If I Were King Of The World, I Would...

In My Humble Opinion
1

…make it a law that everyone has to live for a minimum of one year outside of their home country, preferably on a different continent with a different language.

It would teach people that not everything they know and do is “normal”; that other people and cultures have both positive and negative aspects; and living in another country puts a lot of what you hold true in perspective. Plus, it is a lot harder to be a xenophobic bigot if you have ever been a foreigner yourself.

What would you decree if you were King (or Queen) of the world?

2

Make everyone work retail / customer service for at least one month, preferably during a holiday.

3

First thing, I’m gonna track down a certain gas-station dude and fulfill a long standing threat. Long story short: You don’t answer a query for directions by saying, “Where is that?”. Nuff said.

Then, I’ll get busy. Harass the homeless, redraw international boundries, abolish Notre Dame football, establish a “work-for-welfare” program, give Fidel Castro a monster wedgie, demand tributes etc etc…

Then, I’ll party! Debauchery like has never been described in human history. You’re all invited!

4

If I were King of the World, I would issue a proclamation that disagreeing with me was a capital crime and that death could be long and slow or quick and relatively painless, depending on my mood. I would have spies everywhere so no one could get away with it. That ought to be about it, I would think.

Oh, and no religion of any kind, anywhere.

5

Kiss the D.H. goodbye, everybody.

6

Nice one, Knead. I would eliminate those ultra loud car stereo/subwoofer thingies. Pain of death and all that.

7

I’m going to make the week ten days long, and everybody works five days and is off five days. Not the same ones; this is to ensure that nothing has to close. Employer will be required to be flexible in scheduling people, so if one person wants to be one one day, off the next, that’s fine, as is the person who wants to work five in a row and be off five in a row.

Oh, and littering will be punished by having the dropped object stuffed in the litterer’s mouth.

8

If I were the king of the world I’ll tell you what I’d do: I’d throw away the bars and the cars and the wars, and make sweet love to you.

9

I would make stupidity a crime, ranging in punishments from fines for “minor” things like holding up the queue in fast food restaurants because you don’t know what you want or ordering for multiple people when it’s busy, to deportation to a penal colony for “Dangerous Stupidity”.

Women under the age of consent would not be allowed to wear inappropriate clothing.

British spelling (-ise endings, the “U” in “Colour”, “Favourite”, etc) would be the only Correct spelling.

Apple would be required to apologise for existing then go out of business.

DRM would be outlawed, and copyright terms would be shorted to Life Of The Creator Plus 25 Years.

Caring too much about any issue I regard as insignificant will be illegal.

Touchy-Feely Tree-Hugging will be a serious crime.

Disagreeing with me without a very, very good reason will be punished.

Cats, Dogs, Kittens, and Puppies will be considered “Dependents” for Tax Purposes.

Companies will be required to put their staff and the community ahead of extra profits for shareholders.

Internet access would be considered a fundamental human right.

Third World Countries that cannot get their act together will be forcibly re-colonised or have their independence stripped from them and be run by the UN.

The UN will be re-organised to actually have some strength and power.

I could go on for hours, actually. Be very glad I’m not Emperor Of The World. :smiley:

10

I would abolish all political parties, all so-called ‘free press’ and ‘free speech.’
The Bible would be required reading. Most schools would be drastically changed. Readin’, Ritin’ and Rithmatic and various Languages, and the Humanities would be all that would be taught until University level. Bodybuilding and Sports also, but it would be illegal to charge over 5 dollars for any athletic event.
Let’s see, what else…Oh, yes, all marriages would be arranged by matchmakers, and no divorce allowed.
Nancy Grace would be exiled, and a permanent gag order would be placed on her, under penalty of …well, I think you know.
Gay people would be permitted to live normal lives, provided they kept their mouths shut about it. Except for Ellen Degeneres. She would be forced to become funny, instead of the way she is now, or she would be exiled, and a permanent gag order placed on her, under penalty of…well, I think you know.
It doesn’t look too good for Chris Rock, though.

11

I’m not arguing with you, greatshakes, I’m taking you at your word:

You would really condemn students to twelve years of learning nothing more sophisticated about mathematics than long division? No algebra, no geometry, no trigonometry, no calculus? There was a lot in your plan I found cruel, but this was the cruelest of all, I felt.

12

Yea, verily, King Oakminster doth proclaim:

  1. In college football, the SEC Champion shall be recognized as the National Champion each and every year. Lesser conferences may have their paltry little insignificant games, but only SEC action shall be deemed worthy of national broadcast.

  2. Gun control shall be defined as “hitting one’s intended target”.

  3. “Boom-boom” cars, ie, those with stero systems that rattle windows in my house, shall be outlawed, and drivers of same shall be flogged on the courthouse steps.

