What would you do if you saw a Big Foot?

Completely hypothetical, as I am stuck home with a bad, bad cold for the next few days. I have a doc apt tomorrow. I’m bored out of my congested skull. But have always wondered this….

What would you do if you saw a Big Foot? Or call it what you may, a completely new species of hominid type animal covered in fur.

It’s not a bear, it’s not a guy in a monkey suit. You where up close and personal enough to it to know it’s something new.

You have no proof other than your sighting. Say it approached your car on the lonely road that serves your house.

Who would you tell? Anyone?

  1. I would tell my Wife, just for safety sake. She knows that I am not prone to exaggeration. But I would not tell anyone else. I would be dismissed as a fool.

  2. I would look for evidence, but as I’m not a tracker, I doubt I could find anything. (and besides I have a nasty cold right now :smiley: )

  3. The Division of Wildlife as well as the Sheriff would dismiss me as a crackpot that saw a bear. I couldn’t blame them because I would be questioning myself as well.

I only ask because I enjoy fiction about such creatures, or situations. I guess I would document what I could in notes, while the situation was still fresh in my mind.

Well, I would document after I changed my pants.

If you knew you saw something, what would you do?

I’d offer it some of my jerkey. When it got close enough I’d real quick grab some hair and run off. Then take it to my local CSI and have them tell me what species it came from.

I would curse that I didn’t have even a crappy cell phone camera on me. Then I would do what I could to track it, get evidence, etc. And hope that they don’t eat people.

Take a picture with my phone. Make sure I had a safe place to run and then say Hi or something to get it’s attention. After that, who knows.

I saw a Bigfoot a couple years ago. I posted about it here, and included a picture.

Link.

OK.

So it’s a silly implausible question. Sometimes I think of such things to get my mind away from the daily grind.

Would you tell anyone? Even if you had a crappy cell phone pic?

A week or so ago I thought about asking if people would shoot a bigfoot if they came across one (and had a gun.)

I suspect I would tell my friends, most of whom think I’m weird anyway.

I’d fuck it 'til it loved me.

I’d just stand very still till it wandered off. Then I’d go out and destroy any evidence that it left behind. I would never tell anyone on the off chance they might believe me. If the existence of Bigfoot type creature is ever proved, it would probably be the end of the species.

Any gun you had would likely just piss it off and get you attacked.

I’d leave a live one alone and keep my mouth shut, so the loonies didn’t show up for a hunt.

If I found a dead one, I’d be sure to spread tissue samples in many caches. No small single sample to disappear from the lab. I would also get a film camera and take pictures with it, along with the digital camera. I’d have to see what was next on the list. A real plaster cast of the foot?

Well, that’s kind of a follow up. If you could shoot one, would you?

It’s not threatening you. But you are sure it’s not a person in a suit.

I wouldn’t shoot. I don’t shoot bears on my property. I would treat it as I would any other animal. If it came back, I may have to rethink that though.

I agree for the most part, but in many parts of the US, mine included, a rifle that will take down an elk or even moose is not that unusual.

One of the reasons I wouldn’t tell anyone.

Admirable.

Kal seems to have a different idea.

The thread may be a bit silly Kal, but is there any reason for you to shit on it?

I didn’t say I’d shit on it, I said I’d fuck it.

And think about it, what better way to get DNA or hair samples?

Whatever happened to love in the first instance? Don’t you think if you loved it properly, it would love you back? Why resort to rape and scat play?

Though thinking about it, if you could get it to shit on you, then you’d have DNA coming out the wazoo.

I’d shoot in in a heartbeat. I’m pretty sure a 220 grain .30-06 is adequite for any hominid I’d come across so if I’m out tromping in the woods I’d imagine I’d have my deer rifle with me. So yeah, Bigfoot dies. I mean, that thing is worth millions of dollars in fame and glory.

I’d follow it as long as I could; observe it closely, watch where it walks; try to learn as much as possible in that time. I’d get crazy close to it if I could. Why not? “Killed by a Bigfoot”-- I wouldn’t mind getting my ticket punched like that. It’d be like getting hit by Skylab.

If I survived, I would report it to the county and state wildlife officials. If they think I’m a crank, big deal.

Then I’d spend the next several years camped out in the vicinity of the spot where I saw it last.

Shoot it if I had a gun big enough that I was sure I wasn’t going to just piss it off. If not, sneak quietly away. In quite a few loony stories, Bigfoot tends to be grouchy and mean. I’m not taking any chances with death by stinky hairy cryptozoology-things.

Being as how I spend a fair bit of time out in the woods, I’ve actually given this question the 30 seconds of contemplation it deserves.

I decided that I would offer it a beer with a .44 magnum behind my back. If he hangs out and drinks beer with me then he can be one of the gang. If he fucks with me he’s toast.

In other words, just like I’d treat anyone else.

What magical caliber is this that “just pisses [it] off”? Being shot hurts. Even a grazing shot. Even a .22. Grizzly bears are one of the FEW animals that developed a “bullet proof” reputation, but that owed to their insanely fatty and muscular construction, lore, aggressive temperament (the bear, not the shooter), and the less-powerful non-buffalo guns of the American Old West.

[Not a gun nut. I own one .22 and one 12 gauge shotgun. I know, same convincing logic that says I can’t be racist because I have a _______ friend. Deal.]

So – Even though I think yetis and North American apes are pure hokum, I’ll take the same position I would on a hypothetical X-Files-style gray alien encounter [I DON’T BELIEVE, Mulder]. I’d do my best to kill it.

Being confronted with either Bigfoot or an alien would cause me to reevaluate a ton of the dismissed crackpots right there on the spot. My god, it is real. Why is this so hard to prove? Shit, I need proof, or I’ll be another nutter! Science needs a corpse.

Of course, after I secured my fresh kill in the bed of my pickup, I’d have to carefully consider the correct authorities. Fish and Wildlife is probably too small, and fearing a cover up, I’d avoid authority anyhow. My best bet would likely be to take the body straight to either a respected TV or print news source. Or maybe the local college’s science department. The point is vast and fast documentation (tons of sample taken, hair and blood shipped to different labs/colleges across the country) and make a big enough splash that a cover up wouldn’t be possible.

Or I’d shit myself.

I’d have my picture taken with it:

On any trip into the wild, let’s hope I’ve brought my camera. Don’t have it every day–although there are a few dodgy characters catching light rail downtown.

If I see him or her in Texas, I’ll take the picture to the Texas Bigfoot Research Conservancy. Or I might contact the folks at Fortean Times.