I know I’m late to this but even though I’d be just as annoyed at someone for being consistantly late, I’d probably just try and make up the time by driving a little faster. If you’re driving 100 miles, it’s not going to take much to make up a few minutes.
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Is this thing on?
Thats what I do - if they are late - stuff them 
Changing ingrained behavior requires immediate, consistent feedback. I would recommend a version of the old “Curse Jar.” That’s where a group of people who may have noticed a growth in the use of bad words among them put a jar at the center of the table and require themselves/each other to put a dollar in any time a curse word slips out. It is a remarkably effective solution, and provides an immediate opportunity for light, joking, confrontation of the slip.
Day care providers in my area use a similar method to address parents who are late for pick-up. Generally it’s $20 for the first five minutes and $1 per minute thereafter. Some as much as $5 per minute.
I’d suggest that you all agree to put $1 in the jar for every minute you are late - perhaps $2 for each minute over five?
hth
I think Post 47 was meant to address this question. . .
I’m an early person. My husband is a late person. In his mind, if I were to say 6:30am, 6:39 IS still 6:30. That’s just how his brain works. I always have to give him an earlier time like 6:20 to get him there on time.
I had this exact situation happen, only the person was a regular 10-15 minutes late. It’s frustrating because you make the effort to meet and get to your destination, but the one person wastes time, while potentially causing everyone else to be late, on top of this. We were coworkers and the office did watch the clock, so this had direct bearing on our professional lives.
Myself? I decided to say something, and expressed that it was only courteous to be on time, if the carpool thing was going to work-- tactfulness was in the approach. Indirect methods such as texting to say I’m leaving, or that I’d be there in 5, didn’t work.
They were a bit salty at first, but having been consistently late, while trying to honor a commitment, they had no real room to argue. They ended up adjusting their schedule to be more considerate of our time, and on a personal level, they eventually got over it.
IMHO, there’s way too many jerks on this board.
You have a minor irritation with a guy who is chronically late. Do you:
a) make a few subtle hints and when they’re missed explode and leave him behind with no warning?
OR
b) state plainly and kindly that it’s important that he’s on time for various reasons important to you and that you’d appreciate it if he made a greater effort to be on time?
Most folks seem to prefer (a). What’s wrong with a little communication folks?
I, too, am super-irritated by chronically late people, but I don’t sit there and stew about it. I let them know that I find it disrespectful and that it creates problems in my life. That’s usually enough.
If (b) doesn’t work, I like the upthread idea of introducing penalties for lateness. Not douchy things like being left behind or having to pay for gas, but maybe not being able to pick the radio station or having to bring coffee for everybody or something. Keep it light, you have to spend HOURS with these people every week.
But mostly, state plainly and KINDLY that it’s important to you that everybody be on time for good reasons. And that you’re really bothered that people aren’t making more of an effort to be on time.
I for one made no mention of ‘subtle hints’ and I don’t recall anyone advising “exploding”.
And most people clearly mentioned warnings before anyone was left behind.
You might find that it helps to argue from people’s actual positions.
Leaving Mr. Late behind isn’t a punishment, it’s a self-protective measure. It’s not “you deserved to be left in the dust, asshole,” it’s “sorry, I really needed to get to work on time.”
And if he can’t be made to arrive on time, lotsa luck getting him to bring coffee. “Oops, I forgot again, I’ll get it next time…”
It’s a very busy highway that’s 2 lanes for 80% of the drive. There are (let’s see) 7 spots with passing lanes along the way, 6 sets of traffic lights, and a lot of truck traffic. It’s really difficult to make up 8 minutes along the way unless you want to drive like a maniac.
There’s probably an average of one fatality a month on this stretch of the highway.
Here’s a story:
Oops. Sorry my sweeping statement clearly labelled as my opinion didn’t meet your high standards of debate.
You may find it helpful to not take opinions personally.
This is exactly the sort of kneejerk incivility that I was speaking to.
