$210 is alot of money. I would make it work. Lighten up, get a sense of humor about it… but still communicate your issues in a friendly way. Use this as a way to grow and become more patient. If he was making you late, it would be unacceptable. I would:
Control my mind and learn to not be so irritated. Meditate. Read.
Influence him. Be kind. Who knows what is going on his life. Don’t be judgemental.
Appreciate the money you can save.
I hate relying on other people in general. People will let you down. Learn to deal with it. Learn appreciation.
Strangely enough, it is always between 3 and 8 minutes. It’s never been 2 and it’s never been 9. I guess he figures 3 is on time, and 9 is late. I’m not kidding.
I can’t seem to get an answer to this question: what is wrong with telling him outright that you are really pissed when he is consistently late? Why all the consideration for someone who is showing no consideration to you? Maybe there is a good reason. Maybe he’s an armed psychopath. I’d just like to hear the reason. Thank you.
That doesn’t actually surprise me - my guess is that he has his morning routine down so that it gets him there between three and eight minutes late.
Three to eight minutes does sound like a very small deal to make a big deal out of, but I know how it is with traffic - leave at 7:00, hit no traffic. Leave at 7:05, deal with a massive traffic jam. I think that’s how you need to explain it to him - 6:30 is the time that you want to start driving, because that’s the time that works best. Not 6:33, not 6:38 - 6:30.
Maybe there’s some truth to the old trope that Canadians are generally a polite bunch of people. Seriously. The axiom must have sprung from somewhere. I seriously feel bad about being confrontational over 3 minutes here, 8 minutes there, although it causes me grief.
Hang tight till tomorrow. Maybe I’ll go Dr. Robert Bruce Banner on him. Especially since we work at a nuclear facility.
Lots of people don’t feel comfortable being this direct with someone. Why? Just plain ole’ human nature.
In this particular instance (not that Late Guy is this way, but all of us have experienced this enough to know that this is how these things end up sometimes), Late Guy could be miffed enough over being “scolded” that Oh SURE, he’s on time from now on, but from then on, there’s an icy discomfort in the car. LateGuy could take to making constant snarky little comments to let it be known just how badly he “was treated” and so on.
And as leaffan says, there are no other choices for car pool mates, so they’d pretty much be stuck dealing with this “elephant” in the room of LateGuy’s unspoken crankiness over being scolded, if they want to continue to try and save money that is.
I’m not saying that all that IS what is going to happen, but again, in situations like this, the outcome can be ugly enough that people do try to avoid conflict at all costs.
This guy is making you chronically late for work in a time where jobs are hard to come by and you’re worried about what he thinks? Screw that. I have the most laid-back, wonderful boss in the world but if I showed up to work 8 minutes late EVERY day, there’d eventually be a sit-down and I’d be told to either shape up or adjust my starting work time.
Sit him down and - nicely - explain that you’re tired of being late for work every day because of his tardiness and from now on you’re leaving at 6:30 whether he’s there or not.
THEN DO IT. Say nothing to him when you do, just go to work, go home, show up the next day at 6:30. If he’s there, he can ride. If he’s not, he can drive himself. Once he starts feeling the financial pinch, he’ll get his shit together.
Being chronically late is a habit, not an inborn trait you can do nothing about, and these people CAN change if forced to.
Anyway, the thing is I can be late. I don’t have to be here at any exact time, but I do have to put in 8 hours and 10 minutes. There’s some flexibility, but I can’t get here 10 minutes late and leave 10 minutes early to beat the traffic. I prefer to get here 10 minutes early and leave 10 minutes early.
I agree with the rest, but one other little thing to do might be to check that his watch/phone shows the same time as yours. I was baffled for a while when my daughter’s primary school kept marking her in as late, until I went in the school office and saw that their clock was set 9 minutes later than mine (which I had set by the speaking clock and checked when I got home that day). If he’s so consistently three minutes late then perhaps it’s something as simple as his clock telling him he is on time when he arrives then.
He has an iPhone and a Blackberry, both synced accordingly. The clock in his car is set 5 minutes late! Presumably because he knows he has this chronic problem and is trying to trick himself into being on time. (He knows it’s set 5 minutes late.)
FWIW, it’s possible to be direct while simultaneously being diplomatic, although I recognize that this can still be difficult. A few years ago a tire-mounting shop damaged my rims and I didn’t notice until I got home. The next day I went back and directly-but-diplomatically made my case that they needed to repair or replace my rims. I was completely in the right, and yet I was uncomfortable to the point that my voice was quavering. However the alternative was to drive around on hacked-up rims, so I went ahead and asserted myself, and they made things right for me.
Likewise for Leaffan, the alternative to a direct-but-diplomatic confrontation is to continue arriving at work later than desired. If he goes ahead with the confrontation, there’s a chance his carpool mate will get pissy about it. It’s risk-versus-reward, and the alternative is to maintain the status quo; I guess Leaffan gets to make the choice which way he wants to go. He doesn’t need to go into detail about how pissed he’s getting over the whole affair; it’s enough to say (during the first notice) that he would like to get to work on time so he can leave on time. If lateness continues for another week with no change, then a second notice gets issued with more annoyance, and a threat to begin departing at exactly 6:30.
There’s a possibility that confrontation (especially one that requires making good on a threat to leave without him at 6:30) will result in a disbanding of the carpool. That’s another risk, though probably a small one.
TL;DR: confrontation/escalation should be diplomatic, but still carries a small risk of social discomfort and possible added dollar expense due to disbanding of carpool. OP needs to weigh this against his dissatisfcation with the status quo when deciding whether to confront chronically tardy carpool mate.
I still don’t see why he can’t just make a general “I’m not pointing any fingers at any particular person” kind of announcement that addresses the issue without causing any ill will. There’s no need to wait until the next time he’s 8 minutes late either. Actually, I think it’s better if you don’t wait until then, because then he’ll take it less defensively. Positive reenforcement works better than criticism anyway.
“Hey I was thinking…in the future could we all try to be here at exactly 6:30 am? That way none of us have to wait unnecessarily and we can leave work early, before rushover gridlock sets in. *This morning was great because everyone got here at almost the same time. *If we could repeat this every morning, think about how much time we could save! What do you all think?”
Or something to that effect. I’m the least confrontational person on the planet, but going this approach seems safe to me.
LateGuy doesn’t sound like a jerk. He sounds like a guy who isn’t as punctual as he should be. Taking his time management sloppiness personally is exactly what you should not do unless you want a big blow out scene.
Most people, I think, wouldn’t mind 3 mins. But consistently 5-8mins is definitely too much. And it’s clear he’s not getting your message.
Just be really, really honest. Turns out you’re a bit more of an anal freak about being exactly on time, than you realized. If this is going to work he’ll have to be at the curb, ready to go, at the time specified, everytime. Otherwise your blood pressure rises and it ruins the start to your day. You’ve tried to gently hint to him, but that hasn’t worked. You really want this to work, as it’s beneficial to both of you. But you fear it won’t as the ‘always, slightly, not on time’ thing is wearing on your last nerve.
Don’t let him respond, just ask him to think about what you’ve said overnight. The next morning you both will have had a chance to consider whether the savings you each enjoy, in time and money, are worth any inconvenience.
And, for goodness sake, be very upfront about your anal on time ways to any future carpoolers. It’s not unreasonable, of course, but being really honest will save everyone a lot of grief in future.