What would Apollo drive?

I’ve seen a couple threads recently asking hypothetical questions about myths like vampires, zombies, and messiahs, and I guess they kinda nudged my thoughts in this directions. If the greek gods were still around, what would their level of technology be. Would Poseidon ride around in a submarine? Hermes in a Fed Ex truck, or maybe on a 10-speed? Would Apollo’s chariot be a '66 Mustang, a 2006 Lexus, or the Milleneum Falcon? Do they have guns? Computers? Holodecks?

O millions, what are your gods doing now?


Good one!

If we stick to real-world vehicles:

Zeus: Bentley tourer.
Hades: a hearse on land, but a supertanker at sea.
Poseidon: you called it, a sub. Maybe something like Alvin.
Apollo: a fighter jet - Typhoon - or an Aston Martin Vanquish.
Mars: Challenger tank or B52 bomber. He is god of war, after all.
Mercury: SR-71 Blackbird or a really hot Porsche.
Vulcan: a Bentley.
Dionysus: the back of a police car :D.

I read a fantastic book once that attempted to answer the question “how can modern neopagans connect with these Gods and Goddesses in a real way, as opposed to dressing up and playacting we’re in ancient times?” Pointed out that their energies are still all around us, just, as you infer, modernized.

Vulcan or Hephestus, the ancient god of smiths and metalworking, who was a dirty, unpleasant man with a temper that the rest of the gods didn’t get along with? Sounds like the guys on American Chopper to me! Look for him at metalshops, auto body shops, scrapyards, etc.

Looking for Nuit/Nut, the goddess of the starry night sky? Planetariums, of course!

“Saturn, the dour old God of TIme and Karma, has a special place at the IRS.” Got tax trouble? “Leaving offerings outside the door of the local IRS building is a good way to get him on your side.”

Ptah, the Egyptian god of work? He’s hanging around the vocational schools and union halls.

Ares/Mars can be found at military recruiting stations, martial arts schools and gyms.

Aphrodite and other love goddesses, of course, can be watching over the local make-out spot!

Anyway, I thought it was an interesting and thought provoking way to look at energies that transcend space and time and get the name “gods” slapped on them. YMMV.

(Oh, the book is The Urban Primitive, iffen you’re interested in such things.

I dunno - the way I see it, Apollo’s areas of interest and influence were the arts, and creativity in general. This overlapped with all sorts of other areas: romance; sex; fertility; manufacture; even war. I tend to think that Apollo would be driving a low number custom automobile that would do well to garner Him attention, such as this Phaeton. :smiley:


Clearly, a Pontiac Sunbird…

or a Colonial Viper Mk II


Zeus: Ford Lightnin’ sport truck
Hades: I agree, a Cadillac Hearse, definitely
Poseidon: either a sub, or the U.S.S. Enterprise or other similar aircraft carrier, it’s ocean based, yet allows him to spread his influence to land-based targets
Apollo: a Pontiac Sunbird or Colonial Viper Mk II (or maybe even a Dodge Viper)
Mars: M1A1 Abrams main battle tank
Mercury: SR-71 Blackbird (agreed) or a McLaren F1
Vulcan: It would not be logical to drive, captain :wink: something big, like one of those huge mega-dumptrucks filled with iron ore
Dionysus: a beer/wine/spirits delivery truck

Aphrodite would be chaffeured around in a stretch limo. There would be legends as to what all else was in the backseat area.

MacTech, AIUI, Poseidon was also the diety who was responsible for horses, and cavalry. I don’t see him as being likely to use either of the ships you mentioned. Instead he’s got a Tarawa-class Assault ship. And the associated MARG, and other ships as well, including a few subs. But the core, and his personal flag, is the Tarawa-class Assault ship.

For some reason, I’m imagining him on a Segway.

I think Dionysus would drive a golf cart, wearing a silk robe and swilling a martini, heckling the golfers.

Apollo would probably drive a burnt stick up Cerberus butt.

Hope that helps.

I agree with Ultrafilter Aphrodite/Venus would ride in a customized stretch limousine-painted cream, pink and red, heart shaped lights, velvet and satin interior.

Hermes/Mercury- No car. No plane. Just a hand made pair of Bruno Magli or Jimmy Chou running shoes-laces woven with virgin cotton and cloth of gold, sterling silver wings on the ankles.

Poseidon/Neptune-As he was also the god of earthquakes, his ride would have a killer sound system with more bass output than anything on earth.

Apollo- A customized military troop transport helicopter (the kind with fore and aft rotors). This would allow him to fly over the earth, as is his wont. To hover over dragons he wishes to battle, artists he wishes to inspire, or hot babes lying poolside. The copter would be painted in solar colors to reflect his aspect as a god of light, and his giant ego. The large interior of the copter is necessary to carry a retinue whose duty is to make music, poetry ect and tell Apollo how great he is.