Or “Sorry I’m late, but I had to get the coffee”.
Really, we had these threads before and for the life of me I don’t understand chronic lateness. It’s just plain inconsiderate.
Exactly. I would be totally embarrassed if I was late every single day. This is why I’m on time every single day!
Same here. Twenty years at the same job, and other than times that I have planned on being late, I’ve been on time every single morning.
Now I understand that it’s way more complicated for people with kids, but for the most part I just don’t see why some people find it so hard, when in fact it’s very easy.
I used to do some group motorcycle rides. People being late at the start was a problem. We fixed that. A couple helpful ideas we used:
Do not schedual for 6:00 or 6:30, or even 6:15. When people hear such, they instinctively translate that to “about a quarter after 6” or “somewhere around 6:30-ish.” Instead schedual for 6:28. or 6:17. This lets people know you are not rounding to the nearest half hour, or 15 minutes, or even 5 minutes, and you really mean exactly that time.
Next, leave within one minute of on schedule no matter what, no matter who is there or not there, or still pumping gas or standing in line at the register to buy beef jerky. Not that this applies directly to your carpool situation, but by waiting, you are encouraging the behavior. IME it takes being left behind once, or at most twice, before people either clue up or find someone else to wait for their sorry asses. It took me just one time. SWMBO never did get it. I solved this by stating the required time about 1/2 hour earlier, usually getting us there with 5 minutes or so to spare.
As opposed to your own…
Didn’t read the thread but I have been this guy before. Having been on that side of the coin, here’s what I would do:
-
Casually make sure everyone’s watches and other timekeeping devices are synched. It happens. I know we all have cell phones which almost always agree on network time, but I trained myself into relying on a wristwatch before I regularly carried my cell phone.
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Mention it to him politely. He may think you just don’t care that he’s five minutes late. Point out the issue about going into traffic with the 3,000 other occupants.
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If he still doesn’t respond, chew him out. I am grateful for the times that people have chewed me out about being late (and I deserved it). It’s a boorish habit, and looking back I am happy with the trade of having to take some social discomfort in order to get my act together and break it.
Any way you can enlist your boss in this? Ask for permission to get your daily 8 hours and 10 minutes in over a couple days. Then indicate that you are leaving work ON TIME no matter when you arrive. You will need to get to work very early the next day to compensate for the missed minutes. Perhaps having to arrive at the car pool spot very early the next day might have an impact. I suspect it might take several cumulative days to make the point…
A few general comments:
(1) I am of the “early is on time; on time is late” school. Habitual lateness is the height of rudeness.
(2) We had a thread a while back on this topic, and one poster insisted that he was constitutionally unable to change his tardy ways. But you know what? Eventually he saw what we were saying and decided that he could. If I weren’t half in a cold-medicine-induced fog, I’d dig up the link.
(3) About a month ago, I was leader of a group participating in an event a few hours away. Everyone was all supposed to have hotel rooms the night before in one city, and then we needed to leave early the next morning and drive in one vehicle (mine) about an hour to where the event was held. (Don’t ask why we didn’t stay there; it was illogical and not relevant here.) As the group leader, I was clear to everyone that we were leaving on the dot of 6 am. Well, we had one person known to be a flake (AND with a lateness habit) who ended up not getting a hotel room; instead she was going to get up in the middle of the night and meet us there at 6 am. (This after having tried and failed to GET A RIDE at the last minute, because she hates driving.) But she got pissy when I advised her to make sure she had a good map (meaning: don’t get lost) and plan to arrive at 5:45 am to allow for loading time, etc., and reiterated that departure would be at 6 am with or without her. Eventually she decided she was “ill” and would stay home. Her parting shot was that she would have been “soooo disappointed” if she had arrived five minutes late and gotten left behind. To me this says that she still had zero respect for the deadline and expected us to wait for her. Fortunately we had a great time (probably a better time) without her.
So I’m of the mind that leaving him behind a time or two (with adequate warning) will get the message across.