo) 
I believe I started Studcupcake in high school. A studcupcake is a stud muffin with frosting.
Don’t worry, I am seeking professional help.
how 'bout let’s shall?
retroscribe v. -scribed, -scribing - to date a written document with an earlier date, usually with the intent to give the impression that the document was not written the day it is due.
Here’s mine: “ding” (Not new word, just new usage.)
It basically means the appointed time or deadline. So, if you’re supposed to meet someone at 3:30, and you get there at 3:37, you arrived “seven minutes past the ding.”
Etymology should be obvious to anyone familiar with those ol’ time wind-back cooking timers.
Shameless appeal to fellow posters: Please use my word so I can obtain some miniscule measure of fame before I die. (As it is, I’m lucky if my family will remember me.) Just remember where you got it from.
My mom started calling the sideboard in the dining room the hedgehog, for some reason. She couldn’t remember what it was really called. I hope to start a whole new sociolinguistic variant.
I came up with the expressions cisgendered, cisvestite, and cissexual. Cis means “on this side of”, as in cisatlantic, Cisalpine, and is the opposite of “trans”. So a cisvestite is someone who dresses in the way society associates with their sex.
Also, on the theory that the business of psychiatry is to make every possible human behaviour trait into a disease, I coined the expression “isomania” - desire to fit in and be the same as other people rather than to develop one’s own personality, seen as a pathology.
Alarm cooking.
The reason my smoke detector uses 5 batteries a year.
In reference to uncool and/or newbie: “Oh, that is just SOOO AOL!”
PS “Deep kimchee” as a phrase is of Korean War vintage, refering to the pungent sauce. You probably heard your Dad say it.
And, of course, “When oral sex is outlawed, only outlaws will have girlfriends”
This reminds me of a friend who woud refer to “dooficity”–stupidity dumb enough to make you a doofus.
My boss coined “chipperish” when I was happy one day and just chattering on excitedly. So I called him a “hyphenatic” for his fanaticism to over-hyphenate.
#1 The one that leaps instantly to mind is the phrase my husband utters when he wants to tell someone to F**K OFF:
"Above me (holding hand above head as if to say, This high), and BELOW me (pointing at crotch). Say this one aloud if you don’t get it.
#2 When my dad taught me to read, I balked at the word “vacation” in the following passage:
Hooray, Hooray,
We’re on our way,
Our summer vacation starts today.
I said “Our summer curration starts today” and it stuck. A holiday is still called a curration in my family.
#3 My younger sister invented words left and right when she was young. The most common one was shum-shum, an insult still used today.
I’m sure I’ll think of more …
above me and BELOW me!!! That had me ROTFL, I intend to use it at the first possible oppurtunity.