I do remember some previous threads – especially the guy who said we were all oppressing him with our linear notions of “time” – but I don’t recall a guy who said he could not be on time but then ultimately agreed it was both possible and useful to be on time. Now I’m curious!
10 minutes late 60 times is 10 hours of your life you are never getting back, and you mention that leaving late from work also adds time to your commute back home, so even if the added time is also only 10 minutes you are looking at 20 hours of your life spent waiting on this guy every 3 months or so. you might mention it to him like that, some people just need the math presented to them in a big picture kind of way.
People that are chronically late don’t care about the numbers, as long as the numbers are in their favor. As has been said before, people that are chronically late believe that their time is more important than yours is.
Give the late guy two warnings, and when he does not show again (which will happen) leave with out him.
I had one friend who was chronically late all the time 15-20 minutes. I gave up complaining and just showed up 15 minutes later to the agreed time. If I said we’ll meet at 6:15 I’d show up for 6:30 sure enough he had just gotten there or showed up a couple of minutes later.
Ironically, I think with him he didn’t like waiting around for people. :rolleyes:
Regular methodical lateness is simply an act of passive aggression.
Ask him whether he would prefer to just slap you in the face once a month to get his “I’m the boss” vibe going.
I have to say that all this talk about about how every single chronic late person is a passive aggressive jerk who all think “their time is more valuable than yours” is beyond ridiculous. OK, it pisses you off, but you don’t have to ascribe evil motives to it to make your anger feel more valid. Some people are just a little scatter brained, ffs.
They aren’t “evil motives.” The chronically late person probably has no idea why they are doing it. And it doesn’t matter if someone is chronically late if no-one complains about it. I have some friends that are often late (or sometimes fail to show) but I don’t care and haven’t raised the issue, other than in jest.
However “just a little scatter brained” is hardly an adequate explanation for an ongoing system of behaviour that annoys and inconveniences others and continues despite requests to moderate it. The behaviour itself has no primary gain - it isn’t as if the guy doing it derives some actual benefit by being late. And it is easily overcome if he cares to stop inconveniencing and pissing off other people. It’s hardly a life altering change being asked of him.
So the problem is that you simply don’t know what passive aggressive means, then?
Well said. Or in other words to those that are always late. Bullshit. There is NO excuse to always being late other than you believe that your time is more important than those that you keep waiting.
No, it’s not well said. You just agree that late people are annoying. And selfish. And passive aggressive.
Well, what would you call it? Those that hurt you and don’t care. Those that mess up your life for the advance of their own. What do you call it?
Exactly. Frankly, it sounds more like someone who can’t bear the thought of changing the time to 6:20 and risking having to wait a few minutes by arriving at 6:20 and leaving at 6:30 is the one with a problem here. Spend ten minutes reading a book, listening to music, meditating, etc. instead of working yourself into a frothy rage!
Probably different things for different people. You can’t honestly think that ALL chronically late people are ALL doing it because they are selfish jerks. You don’t think some people are late because they promise too much to too many people? Scatterbrains who look up and say “OMG! That’s the time?”. There’s plenty of jerks but there’s plenty of other types too.
Yes.
Anyone can look up once in a while and say “OMG, that’s the time?”. If it happens frequently or every day , it’s a different issue.In my experience, it’s usually that the late person is (perhaps unconsciously) selfish - it’s almost the opposite of this
as it seems that the chronically late person usually can’t bear the thought of possibly arriving early and having to wait. And I say that because whenever I’ve been in a conversation with a a chronically late person where I say something like " If the bus you’re taking (or heavy traffic , being stuck behind a garbage truck , etc) makes you ten minutes late three times a week , then you need to take an earlier bus (leave ten minutes earlier)" the response is always something like " But then I’ll be ten minutes early " as if that were the end of the world.
But yes , there are scatterbrains who frequently look up and say " OMG, that's the time?" And why is that? In at least one or two threads, people have described being ready to leave their house 10 or 15 minutes early and *then* starting to do something that causes them to lose track of time. Because they'd rather risk being late and wasting the other person's time instead of wasting 10 minutes of their own doing nothing. And again, this may not be conscious.
So instead of expecting my well educated, mature companion to understand the meeting time, I should suggest an earlier time and then be prepared to wait in the cold, in the dark, for up to ten minutes for him to arrive so we can begin our commute.
In what way does this make any sense? We’re both educated professionals, and the fact that I’m on time every day, and he’s never on time is the crux of the matter.
I’m pissed off that he can never be on time. Well, except for last Friday when he was only one minute late.
Another thought:
Does he have a young child at home by any chance? Fathers of young children tend to be a bit protective of their well being. “Bob, the next time you are late I’m gonna break one of Timmy’s cute little fingers”. Of course, you’ll need the resolve to carry through on it. Empty threats and all that.
Well, “expecting” something that never happens seems quite irrational, actually.
You’re in your car, why is it cold and dark? Just relax for a few, it sounds like you need it. Take ten minutes for yourself. Have a coffee, eat a snack, do a tiny fun thing… It’s within your power not to stew and rage, and far easier to change than another person’s lateness.
The problem with making people pay a penalty for their lateness is it makes them feel like they can be late if they’re willing to pay the price. Daycares have trouble with this because the parents feel like it’s part of the negotiated rate schedule when they’re charged the late fee.
Just tell the guy that he needs to arrive earlier. It’s not that hard to do it in a way that won’t piss him off.
On Monday I’m going to prepare a text message that says “I’m leaving. Bye.” And at exactly 6:33, assuming he’s not there, I will hit enter, and I will leave.