What would happen if a stranger gave me $200 million?

So I come home from work to find that somebody has left two hundred million dollars in my living room, stacked on several pallets in $100, $50 and $20 denominations. On top of one of the stacks of money is an envelope containing a letter printed on a generic brand of paper, in generic type, using a very generic printer. It says, basically, “This money is yours to do with as you wish. Do not ask why I am giving it to you. Do not ask who I am. You will not find answers to either question.”

It is, of course, left unsigned.

So what should I do with the money? If I reported the donation to the police, would they confiscate it, thinking that I had acquired it illegally? If they cannot link the bill numbers to any recent bank robberies, or the money itself to any illegal activities, are they going to keep the money anyway, thinking that I am lying about how I received it? What about other government agencies? Am I doomed to spend the rest of my life being investigated? Can they actually imprison me?

And if I wanted to forgo telling the police or FBI, what are my options? I want to spend the maximum amount of money, and use it to enjoy myself to the fullest. How much money can I spend before people begin to grow suspicious, and that suspicion leads to my arrest? Am I restricted to spending only a tiny fraction of the money, supplementing my income only a little, so that I’m more comfortable, but by no definition wealthy?

What are the chances that I’m able to fly out of the country carrying more than $10,000? Is there any way, beside flying, to leave the country with all of the money so that I can settle somewhere where I’m able to spend it?

I don’t trust cops for even small amounts. I found a wallet with $50.00 in it and a TCF card.

I thought about turning it into the cops, but what’s to stop them from taking it and just keeping the money and saying it was found.

So I went to TCF and talked with the manager, who agreed to pass a message on to the TCF card holder. I told her to call me. She did and identified the wallet and we met and I returned it to her.

I suspect a lot of these “rare” items on eBay and Amazon are for money laundering. You put up an auction for a rare item say a rare CD for $2,000 then using your found money you bid on it. You pay yourself in money orders you take out from the post office.

Why go to the police? It’s not lost… someone apparently gave it to you.

I would document exactly what happened, use a neighbor as an eye witness and hire a tax attorney to figure out how to report it to the authorities legally. Once you pay the enormous tax that would be due you can spend it however you see fit.

Do not go to the police. Instead come directly to me. For a small fee, ($20M or so) I will be more than happy to advise you.

  1. Put it in the basement
  2. Start a church
  3. Get a cable access time slot
  4. Preach
  5. Donate lots of money to yourself

Are there states that tax the recipients of gifts? (The federal government doesn’t. The federal gift tax, in this case, would be owed by the stranger. Although I’m not sure if they can come after the gift if they can’t find the person who gave it.)

You may be right. I was thinking of someone who wins the lottery having to pay tax, but since it’s a gift perhaps there is no tax due. Wouldn’t that be nice…

I think you can only gift someone 11 or 12k where you wouldn’t have to pay taxes on it, so anything above that would be taxed, right? But the IRS page on gift taxes seems to say that the donor is responsible for the taxes unless the donee wishes to do it instead, so maybe there are no taxes due. Best bet is to check with one’s attorney to make sure you aren’t breaking any kind of laws.

Or buy a car wash.

They can figure out you are not making it washing cars by your lack of water consumption.

There are a few famous IRS cases involving laundromats getting busted that way.

You could start an espresso stand a make it wildly successful through fake purchases, you would have to buy a lot of cups, sleeves, lids and coffee and then throw them out or donate them to the needy but they would be tax deductible. An extra 500 mochas a day would generate some cash, but you are still paying taxes.

On top of that a good percentage of your day to day spending should be in cash, saving your legitimized money for larger purchases.

I wonder if the investigators ever put together tables of cash vs. debit/credit card purchases for given areas and types of businesses? If every espresso stand in the area was doing about 60% of their business with debit/credit cards and you were doing 20% but making lots of cash, it would look pretty suspicious regardless of the clientele.

My plan…
Gamble alot.

Go to Las Vegas, lots of dealers and cashiers don’t even blink at $10K+ transactions. Buy $10K in chips, play a bit, lose $1K, cash out. Lather rinse repeat. Pick casinos owned by different parent companies, different one every day.

Pick up your 1099G’s and claim you are a self employed professional gambler, with a pile of 1099’s to back your story. Claim you made (insert reasonable amount based on your lifestyle) and lost (amount on 1099)

Pay taxes appropriately.

