What would be worse?
If George Lucas wrote and directed the next Trek film
or
If Berman/Braga wrote and directed the next Star Wars film.
What sort of Trek movie would George make? Where would Berman take Star Wars?
That’s easy. Lucas could make a movie that made the Voyager series seem terrific. Wesley Crusher would be the lead and he’d have an affair with a shape shifter (oh, wait, that happened already). It’d probably have V-Ger in it. Somehow the Tribbles would save the Universe.
Well, the furries would love it. 
Stranger
Captain Jar-Jar of the Starship Gungaprise. His continuing mission, to bumble about in space, to boldly crash into asteroids that no Gungan has crashed into before.
After many childhood heroics, Wesley Crusher joins the Dominion and helps the Founders conquer the Federation. Jake Sisko becomes an unlikely hero as he uses his journalistic skills to win victories for the ragtag fleet of Federation ships and their allies still remaining. Writing and publishing many biting satiric articles, he uses the powers of the farce to strike blows for the rebellion, as they struggle against the crushing power of the Dominion.
Boba Fett’s second generation clone, Baby Fett, goes back in time to save his father from accidentally getting knocked into the sarlaac’s pit by the temporarily blinded Han Solo, thus saving him and his rabid fanboys from future generations of embarrassment.
Emporer Palpatine, while falling to his presumed death in “Jedi”, uses little known Sith powers to send himself back in time to the birth of the republic, where he uses his hindsight to solidify his hold on Darth Vader’s soul, so that all traces of good are removed from him. In the alternate timeline, the original Death Star is not destroyed, and the rebels are eradicated. Future Luke, sensing the disturbance in the Past Force, sends himself back in time to combat the changes in the time line.
Baby Fett, in the meantime, goes back further in time and kills Jar-Jar. Praise and admiration is heaped on him by the multitudes, and he is made emporer. Luke, Vader, and Palpatine’s struggle becomes a minor nuisance in the newly formed empire.
Somewhere, looming in the distance, is the big… RESET button.
And then, in an ending worthy of Blazing Saddles, hordes of angry Klingon warriors would exact horrible vengeance on George Lucas for preventing the final extinction of all tribbles everywhere.
There is a special place in hell for you now.
Although they would, of course, have to be plays.
“You’re all clear kid, now let’s reroute the power through the main deflector dish and go home.”
I wonder how the tribble song would go?
Yoda would have to be recast into one of the supporting roles that are now empty in the Trek series. Which do you think works better?
A Jedi Knight, not, a doctor, I am, dammit.
Take it, I dinna think, the engines can.
On the plus side, if the Star Trek aliens looked more like the Star Wars aliens, Trip would probably spend more time working on the engines and less time offering backrubs.
It’d be worse for Lucas to make a Trek film. Because I don’t care that much about Star Wars so I wouldn’t be too put out if they came out with another crappy one. Whereas I do care about Star Trek, and I’d be really upset if they came out with another crappy one of those. Also, Brannon Braga is a good writer, he just can’t write Star Trek, so his S’Wars movie would be better than Lucas’s Trek movie, all things being equal. Which of course they aren’t, because one’s Trek, and the other’s just Star Wars.
–Cliffy
Hard to say.
About half the Star Wars films have been good and half have been shit(TPM) to not as good(AOTC, ROTJ), but the Star Trek films have been more then 50% not as good(1,3,7,) to complete crap(5,9,10), and even though I like both universes for various reasons, ST has a worse track record at this point.
Personally, I’d like to see Lucas fight the Dynamic Duo (Braga/Berman) to the death. Lightsabers versus B’athleths.
I’m usually the first to suggest that adjusting-the-phase-distortion-fields-to-initiate-a-quantum-feedback-loop-in-the-power-grid will beat S-foils-locked-in-attack-position, but a lightsaber’ll slip through a bat’leth like it was hot butter.
Anyway, let’s transpose a couple of Bergama’s and Lucas’s ugliest respective fuckups, shall we?
Lucas writes it into First Contact that warp drive is made possible by the presence of microorganisms that colonize dilithium crystals, and that Zefram Cochrane was born with the ability to communicate with them to learn how to achieve interstellar travel. It’d have to be a stupid portmanteau of two things that already exist in matter… prolectons, let’s say.
Bergama’s remake of Sith would have Admiral Ackbar play out the Clone Wars using the staticky, blue projection mechanism of an R2 unit. With renewed resolve, he stops the program and assumes command of the assault on Death Star II just as Anakin leaps at Obiwan despite the latter’s warning that he “has the higher ground.” That it was Ackbar all along isn’t revealed until after the cutaway.
Tough choice, isn’t it?
I am not going to post in this thread.
Boldly, to go
Where not been has any Jedi
Yet…
I’d bring in Joss Whedon and Ronald D. Moore to “reset” Lucas and the Bergama.
Or maybe just annihilate them.
Okay, but I couldn’t think of a good comparison. Vibroblade vs. Bat’leth?
I think the vibroblade would still be superior. The novels present them as being kind of a poor man’s lightsaber. A Bat’leth is just a Klingon sword, right? The SW equivalent would be a old-fashioned metal saber, or some other melee weapon.
Maybe we could put the Klingon up against one of those pig-guys from Jabba’s palace (Gammoreans?)
As for Lucas vs. Bergama, that a tough one. Neither is very good at respecting continuity, but at least Lucas tried to tie up most of his loose ends, whereas it’s been obvious for a long time that B&B just can’t be bothered. So I’ll tentatively lean towards Lucas.
Just how would they make Mobey Dick refrences in a Star Wars setting?
But at least Obi-Wan would be getting some serious action with that t’wliek chick.
Have him play an instrument in that bar band.
“Daddy-O! The cool cat was really WHALING on that horn!”
“Nah, that was just a fluke.”
Since Berman/Braga do it with every villain species (Klingon, Romulan, Cardassian, etc.) we’d learn that the Sith are actually a noble race with an admirable value system and that when they go home after killing Jedi they read their children bedtime stories.