I daydream a lot, and one of the many questions my mind turns to during such moments of idle speculation is what sort of a ruler I would be if I was the King of my own little medieval realm. How would I cope with the terrible burden of responsibility that comes with ruling a nation? How well would I protect and provide for my people? What laws would I pass and how would I enforce them? Would I be loved or feared, or both in equal measure? In short, how good a king would I be? So I put the question to you - what sort of King (or Queen) would you make and what would you do?
*Yeah, the world would swing if I were king * 
…
You know, I usually define myself as a Spaniard but it’s time like this wheeeeen…
I am Navarrese the first,
and for Navarrese a Spaniard…
(Canción Navarra, by Moreno Torroba)
Can I just be Queen of Navarra? Smaller, more manageable. EU still, of course. If not, let’s ask for admission right now, chop chop, c’mon Mr President, what do we pay you for eeeh!
While it’d be a Constitutional Monarchy and so forth, I would give the President a few elbow bumps about things like “instead of building redundant universities, let’s get better Vocation Training and better Grants Programs”; the idea would be to make education available to anybody who wants and deserves it, no matter whether they’re from the capital or from a tiny village. They already do a decent enough job with roads*; the medical system would need a review, since it’s now getting overloaded by the immigrants.
And I would put funding into programs researching the Basque language and its local variations. You see, while the first written words in Basque and in Spanish are in the same book and by the same hand, Basque was not a literary language; thus, the nationalists found themselves in a hurry and, instead of spending the time that would have been required to actually compile dictionaries of “real Basque”, invented “official Basque”. I’ve met quite a few people who have problems being accepted as Basque-speakers by official instances because they speak the language they learned at their grandparents’ knees :smack: and some words are different from the official ones. This is wrong in so many ways it’s ridiculous.
- A couple years back, I was on a day trip with some people including Lilbro. The road had bumps, something quite unusual for Navarra. It kept getting worse and worse, and then as we topped a hill we saw a road crew about 500m ahead of us, doing roadwork from the opposite direction. Lilbro said “being from here sucks, you don’t even have time to complain about a road being fucked up and they’re already fixing it.” The rest of us agreed that we oughta do sumthin’ 'bout that, yeah.
I would sneak up on people and give them giant fattening hamburgers. Maybe some breakfast sandwiches too.
I’d take my act to Vegas, bayhbee!
Don’t you mean scratch at the lid of your coffin?
I’d be a decider. Screw the Parlaiment.
I’d be a civil libertarian bordering on hedonistic. I’d legalize weed, gay marriage, you name it. I would be completely hands-off with religion but I would tax churches.
Criminal penalties would be come non-existent for most drug offenses but would be increased severely for others, especially for pedophiles, rapists, dmestic batterers and spammers. You would not want to be a spammer in my kingdom.
The national anthem would be “For Whom the Bell Tolls.”
There would be pie.
I’d banish that guy to Elba.
I’d get to wear long velvet robes. And those conical hats with a veil out the top.
Mmm, conical hats.
All juvenile crimes between the ages of 7 and 16 inclusive would be punished by paddling.
From 16 to 20, there would be a jurisdiction hearing on whether the individual had sufficient understanding to be prosecuted as an adult.
For adult “victimless” crimes (minor traffic issues, drunk & disorderly, possession/use of illegal substances, etc.), I’d have public floggings.
Killers, rapists, identity thiefs, and spammers would die – if hard evidence is properly presented. The government prosecutors would have to take turns defending these cases pro bono AND DO THEIR BEST, to make sure that such defendents get equal and high quality representation.
Age of majority is for everything – alcohol, voting, driving, movies, all of it.
On the economic front, I’d modify the college/university system to rebuild the guild system. A lot of highly trained professions would benefit from apprenticeship-style training instead of an academic degree (engineers, medical personnel, legal professionals, etc.). To balance this out, I’d make the journeyman status in the guilds equivalent to a bachelor degree.
Also, I’d persuade pro football to develop a farm team system, to get the football types into their desired field, and free up academic/apprenticeship space for people who genuinely want those spots.
I’d also award titles of nobility (probably life peerages, not hereditary ones) to much of the SDMB members.
Hmmm…very interesting responses all, but what would you do if you were actually the monarch of a *medieval * kingdom rather than a modern-day one? Your power would be absolute, but the level of technology, healthcare, education, etc would be far lower…
Don’t forget teh evil GHEYZ!!!
In my prime, I’d rather be respected than loved or feared. In that era you had to be a bit of a bastard. I’d build and maintain roads - lots of them. Trade is good; taxation on trade is very good. I’d also build sewers - a healthy populace is a profitable and happier populace. Of course, I need people to build the roads and sewers, so criminal offences would be punished by terms in road or sewer gangs. Only the severest crimes will be punishable by death (but see below). The increase in revenues will fund a decent military, for others will be jealous. I will encourage learning and scholarship. Officials will be well paid and corruption not tolerated.
As I am just to my subjects, so I will be bitter to my foes. Those that conspire against me will have their houses utterly destroyed. I will expand my realm as I see fit, and I will do as the Mongols: those who do not submit will be utterly destroyed, even to the children. If a newly-conquered area is restive, so too shall it be utterly destroyed (q.v. William’s harrying of the North). It will only take one or two for the lesson to be learned. As I said, you have to be a bit of a bastard.
As I will have to delegate a lot of power to nobles, I will institute an order of justiciars, loyal to myself, executors of my will, executing justice with honour and integrity. Initially they will be ordinary knights seeking preference; in time, they will be culled from the street - waifs showing promise will be educated in letters and arms. Girls from the street will be taught grace, charm, and subtlety, and will be sent as ladies in waiting or the like to the courts of my nobles. Many will simply be pretty girls, granted to grace the court of my loyal subject; many will be intelligence agents, reporting back to the Crown.
So much for the dream; in reality, I’d be quickly ousted.
Nice
I’d ask them to abolish the monarchy.