Plan B

Reality show/fancy nightclubs
Give Fresno its own “Jersey Shore” Following a cross section of local hotties through their otherwise lame ass lives.

The money flying around such productions is insane and going to be a nightmare to track who paid what to who and when especially at start up. With "appearance " payments from clubs and events, autograph parties, fees to “hang” with the celebs…etc, etc.

Build a secure room in the basement of the barn, stack it in there. Put up ads on the various job bulletin boards for housecleaning jobs. Report an income that would result from working as a char at $25 an hour figuring 3 2 hour jobs a day [to allow for travel time, lunch and such] 5 days a week. That would let you have an income of $15000 a year[allows for a couple weeks of vacation time not making money as a char], and you can add in a reasonable amount around Christmas for bonuses and tips, say 15 tips at anywhere from $50 to $150. Right there is call it $17500 income that you pay taxes on. That would let you take 1 nice vacation a year somewhere. You also buy basic common groceries on your debit card using your store shopper card, and you get the expensive luxury stuff at a different store paid in cash and no shoppers card. You buy the basic electronics on debit card, and expensive stuff in cash. You take a moderate amount of spending money out of the regular bank account and report it, you sneak along a few thousand spending money in cash and exchange it overseas. You can probably get away with making a couple extra house and car payments around income tax return time using your tax returns.

Or you could buy nice boat, load the cash up in one of the cabins, and head to somewhere with liberal banking laws and deposit it. US customs usually doesn’t search boats leaving the country. If you don’t bother mentioning that you aren’t coming back, no exit taxes :smiley:

What’s the obsession with trying to hide the money from the IRS? Tax rates today aren’t really that high, and you’ll be left with probably over 100 million and a clear conscience. Plus the IRS knows what to look for. Remember this bit from the movie Say Anything…?

I don’t think there is a likelihood to be imprisoned. On what charge? Failure to explain a windfall? They have to suspect you of a specific illegal action (drug dealing, pimping, illegal gambling, robbery, fraud) to charge you. There would probably be a time period during which the authorities tried to investigate exactly what happened and seek an order preventing you from spending it but sooner or later (if you have a half awake lawyer) a Court will say, hey, let him have the money, you got nothing on the guy.

I’d think such a stupendous amount in cash currency would be an absolute PITA for a regular honest citizen to normalize undetected. You can’t take out a loan for a car, house, or business start it if you don’t show proof of legit income or assets i.e. if your moolah is not in a bank or investment account or already converted into some legit thing to put up for collateral; and if you buy a fancy car or a house cash-on-the-spot with a briefcase full of 100s the salesman will presume you’re a drug dealer or the biggest pimp in town – but the real rub is that upon paying the taxes for that transaction, you may end up cross-flagged with the income tax department. Also, upon opening bank accounts you have to provide your taxpayer number (either your personal SSN or your business’ Employer Number) and under current banking laws you will probably trigger flags if there are a lot of transactions (including account openings at different institutions) that are each under the 10K threshold but together add up to large total values.
Also, since the donor has chosen to remain anonymous and is probably seeking to remain unidentified, it’s entirely possible that the tax authorities may claim that this should not be classed as a “gift” but rather a “windfall” to hold you responsible. I would not fight it: have your cut and sign here that we’re settled and I’m clear, T-man.

So I shouldn’t be worried about the police (or whomever) seizing the money? What about cases like these, where the police seized considerable amounts of money simply because it could have been obtained illicitly? Is that much money – $200 million in paper bills – not going to be seen as incredibly suspicious? I can’t give an adequate explanation as to why I was given the money, nor can I tell who gave it to me.

EDIT: I guess my main concerns are for any legal mechanisms that would allow the money to be confiscated.

Even if law enforcement believes your story, they will still be suspicious of the money’s provenance, and work very hard to figure out just who gave you the money, and why. While not claiming you committed any crimes, they will be constantly digging into your life and associates trying to get answers, probably slapping you with subpoena after subpoena for this, that and the other thing. You better get a good lawyer.

I’m not sure that would fly (did I mention you better get a good lawyer?). However, the IRS, too, would be keenly interested in the identity of your benefactor because they want to be sure he paid the gift tax, assuming the money was his to legally give away in the first place. When law enforcement wasn’t pestering you, they would be.

BTW, another stray thought - how did he put the money in your living room? He’s guilty of B&E. The money is evidence.

I hope the OP isn’t holding his breath for this situation to actually happen. :smiley:

No, but I am leaving my front door unlocked. Just in case.