  4. Cable TV companies shall be required to offer “viewer’s choice” packages, whereby the customer may select and pay for only those channels they want. If this means no one buys The Jesus Channel. it’s just broadcast Darwinism at work.

  5. TV stations may use a crawl at the bottom of the screen to announce severe weather warnings. They may not otherwise interupt televised sporting events for that crap. In dire emergency, such as an actual invasion or incoming nuclear attack, they may use a “picture in picture” thingy, with viewer optional sound control, except during the SEC Championship game, during which they must wait for halftime or a timeout…but must return to the game in time to not miss a single play.

  6. Panty hose are illegal. All ladies shall be issued proper garter belts and stockings, as Karana intended.

  7. Rap music shall not be suffered to exist.

  8. Telephone solicitation shall be a felony offense.

  9. Knocking on the palace door prior to noon on a Saturday, Sunday, or any other day I’m sleeping in shall be an immediate death penalty offense. Knocking on the palace door for the purpose of selling anythng other than Girl Scout cookies, or for any religious purpose whatsoever, shall be an immediate death penalty offense. Knocking on the palace door, or phoning the palace for any reason during an SEC football game shall be an immediate death penalty offense.

  10. Recreational drugs shall be legalized, taxed, and sold in liqour stores.

  11. Adult citizens may marry any other consenting adult citizens they so choose.

  12. All adult members of Westboro Baptist Church shall be arrested, and handed over to the organizers of Gay Pride events for public display, flogging, and/or sodomy, at any such scheduled event.

  13. The income tax shall be 10%, for everybody. No loopholes, no deductions.

  14. Every reading or literature class shall include at least 2 works by Robert Heinlein.

  15. WoW Warlocks and Rogues shall be severely nerfed for PVP purposes.

13

Well at least we know when to schedule the rebellion :).

I’m a bit of a traditionalist and, if given supreme power, would be slow to use it to do much of anything. The world is a complex system and I would be reluctant to administer a massive shock to a more or less stable equilibrium.

14

:confused: Clue me in. According to Wikipedia, “D.H.” could stand for everything from the Department of Health to Miley Cyrus’ first and middle names.

15

To preface; I’d be the most libertarian dictator ever.

First thing is first - appointing people who know what the fuck their doing to my advisory councils.

Nuclear, Solar, geothermal, etc power are high on my list. Kicking that nasty fossil fuel habit.

Personal liberties.
[ul]
[li]Porn - Stop trying to ban it, seriously![/li][li]Drugs - Can we just tax the shit and get it over with?[/li][li]Guns - Gun control is defined as “hitting the target.” All would be taught, in 1-12th grade, gun safety. Mandatory - then we don’t have to worry about who can and cannot own guns. (violent criminals excluded, no firearms for them, no knives or cars either)[/ul][/li](Freedom of Speech, freedom of your own body, right to keep and bear arms)

All natural resources would be socialized to run the government (me), and taxes would be cut accordingly. Simply living on the piece of land doesn’t give you the inherent right to own what’s under it. (Major commercial ventures only, minor operations with very few employees exempt so long as they’re not causing ecological damage and don’t gouge prices.)

Lines on a map would be just that, lines on a map. Wars are over and done with. All your nukes are belonging to me. They are being disassembled and turned into power plants. How nifty is that? (Would that work?)

I’d form a world space agency, fund it very well, and then kick it in the pants on a regular basis.

I’d form and fund a world health organization which didn’t have its hands tied, and could conduct research for cures for diseases from Cancer to HIV to the common flu/cold. Seriously, this is 2009 already and we can’t cure the common flu/cold?

Disagreeing with me is A-Okay, I even encourage it. But if you’re wrong I’m going to laugh at you and make you wear a nice hat with “DUNCE” written on it for three weeks. Actually, no, I wouldn’t - you can disagree so long as you keep it respectful and non violent. What can I say, I’m a big softy?

What else… what else… I think that’s about it, although I’m sure I’ll think of more later. Maybe going from 5 day work weeks to 4 day work weeks, to compensate for the fact that we’re no longer an agrarian society.

16

Designated Hitter

17

Not to speak for Knead to Know, but I assume he’s speaking of the Designated Hitter in American League Baseball.

And I whole-heartedly agree.

edit: How did I miss the above post?:smack:

18

Just one new, fair and sensible rule:

You play golf off a single figure you must die.

19

**If I Were King Of The World, … **

I tell you what I’d do …

I’d throw aways the cars and the bars and the wars …

And make sweet loving to you.

Singing, "Joy to world … "

20

If I ruled the world every day would be the first day of spring.

Plus Scarlett Johansson would be my sex slave