Ares/Mars-Hummer. Although the god of war, he had a habit of running screaming from the battlefield at the least scratch. The hummer is the car of those who want to seem macho, but aren’t.

Athena-Also a Hummer. But, hers would be made to military specifications. It would also incorporate a state of the art computer system and a satelite dish (aimed at a series of dedicated satelites) capable of getting a broadband connection anywhere on the planet. A switch on the dashboard raises a screen on the tailgate, revealing her shield and turning tailgaters to stone. Her plates are from a series protecting the spotted owl.

Dionysus/Bacchus- Liquor delivery truck is a good guess. But, I say he’d drive a customized double decker bus. This way, he can always bring the party (including maenads) with him. The mahogany bar stocks every kind of booze known to man. His favorite beers are on tap. The upper level holds both an observation deck and a love lounge.

In Other Pantheons


Thor- An obnoxiously loud Harley. It’s been painted black and then had a gaudy lightning and storm clouds theme airbrushed on. The front fork features two large chrome goat heads.

Loki-Although very capable of changing shape and flying, Loki sometimes likes to blend in. His cars do tend to feature a two-tone black and red color scheme.

Frey-An offroad motorcycle with a golden scheme. A large boar’s head is mounted on the front fork. The entire bike has been treated so that mud and grime wash off effortlessly.

Odin-He’s also a trickster god and fond of disguises. His transport tends to be grey and to include a Tolkien reference.

Freya- Similar to Aphrodite’s. However, Freya is a nature goddess. The interior includes more wood and the seats are covered in luxurious furs. Freya is very fond of gold and jewels and the exterior is ornamented with more bling than you’ll see in a day of MTV. Freya is also leader of the Valkyries. The car is made of state of the art military composites. It looks like a celebrity limo, but even the windows can stand up to a grenade.

Bragi- An oldfashioned bookmobile.

Tyr- A dusty and dented Hummer, modified to allow for a one-handed driver.


Morrigan- A dusty and dented Hummer, all the mirrors have been adjusted so that she never sees her face.

Math Mathonwy- A richly appointed Bentley, chaufered by a beautiful virgin. The back seat is equipped with the best scanner in the world.

Balor-A beat up pick up. He rides in the bed, facing backwards just in case his eye opens.

Dianket-An ambulance with a souped up engine.


Fu Xing-The Batmobile. (Fu Xing is a god happiness and sometimes appears as a bat)

Hotei-An ice cream truck (Hotei is also a god of happiness and depicted as carrying a sack of toys which he distributes to children)

Kwan Yin-A semi. The trailer has been heavily modified and is now a mobile obstetrics and gynecology center.

The Seven Gods Of Happiness- Kwan Yin and the rest jointly own a luxury yacht made in the style of a junk. The bridge contains an ATM holding unlimited currency of all denominations. The boat has a stealth system centuries ahead of any other, advanced enough to render it invisible.

Mercury wouldn’t drive a Mercury?

And Apollo woudn’t drive a Buick Apollo?

Aztec (may also include Inca, Maya, Toltec, and Olmec)

Virakocha/Quetzacoatl/etc-A jaguar (painted seafoam for Viracocha), the exterior is adorned with colorful feathers. The hood ornament is jade. The interior is also ornamented with jade. (Virakocha was said to have risen from the sea and had a cloak of seafoam. The related deities were all described as a ‘feathered serpent’ often with the face of a jaguar. Jade was sacred to many of the Aztec gods)

Xipe Totec-A car that has been sanded down to the primer, and had the peeled strips of paint from another car taped onto it. (Xipe Totec worship involved flaying a victim and dressing in their skin)

Tlaloc- A tanker truck. The tank has been divided into (IIRC) 4 compartments-good water, frost, plant rot, and plague. (Tlaloc was the rain god. Those were the 4 types of rain he carried with him in jars)

Tlazolteotl-A garbage truck. The cab has been modified and expanded to allow her to service clients there. (The priestesses of Tlazolteotl were required to be prostitutes and only eat food others had thrown out)

I think they’d be a bit slow for him.

We really have to wonder what Apollo would ride? :wink:

Ok, lots of idea’s here. For Apollo, I’m going with the new Dodge Hemi Trucks, with trailer hitch, since he has to pull the freakin sun, man. It seems the general consensus is that the gods are stuck with our tech level, no future cars, space ship, etc.

I’m glad some of you have also touched on other pantheons, Norse, Egyptian, etc. So to take this to its logical conclusion, WWJD? (What Would Jesus Drive)


Cthulhu will drive men mad.


Poseidon is known as the “Earth shaker”. He also tends to live underwater, not just on water. Thus, it must be a missile submarine, a boomer. I nominate the Russian Typhoon class. That’s about as big and bad as it gets.

He’d ride a Phaethon, of course.

He’s a god. He’d keep it from crashing.